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I'm really bored. Husband is gone, my sister is traveling with him, my parents are packing, and no one else is here.  I hope these next few days go by quick. maybe by some miraculous way, My husband and sister will be home tomorrow.  Hey it's wishful thinking.  I told a few people about my surgery. People who I though were kind of close to me. I trusted them.  I don't think they will tell anyone, but people are reacting differently than what I thought.  People who I thought would be really against it, are totally supportive and right there with me. People that I expected to be there right by my side, are not.  It's upsetting.  Oh well. They will come around.  Hopefully, and if not screw em, Right? lol. I'm just kidding.  I get frustrated, and I'm scared right now, but so excited at the same time!  I never thought I would be happy to go into surgery. But I am.  I have been trying to write letters to everyone, just in case.  But I'm having a hard time doing that because I truly feel nothing wrong is going to happen. I feel protected and safe. I really feel that this is what God wanted for me, and that I will be okay.  I am trying to clean my house and get it ready but I can't find the motivation to do it.  Weird isn't it?  I'm having a hard time.  
Anyways, I will write here tomorrow I'm sure.
Talk soon.

This is a post I put on the message board earlier. Explains what is going on with me.

I'm so excited!!  I went to my appointment on Thursday. I only lost 4lbs instead of the 5 they wanted, so I was freaking out thinking they were going to cancel my surgery.  The nurse who is always mean to me told me that they would if I didn't lose it all.  My Dr could care less. I actually had to bring it up and ask him about my weight(I didn't want to take any chances).  He said I'm fine, just don't gain any weight.  He also asked me to be a part of a research.  Which I think is awesome!!  I had to do some weird tests.  They drew my blood, to check to see how my blood platelets clump.  Then I had to keep a blood pressure cuff on and the finger thing(I think it's for pulse), while I put my hand in a bucket of ice cold water and try to keep it in there for 5 minutes. At first I was thinking oh that's easy, no problem. Uhhh no, it hurt so bad!! I could only do it for 20 seconds.  I was allowed take my hand out if I couldn't handle it, but I had to keep putting it back in there. I have a high pain tolerance and it was actually painful to me!  Wow, I never experienced that before.  Then I had to lay down, she took my BP, sit up-take my blood pressure, and then stand up and take my blood pressure again. That was it. Now I have to do it all again in a year.  They are trying to show how obesity affects the nervous system and those are all ways to show it.  At least that's my understanding.  So I am now officially a test subject. I feel cool;). hahaha!!
I am so excited to have my surgery. It is Friday the 19th(not the 18th like I thought).  I already had my anesthesia appt.  Now I just have to keep away from all the sick people. Which isn't going to be easy because I have my husband and four kids who are all sick.  So wish me luck. I have been taking Vitamin C like crazy. Not sure if there is a limit to how many mg you can have a day. I've been taking 2000mg in the am, 1000 mg during the day, then 2000mg at night. I hope that will keep it away!  (Any other suggestions??)
I really feel like I'm floating on a cloud. I can't believe that it's actually here.  It sucks because my Husband comes home today from being out to sea and then leaves tomorrow. He flies to NY, my sister is picking him up and then they are driving her car all the way back here. Her husband left this morning to go to Afghanistan. He is in the Army. Mine leaves in January, he's in the Navy. So we are going to be each other's support system. I am glad that God has made it happen this way.  This is their first deployment and our second. So I know a little bit more than her. But not much.  
I just wish I didn't have to be completely alone "waiting" for my surgery day to come.  That is what makes it worse. 
Ok, I think I'm done talking. Sorry, but at home alone with four kids all week does that to you.
Trust me I will be back on here later to bug everyone again!
Talk to you soon.
Terri

I'm getting really anxious. And it sucks because I'm here by myself. No one else is around.  My husband is gone, he comes home on Saturday and then is gone again until next Wednesday. And then I have surgery. So I don't even get to spend time with him. Sometimes I truly hate the Navy.  I wish he didn't have to be gone so much. I hate being here alone. There was so much I wanted to get done, and I don't feel like doing any of it.  I have no motivation right now to do it. I know you would think, hello surgery in 8 more days, get going. But I'm spending all my anxious time waiting alone. It sucks.  I wish it were different.
Oh well.
I'm  going to write on here later.

