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On May 7, 2013, I had a very scary episode that landed me with a second ER visit this year.  I was out to lunch with a large group of coworkers and not eating anything out of the ordinary - chicken fajitas, meat and veggies only.  I took two bites of my food and felt nauseated and pains in my pouch just below my rib cage.  I was unable to expel anything in the bathroom.  The pains got increasingly worse very quickly and felt like sharp, stabbing waves of pain that had me doubled over.  They were so serious that I was screaming loud obscenities.  A coworker rushed me to the ER where the pains continued to increase in intensity and frequency.  It was like my stomach was constricting and then would release.  I thought I was having chest labor pains!  I screamed horribly in the ER until they were able to administer pain meds.  A C.T. scan revealed all organs looked normal - gallbladder, stomach, liver, and colon all looked good.  The pain subsided after about 30-45 minutes and the source could not be detected.  It was a very scary situation and since I don't know what caused it, I don't know how to prevent it in the future.  The doctor ruled out dumping syndrome since I did not have diarrhea and was 17 months post surgery.  She recommended I follow up with a G.I. doctor for some scoping.  Since I'm already rapidly racking up the medical bills this year, I'm thinking of holding off on seeing a G.I. and wait to see if another episode presents itself. 

The amount of issues I'm having post surgery is starting to reveal themselves and I'm beginning to get a little nervous about what my body may be capable of next.

I am now down 175 lbs and things are getting a little scary.  I've had two near fainting episodes in the last 6 weeks.  This last episode put me in the ER where the Dr. concluded I was having vasovagal syncope episodes.  I start to feel lightheaded, dizzy, sometimes the room is spinning, nauseated, hot flashes yet shaking as if I'm freezing, heart racing, and stuttering.  I haven't passed out completely yet and always manage to sit or lay down before complete unconsciousness.  

An overdose of caffeine seemed to be the first trigger (coffee plus BC powder) and dehydration was the cause the second time.  I can't help but assume that my weight loss and surgery are a factor as I've never been prone to fainting in the past.  

I'm concerned that I'm losing too much weight and I've had family members comment that I look "unhealthy."  My weight is fluctuating between 136-140lbs, but I eat CONSTANTLY and quite often consuming carbs as I shouldn't.  I enjoy working out but feel weak and tired most days and don't have the energy to exercise.  I'd rather sleep.  I'm napping more often and having trouble staying asleep at night without sleep aids.  

I'm trying to get in to see my surgeon but the nurse who took my appointment tried to say that these issues were not related to my surgery.  How can they disregard such serious issues?!  

Not sure what to do in the meantime until my next appointment in 6 WEEKS, but I'm continuing to sip, sip, sip and stay hydrated as well as get my proteins and vitamins in.  Just a little nervous at the moment...

I have reached what I thought would be an unreachable goal.  I have surpassed my goal weight of 150 lbs and 13 months after my surgery, reached 144 lbs giving me a total weight loss of 170 lbs to date!  I am a little nervous that my workouts and watching my diet will cause me to get too thin, but my doctor assured me that taking a little big extra weight in the beginning is still OK.  If I get under 140 lbs, I will have to revisit my calorie intake with my dietician.  As it stands, I eat about 1200 calories a day and burn 300-800 in exercise depending on the amount of time I spend in the gym that day.  I aim to get in 3-5 workouts a week at 45 mins - 1.5 hrs each.  I've been able to consume just about any foods (except pasta) but in moderation.  I still try to get my 60-80 g of protein a day and try to make smart choices when eating out.

I'm excited about the new year, have 5 or 6 5K races I plan to participate in including a few obstacle course races like the Warrior Dash.  I'm so eager to do fun activities and accomplish so many goals that my old body would never let me do!

December 5th marked my 1 year surgiversary and today, December 12, 2012, marks the day I reached my goal weight of 150 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have officially lost 164 lbs total.  I've lost more than I now weigh!!!!!!!!!  OMG!!!!!!!  The transformation has been UNBELIEVABLE!  I haven't been this small since I was 16 years old!  I am now in a size 8 pants and medium top.  My bra size has shrunk significantly too, but no complaints.

My knew goal is to spend 2013 focusing on strength training with weights and concentrate on toning muscle.  I feel like I have lost a lot of muscle mass over the last 12 months.  I've already met with a personal trainer for a personalized program and will be joining a gym soon.

I have a secret desire to be a Zumba instructor although I've yet to ever take a Zumba class.  I love to dance and I think it's something I could really enjoy!  I'd love to inspire others with my story as well, but I've yet to figure a way to be able to do that other than sharing my experience with people who cross my path.

I've had one crazy year and am looking forward to the doors that I plan to open in 2013 with my new body and newfound outlook on life!

