Wendy P.
Diaries of a Fat Woman #12
Jun 15, 2008
One of the things that I've been having to face when I'm out, is that people with ask me if I regret having the surgery. I get frustrated because are they expecting me to say yes I regret losing weight and wished I could have it all back. It seems so crazy, but it just irritates me. I think that my frustration is just coming from me struggling within myself.
Lord, I pray that you keep me focused on the good and not get depressed over the bad.
Diaries of a Fat Woman #11
Apr 04, 2008
Wow, It has been 6 months since surgery. I can't hardly believe how fast time has flown by. At my 6 month mark, I have last 100 pounds. One hundred pounds, 100 pounds, 100#...no matter how I look at those words, it is totally unbelievable to me. Everyone around me have unmistakenly noticed the change, but it is hard for me to grasp it all. Don't get me wrong, I feel wonderful. It is just difficult for me to pull myself out of the mind set I have lived in most of my life. I still catch myself going to the Full Figured sized clothes in search from something to wear. I can get into my brain that I have actually gotten smaller in size.
I have so much more energy now. I can fit into places that I never could before. I can climb stairs without running out of air. I can take a brisk walk with someone and can talk at the same time. I CAN CROSS MY LEGS! I'm getting ready to start training for a Triatholon coming up in October. I'm doing so many things that I couldn't do before.
I'm so blessed with the chance to be who I have always wanted to be. I thank God for his blessings that he is pouring out on me. I'm doing it only because of His Grace!
Diaries of a Fat Woman #10
Jan 12, 2008
My goodness how time flies! It has been three and a half months since my sugery. When I lost 50 pounds I could feel that I had more energy and got around better. I think that it is strange for me to feel this way, but I feel that I'm the size that I have always pictured me being. Maybe I was in denial or it is something that all obese people do, but I have always pictured me this size and no bigger. Everyone noticed my weight loss but me. The I lost 60 total pounds and went down another size. I went to my mom's to borrow clothes that would fit me. I was a size 30W (4x) and now I'm wearing a size 20W (2x). To me it sound good but it still didn't sink in my hard head just how much of a difference that was. Then I was trying on clothes at my Mom's when it hit me. She had a full length mirror on the back of her door. I put on a pair of jean and a fitted top. As I walked up to the mirror, I was shocked. For the first time I realized that I was smaller. I finally saw the difference that everyone else was seeing. The excitement I felt about having this surgery finally sank in. Now I feel that I have actually lost weight. I am finally feeling proud of ME.
A girl friend of mine has always tried to help me visualize the weight I have lost. She would compare my weight to something like bags of sugar. Well, this week I hit my 70 pound weight loss. I started thinking about my girl friend and what she would compare my weight loss to this week. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Seventy pounds, wow, my 9 year old son weighs 70 pounds. I then picked him up, well I tried, and couldn't believe how much 70 pounds felt like. Also 4 months earlier I was carrying around with me that 70 pounds. My son was difficult to carry, 70 pounds is heavy. My poor knees and ankles, how could they have survived this long with out breaking under the poundage I had them under?
I just want to scream out Praise be to God. He gave me an opportunity to have this surgery and gives me the strength to press forward. My surgery date is like my new birth day. A new me has come from September 26, 2007. Thank you, Jesus, for this wonderful miracle that you have performed through the hands of the surgeron who was willing.
Diaries of a Fat Women #9
Dec 06, 2007
Well, it has been almost 3 months since my surgery. I have a Christmas Party to attend tomorrow afternoon at work. We were asked to wear something nice. I have nothing to wear. Everything I have is too big, which is a great thing. So I will have to go shopping for a new outfit, which is another great thing. This is the first outfit to buy since I had surgery. I wonder what size I will need. I was a little nervous so I had my 14 year old daughter, Brittany, go with me. I knew she would be honest about what I should buy. I found some really nice pants that I liked, but I had no clue what size to try. Just 3 months ago I wore a size 28. So of course I take the size 26 pants with me to the dressing room. I put them on and opened the door for Brittany's opinion. She just rolled her eyes shaking her head no and gave me the 'wait a minute' look. She left and came back with the 24's. I put them on and opened the door. There was Brittany with that same look of disapproval. She left once again and came back with a size 22. I told her that this isn't going to work. She just waved her hand at me to shoo me back into the dressing room. I put them on and couldn't believe it. I opened the dressing room door and Brittany smiled at me with thumbs up. I closed the door, sat on the bench and cried. Tears of unbelief and excitement, I couldn't remember the last time I could wear a size 22 pants. I wanted to walk out of that fitting room and tell everyone there that I was able to wear a size 22. Wow, I'm really getting smaller. This is so awesome!
Diaries of a Fat Women #8
Nov 19, 2007
Well, it has been almost 2 months now. Wow, time has flown by. I have reached my 50 pounds in those 2 months. My goal was by Thanksgiving and I made it with a few days to spare. At work today someone brought an early Thanksgiving goodie. I wanted so bad to eat that large piece of pound/cheese cake. I really had my mind set on savoring every bite until it was gone. Well, it didn't quite work that way. I got 1/4 of it down, and that is all I could stand. I was really bummed at first. But then I realized that I can have another small portion of it later. Boy, I could really make that one piece of cake go far! I'm sure that Thanksgiving Day is going to be more difficult. I can't help to think of all the food my family prepares. My mom's mac-n-cheese, my sisters' turkey and desserts. There is going to be so much I want to eat and taste, and I'm not going to be able to. I guess that is why I ended up over 300 pounds.