I have a date!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been on here in a long time. I was having so many problems with the hospital. It was that nurse. She is so rude!!!  Has been from day one. I really don't know why she is in the position she has right now.  She never put in any of my tests, I had to call her and keep telling her to put them in.  Finally, I got my nutrition appointments. At my first one I weighed 234(my normal weight).  Well at the dr appt. I was 230(i personally believe their scale was off, I had my papsmear done right after that and I weighed 234 like normal).  So it showed I gained weight. I love the nutritionist she was awesome.  She told me lose whatever I can and that 234 would be my base line.  So I said ok. Did my diet(diabetic diet) and then came back 2 weeks later and lost 4 lbs putting me at 230.  So according to this nurse it shows I didn't lose anything.  So anyways, I have to lose 5 lbs by the 11th which is my pre-op appt.  Then my surgery will be December 18th.  I'm really worried I can't lose the weight in that time.   I am going to do the Atkins diet(because it does work-for at least a short time), and then I'm going to exercise my butt off as much as possible.  I hope that won't hurt me. So I'm praying and praying. I truly believe this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  I also have the little tiny voice in the back of my head telling me all the negative and making me doubt.  But I keep making it shutup!  I push it away and try not to listen to it.  
So wish me luck!!! I will update soon!!!
I will be looking at all the before and after pictures now that one day I KNOW that will be me on there:)! 

I am excited now. Today was my first appointment at Balboa.  The dr. was so awesome. He just said well since you already know a lot about the surgery and have been doing this since july we will put you on a FAST TRACK. Which means they will speed up the process!!!!   So now it's Nov. 17th or Dec. 15th.  Not sure which one. Trying for the 17th. Only thing standing in the way is the Nutrionist.  They don't have any appts. 
And GUESS WHAT????  I lost 4 lbs!!! WOW!!!!  I was shocked because I haven't really been eating that well. Still no sodas, but I have been eating candy and stuff. This last time when I went grocery shopping I only bought health food so it makes me eat the healthy.  I got yogurt, string cheese, celery, carrots, 100 calorie pack snacks.  And fruit.  It's been helping I guess.  So now the dr. only wants me to lose 5 more pounds!!  Yeah!!
But I have to have a pap smear, I have been really bad. I just don't want one.  I don't take birth control, my husband had a vasectomy, and why do I need one???  Anyways I know it has been about 2-3 years. I know the dr. said 2 years was good for me,but I was dreading going. I just needed a break down there after having all my kids.
I was able to schedule that on Monday no problem.
I also have to have an Upper GI done.  have no clue on that one, Never done that before.
It seems like everything is finally starting to fall into place now.  Except when I was there I ran into the nurse that I talked to on the phone.  She was really nice. But I feel really weird with her. LIke she doesn't want to help me with the surgery.  She made excuses so that I wouldn't be able to do it the 17th.  Why can't they make an exception to the rule? I know they can't, I'm just being a baby.  I feel like I say that about everyone. That no one likes me.  Hahaha!
Oh well.  I really do feel alot better. I am just praying, and trying to keep this in God's hand, not mine. I keep taking it back and worrying.  I hope he can give me peace for when the right time is. 

I just posted this on the california forum, so instead of writing it twice I just copied and paste.

