Hmmmmm, where to start.

Aug 18, 2014

I'm sure I have the typical overweight story.  I have been overweight my entire life.  A ten pound baby (sorry mom) with 2 chins already mind you , to an overweight child, and into a morbidly obese adult.  I hate those two words, morbidly obese.  Ugh!!  Growing up I was fed whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  And unfortunately as an adult that stuck with me.  That's why I am now 282 pounds.  Of course there are other reasons why I can't shed the weight but that's what I'll pay a shrink for   Growing up I never thought of myself as particularly ugly, just "normal" looking.  The heavier I got the more unhappy I got, and now have the lowest self esteem of probably anyone I have ever met.  Oh the days when I would go out with friends and boyfriends and have a good time.  Even being overweight, I still had quite a few boyfriends.  Now, however, I am a hermit.  Not completely of course, I do go to work.  Besides that though, nothing.  I go home and I stay home.  I just moved back to my home state last year and can honestly say I have gone out once in the last 13 months.  Of course I had no fun what-so-ever because I was too busy wondering at what everyone was probably thinking, why I even bothered to go to a bar.  When in reality they probably weren't paying any attention to me at all.  Hmmmm, not that that statement sounds any better to me   Anyhow, I have tried every diet imaginable, lost some to only gain them back plus some more.  I hit the point of no return when I got on the scale and it said 293 pounds.  I thought "holy shit, I am 7 pounds away from being 300 pounds".  This is not working for me anymore.  So I started the process of WLS only to chicken out when my Dr told me that it doesn't work for everyone.  And I have to be comfortable with the possibility of only losing 15 pounds.  That invasive of a surgery to only lose 15 pounds, I don't think so.  So I stopped the process.  After moving home and getting a job did I decide to restart.  A co-worker of mine was going through the process and I found out from her that our insurance will cover it, minus my co-pay of course.  That was it for me, I'm off and running straight to the operating table.  I at first thought about doing the sleeve, but after talking to a friend who had the RNY I changed my mind.  Statistically speaking, I have a better chance of losing more weight with RNY than with the sleeve from everything I've read.  So I'm going for it.  My surgery is set for 3 days from now and I am excited and nervous as hell.  I have failed at every diet I have ever done, and do not want to fail at this.  I have changed my mindset to "this is not another diet, this is a lifestyle change".  And let's face it, my lifestyle was pretty boring, very sad, and very emotional.  So another lifestyle is what I need.  I will start therapy after surgery to work through all my low self-esteem issues as well as the why's to why I kept myself heavy all these years.  Peace out, and see you all on the losers bench.  The one time I don't mind being called a loser.  

4 Comments