My favorite saying now is that 'I eat to live not live to eat'. Thanksgiving is just one of the many ways people have distorted the true meaning of why we eat. Sure it is great to have tasty foods and great varieties, but that isn't the real reason to eat. We should only eat enough to survive. God created food for our nutritional well being. We have created it into a passion, a longing, an idol.
That is why I praise God for allowing me to have weightloss surgery. There is not way that I could have ever broken away from the stronghold that food had on my life. It was an addiction that I couldn't walk away from. Now I have no choice in only eating to live and not living to eat.
I have truly been set free!
Diaries of a Fat Woman #7
Nov 04, 2007
Well, It has been a little over a month since my surgery. I'm learning to eat correctly. I'm remembering to eat slowly and not too much. It has been difficult to break habits that I have had all my life. Before I had weight loss surgery, I thought that having the surgery is the easy way out. Well, since then I have learned otherwise. After surgery you have to really work hard at eating right and exercising regularly. I'm not going to lie, I miss eating out at the all-you-can-eat buffets. I miss eating what I want, and as much as I want. But, I feel great being in complete control of my eating and my weight. It has been a hard fact to grasp, but I have been completely controlled by food. I have never been able to control my eating, my love for food. Since my surgery, I have finally found control. That is the greatest feeling ever! I wouldn't want to change anything about my decision to have the surgery, except for maybe having it sooner. I praise God for this blessing he has given to me! 
Diaries of a Fat Women #6
Oct 19, 2007
Well, it has been 2 weeks and 2 days since surgery. My weight loss as of today is 39 pounds. I have been holding on to that one pound away from 40 for a few days. For some reason I just don't want to let it go. Last weekend I had horrible stomach virus. This virus had my son sick for maybe 12 hours and then he was fine. This same virus had me sick for 72 hours. It took me a day or two to recover. I didn't realized just how quickly I became dehydrated and how long it would take for me to rehydrate.
Today I tried to go purchase smaller scrubs for work. My current ones are hanging on me, and I thought that I maybe time for a smaller change. I'm fearful though; I can't help to worry that I'm going to go back for a larger size again. This isn't the first time that I've had to go to a smaller size. But in the past I've always returned to that larger size. It is difficult to stop my past failures from haunting my future. I'm so tired of being a failure that I can't help to fear the worse.
Lord, Help me to let go of the things that may hold me from moving forward.
Diaries of a fat woman #5
Sep 29, 2007
Well the day of surgery I was very nervous. I've never had surgery before and I wasn't sure what to expect. My family was there for support, and as I had to leave them I felt all alone and scared. All I could do was pray. My surgery was at 11:00. I was taken back to holding for the IV and last instructions. I watched the clock that hung on the wall in front of me and 11:00 came and went. I then became very uneasy. The nurse came by to check on me and I just lost control of my emotions and started crying in panic. At that time they decided to give me something in my IV to calm my nerves. I began to pray and ask God for some comfort some touch from him. At that moment I saw my Dad being escorted into the room to see me. I began to tell me that the patient having surgery before me was having problems and was taking longer than expected. With the medication that the nurse gave me before my Dad coming in, I was nerves but not as paniced to hear what was going on. My Dad was allowed to stay with me until right before they wheeled me into the OR. The lights were bright everything was white. I started getting nervous once I saw the nurses setting up for the surgery. Seeing all the surgical instruments that was going to be used, had me feel panic coming over me. I think the anesthesiologist noticed my panic so he began to immediately give me gas. The next thing I remember was having to change to a different bed to be taken to my hospital room. Once I was completely awake from the anesthesia I found out that my 2 hour surgery took less than an hour. I had no nausea and vomiting, and I really didn't hurt like I thought I would. The day after surgery I was walking the halls and feeling fine. I was able to start back on the liquid diet (small amounts) every hour. I went very well!
Prior to starting to the liquid diet 2 weeks prior to surgery my weight was 330 pounds. Today I'm 3 days post op and my weight today is 305 pounds. I can't believe it. I praise God for the wonderful opportunity that he has given me to get by health life back. My goal is not a weight or a BMI. My goal is to feel good and be healthy!
Diaries of a Fat Woman #4
Sep 24, 2007
Well, I have done it. I'm only 2 days away from surgery. I completed the 2 week liquid torture! I didn't think that I could do it but I did! Tomorrow is clear liquids which I think will be a breeze after the past 2 weeks. I had my pre surgical appointment at the hospital today. Being in the hospital and talking about what is about to happen, made it all real for me. Before now I just didn't think to much about it, but today it was confirmed that the time has come.
I'm really nervous. I've never had surgery before. Wonder if I panic right before they start to put me under. I'm really scared to death. I guess that is why I haven't thought about it before now.
I can't believe this is really going to happen. Thank you God that I have an opportunity to have a fresh start in life. 
Diaries of a Fat Woman #3
Sep 18, 2007
I received a letter from my insurance company today. The surgery has been approved! I’m so excited. Is it possible that this is really going to happen? Can I ever have a chance to become who I really want to be? My surgeon’s office called and scheduled a surgery date of September 26, 2007. I can’t believe it; it is really going to happen. I had my pre operative appointment. Dr Lowe is an excellent doctor by all the physicians and patients that I have talked to. After meeting him I realize that he also is a very kind and caring physician also. He seemed to be very excited for me. He explained and went over everything with me in a way that was very understandable for me. He congratulated me on this wonderful opportunity.
I feel that this is going to be a new beginning for me. It is almost like a second chance at life. Thank you, God for this opportunity. God gave me a new heart by cleaning the dirty one that I had. He also gives me an opportunity to have a new body by cleaning up this one that I have destroyed.
About Me
Before & After
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