I've discovered on my journey that there are a few things about biariatric surgery that surgeons, post patients, or therapists never really discuss.  I want to get some personal things out in the open that I feel pre or post surgery patients need to be aware of.

1. Is your marriage or relationship is secure?  I have seen the demise of several marriages and relationship because of weight loss.  Either the post surgery patient becomes overly confident and cocky and decides they want to "sew their wild oats" leaving their supportive partner in the dust, or the partner becomes jealous and insecure or suspicious and creates a mistrust wedge in the relationship.  Either way, I have seen this surgery ruin marriages, turn people into something they never thought they would become, and destroy families.  Be sure you are in therapy pre and post surgery to deal with these potential issues.

2. I didn't know I had a libido!  Oh yes.  Let's talk about it -- SEX!  No one discusses it because it's so taboo but with the weight loss comes a drastic increase in your sex drive.  As an overweight person, I had no interest in this department.  As the weight comes off, you will discover that your flexibility, energy level, and sex drive all return -- with a vengeance!  So be prepared to free your inner sex god or goddess!

3. Hair loss.  Some people discuss this and I was given a heads up before my surgery, but nothing could have prepared me for the clumps and clumps of hair I would lose.  This has by far been the one thing that has bothered me the most.  I loved my hair.  It was beautiful.  It's always been on the thinner side so I couldn't afford to lose much.  But I can say that I've lost about a third of the volume of my hair and it's been frustrating.  I take Biotin dissolvable vitamins and my proteins, but nothing seems to be stopping the unending hair loss.  With every shower, I see more and more of it going down the drain.  It's heartbreaking.  I've been losing my hair post surgery for at least 6 months now with no end in sight.  The good news is my friends and coworkers don't seem to notice... but I do.  I don't know when the loss will cease but I'm praying it is sooner rather than later before I end up a cue ball.

4. My mind still thinks I'm fat.  I've discovered that the mental aspect of this journey is much more difficult than the physical journey.  Although I see great changes in my body, my mind has had a hard time keeping up.  My self confidence is plagued by my old self.  Other people continue to compliment me on my success but I still see my "imperfections."  I believe that routine therapy with a professional who works with bariatric patients would be wise pre and post surgery to work through these mental struggles.

5. Addiction.  Did you know that as obese people most of us are addicted to food?   What I have discovered is that without that food as our addiction outlet anymore, many people turn to other addictions to satisfy their "hunger."  My unfortunate newfound addiction is sex and relationships... I can't get enough.  I went from being divorced, overweight, unwanted, and undesired for 5 years to slim and sexy gaining all kinds of attention and with a heightened sex drive.  I was destined to fall into a sexual addiction trap.  My codepdency has returned and, again, I can't stress enough the importance of therapy... which I am seeking.

I hope this entry has given some insight into some of those "taboo" or "unspoken" things that no one else discusses and may give you a few things to consider pre and post surgery.
 

 I'm now down 156 lbs. and only 8 lbs. away from reaching my goal!  Victory is so close I can almost taste it!

Wish list once I reach goal:
- Start toning
- Buy a sexy Audrey Hepburn "little black dress"
- Buy a rockabilly dress
- Have a professional photoshoot
- Purchase lingerie from Victoria's Secret
- Take a mini vacation weekend getaway
- Get back on an airplane

This is only the tip of the iceburg but I'm looking forward to the exciting new life that lies ahead.

I'm officially kicking ass at the weight loss game and am down 150 lbs!  This puts me 14 lbs away from goal!

4 months post surgery and I've just reached my 80 lb mark!  I'm so excited!!!  Down 3 sizes (almost 4) and doing a lot of walking (about 2.5 miles a day).  I completed my first ever 5K and am training to take on a 5 mile run in June. 

I'm treating my daughter and myself to a trip to Gatlinburg over Memorial Day weekend where lots of walking will be required.  I hope to be down 90 lbs (or more) by my 35th birthday on June 29th.

I'm down 64 lbs. to 250 and have earned my fabulously sexy pink heels!  I've dropped 2 sizes in clothes and haven't felt this good in years.  I've returned to swing dancing even though I'm still being overlooked by the dance partners quite often.  (Just when I think I'm feeling fabulous, those shallow men always remind me of how very far I still have to go.)  No worries.  I'm there for the exercise and get plenty of it.

My next goal is a 20 lb. weight loss to get to my pre-baby weight of 230 lbs. (Side note: baby is now 8 years old.)  Not sure what I'm going to treat myself with just yet, but I have some time to think about it.  I may have to consult the bucket list. 

I'm trying to set milestone goals for myself.  Once I reach 250 lbs, I've decided to treat myself to a sexy pair of Iron Fist heels that I've been eyeing.  Only 30 lbs more to go then I set goal #2.