Patiurple

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Its been four and I have gained weight. tried stopping the soda it worked for a little while but its back again. I guess i need a brain over haul. Need more surgery to fix a hernia and a blockage but I am outting that off as I just dont want any surgery yet but I hate how I look. Certain clothes  look bad on me...I cant wear anything that hugs the waist it makes the hernia look bigger cant wear sweats the area below the tummy tuck sticks out ...I am so ashamed of how I look and I guess thats why I drink the dew. Anyway, I am still happily married to a wonderful man and Life is grand beyond description. Its fantastic to have a husband that tell me how gorgeous I am and that everyday he loves me more....amazing four years

I have suffered a lot since 11/5/2007. I realized i was out of control went and begged for help and was offered MEDS to help me..WTF anyway I declined them.
I went to the basics protein and water  that lasted about a month and bam found myself eatting crap again. Im off and on the wagon. But after having a serious car accident last monday (20) i decided to take complete repsonsiblity and control again. I am now down to 3 16 diet mtn dews and have not had any candy in over 2 weeks YEAH me.  Found a protein shake thats does not make me sick another YEAH. I miss my walking and hiking havent been able to do either for 3 months. A huge bone spur has made the above impossible. I refuse surgery so its a slow going for recovery. And now I am not allowed to do any core exercises due to internal damage.. just my luck.
But I am blessed with an amazing husband who is always there for me and has flatly told me that the whole family is to eat my way...Our 14 year old son agrees says my way is the best. so after friday both will be home and we will see how long the low carb high protein life style lasts...

I knew I hadnt blogged in a long time diodnt see much reason to.
Since my last entry my life has changed dramatically.
I went from dating a guy who wls to finding out he wasnt ready for a relationship to getting a wink from a great guy and within a month and a half getting married.
Hes the best thing that has ever happened to me but at the same time I have fallen from the regime of WLS to where I am gainign weight and have lost control of my addiction..
I have gained around 40 pounds. I blamed it on steroids and now its pure addiction on my part. I have no support group to go too any more. Keith's are more about newbies then for us old post ops. So I Am alone dealing with how to get myself back on track. FOr me I did the best when I had someone to be accountable to. Shirley and I havent talked in a long time..her life is extrememly busy and I never know when she can talk.
For my peeps here its like since i got married they dont call or come around.
I know where all this got started..the first diet mtn dew  it tasted so good I started with one and now I drink them all the time..nothing tastes better that junk food with pop so here conmes the junk. I dont even think I have hit my protein goal in months. DOnt keep a food journal either. I lost my mojo and cant seem to get it back.

so I am 2 yrs out and still not at goal.  But damn do I feel good. Not had to have surgery since august 17 and I am happy about that.
broke up with Scott lost over 270 pounds when i did that. And now back into being Me  me me!
Been doing things I havent been able to do in along time nd enjoying life. learned so much about me and now I am learning to live agasin.
My goals for 2010 to lose more weight exercise and just love life.

it seems my journey has not suppose to be an easy one..another surgery has taken place and another recovery time. i am so trying to stay up beat and think positive. but with scott's attitude  i just done see us staying together...this last surgery has opened my eyes to the reality of what life would be like with him and i refuse to be with someoen so negative, and who finds so much fault with me. he  is driving me away faster then he got my heart...i am done with him as I am with the weight that i lost.
I would rather be alone then with him...sad to say I dont have the feelings I had before...I now see why he is single..and has been so for over 12 years..

I am more confident with myself and i DONT NEED THE CRAP of a man like that.
I am doing great with the support group that I lead and I am helping others...
when its right for me to be with someone then it will be until then I am happy to be by myself

I have changed some things in my plan....
And because of those changes I have lost 2 pounds in 6 days..and with in the last 2 weeks that would be a total of 14 pounds..Amazing PURE AMAZING!!
I have increased my eatting of protein not just drinking it. PLus I am making sure I sleep 8 hours a night.
WOOHOO for me so if this keeps going I will be at goal before November.. ME AT GOAL>>137 omg I cant even grasp that.

TOday was a huge wow for me...I  was working at a clients house who in the past I would have to call some guy to climb up the two story ladder to hang some plants..without even thinking I went up the ladder. When I got to the hanger I realized what I had done and was shocked BIG time...
After all the complications I am so glad I did this...wish now I had done it 8 years ago

i became brave today and took some pics and even changed my cartoon avatar to me....so for all those who have wondered...I am real...
Shirl.I told ya I was a blond...lmao gotta say this is better than what I thought it would be....

i brought out the food journal and started recording this is my third day and as of 6 pm  am at 99 grams of protein. but the dizziness is still happening plus the awful headache. so i will definietly bring this up tomorrow.
i get to go see dr.mcnair about my cancer and i hope that i am in remission....sure am tired of taking the chemo and feeling like death....plus i go see dr. keith and find out what he is planning in doing to me.

I went and weighed...and I have lost 8.5 pounds since 25 of April i am happy about that. On Wednesday i go back and see Dr. keith and will be told if another surgery is in the horizon.

I just realized that I am almost 18 months post op. Okay I have 3 months to go but I am screwing up! In the last 2 months I have been eatting candy, potato chips, and french fries...plus drinking soda.
Its stress eatting just like in the past! Since I was diagnosed with having breast cancer and my niece being here, and not being able to work ..... I picked up one candy bar and there I went.
I am so tired of being here alone....fighting cancer by myself dealing with having another surgery and wondering how am I going to pay my bills is just making my head hurt. My niece left Monday to go back home...she said her reason for going home was she missed her Dad and friends. I believe her but now I am back to being here alone and that lonliness is tearing me apart. Scott doesnt know how bad I really am I wont tell him when we talk I make sure I am always cheerful....How do I tell him that I feel awful and that all I want to do is sleep?
I am thankfully working two days a week. But when I am finished I am wore out. Then I am out looking for other work.
So that causes me to stress out, cause I have to explain to prospective employers that I have to have Wednesday's off and then there is that look...
and I know I did nt get the job.
Last year I had to move to a cheaper apartment and I hate it here! I am looking for an aprtment to move to that is in a better area and will not be more than what I am paying. Only problem with that is the lease...I want to be able to leave when I am released from my doc so what to do.....
more stress
And I miss talking to Shirl...
yeppers the upbat girl is on a downer