Well here we are again

Feb 17, 2014

It's very upsetting to look at the blog post from 2012 and see the ticker and realize that I am in exactly the same place I was then. I still need to lose the same 50 lbs in order to have surgery. 2013 was a very bad year for me. I had such extreme back pain that suicide became a valid option for me. Thank God the pain has subsided, and I can face my eating problem head on. I have felt that I have such a bad addiction that I may never be able to overcome. I have come to realize though that the bigger problem is that I don't want to give up my addiction. I know all of the reasons why I should want to, but I get bogged down in how to cope with everyday life if I don't have the joy of bingeing. Sometimes I feel like that's the only thing that I have to give me joy. On the flip side of that, I know that it is false joy. I know that my food addiction is not my friend, but rather is my enemy. I understand that I need to find real joy in other places, but being disabled it is very difficult to find joy when I'm stuck at home most of the time. So, step number one tomorrow morning is to stop eating compulsively, and step two is to find other things that bring me joy. I hope that being here with you all again will be part of finding my joy. Blessings! ;)

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