Sorry, this is going to be long. 
I'm a Navy  Wife in San Diego.  I get all my medical through a civilian Doctor. I asked for the referral for RNY from my PCP and within a week I had an appointment with Dr. Mary Murphy.  No Problem, l loved her. I had my Psych appt-cleared, blood work, EKG-all cleared, everything done.  Tricare doesn't cover a nutritionist, so I was working with Dr. Mary on that.  I had the authorization letter from Tricare approving my surgery.  All I was waiting for was a surgery date. Everything went  soooo smoothly! I was floating on a cloud. 
Then my Dr found out she wasn't able to do any surgery's at this time, and said I can wait for her(wasn't sure how long), Or I could go see someone else. She was totally fine with that.  So after having some trouble switching the doctors through the 1-800# for Tricare, I was frustrated and called my civilian Dr. and told him what happened and if he could get me another referral for  a doctor I wanted to see.  For some reason my doctor's office put in a general referral with no doctor labeled. I guess if that happens and the base can do the service there, they pick it up. Tricare can't touch it or anything.  I was trying to explain to them I already had the approval, but they didn't care, the base has a lock on my file, and to do anything, have the surgery, or be reffered out, I HAVE to see their surgeon and he makes that decision.  So I have been calling them all week, and all I heard was the nurse is reviewing your file, as soon I as I get it from her I will call you and make an appointment.  So I get a phone call today, and guess what, the nurse knows NOTHING about me. She kept asking me what the referral was for(well let me see, you are a BARIATRIC CLINIC, what else would it be for!!!!)  She didn't know about me having High Blood Pressure, my weight, my height, my BMI, Nothing!  I'm thinking what were you doing all week that you had to "review" my file.   Anyways, she was pretty rude, and I explained the whole entire story to her, she didn't care.  She was basically saying what do you want me to do.  At this point I don't care where I get the surgery done, I just want it done.  So I asked her about their program, I said I have been trying to do this since July.  She said it's up to me and how motivated I am, they usually want us to lose 10% of excess weight, meet with the nutritionist, and take 2 classes.  She thought it would take at least 3 months. I also told her  my husband deploys in January I would like to try and have it done at least a month before then, so I can at least be somewhat healed before he leaves me with our four kids for 6 months!  (I don't want to go under without him there!  I know he can't do anything if something happens, I know that he will probably be so stressed and worried, and won't be much help, but he makes me feel safe, and feel okay and calm).   It seemed like she didn't even care about that, it was oh no, that won't happen it will be at least 3 months. I asked about the surgeon releasing me to be referred out, and she said it was highly unlikely considering they do all the services there.  At the end, she said so what did you want to do, did you want to do this or not? (hello?? Did you not hear me? I have been trying to do this since July, YES!! I want to do this!)  

When I got off the phone, I just started balling. I don't understand what's going on.  Why does it seem like I'm jumping through hoops just to get this done?   I feel like maybe this wasn't meant to be, maybe I wasn't supposed to have this surgery.  I also think of how this would change my life, I dream about that, the changes, how much healthier I would be, how much healthier my children and husband will be.  I am so stressed over this. I don't think I have been this stressed over anything.  I feel like my life is on hold. And I don't think it's fair that I already had an approval and the military came in and just took it away.  Even if they just said, "okay I see you were already approved, but we want to do the surgery here, let me make you a surgery date"(yeah, only in my dreams).

So that's my story, I'm making myself sick over this.(hey, maybe I will lose some weight from being stressed)
Thank's for listening, sorry for all the whining!(now I know where my kids get it from!)

Terri

I have not been on here for a while.  I was able to finally talk to DR. Mary last Thursday(I think).  She explained she was having some problems getting some insurance that she needed to do the surgery.  That if I wanted I could find a different doctor.  She did not know how long it would take.  I honestly would love to have her do it still.  But I am trying to beat the clock and get this done before my honey leaves in January.   At least to give me enough time to heal before he's gone.  I need to be up and running so I have the strength to wrangle my kids by myself for 6 months.
She was so nice, and talked with me for a half hour. 
So I tried switching to another dr.  That is a long story and more....
Basically he is not a network provider for tricare. When I called Triwest they said he isn't, when I called Coastal Obesity they said they were.  So I got frustrated and called my civilian doctor.  They put in a general referral again for  bariatric surgery consultation.  Because they did not specify a doctor, the military treatment facility picked up. That puts a lock on my file that not even my insurance company, Tricare can do anything about. So Basically I have to go see the military to get permission to go to a regular doctor. IF that's what they decide. They can always say nope you don't need it, or make me go there if they still do it there.  I am not sure if they do or not.  Tricare made it sound like Balboa doesn't perform the surgery there. So we will see. When I called Balboa they said my file was being reviewed and that they would call me to make an appointment, so I am hoping that they hurry through that.  I am praying like crazy.  I am feeling so stressed and upset right now.  I feel like giving up. 
I was thinking last night, when I decided that I wanted this surgery, it made me so happy.  I was excited to get up in the morning, I was cleaning my house more and getting my kids to school on time. My husband and I have had a better relationship since all of this.  I'm not sure exactly why, but I know some of it is that I have come to terms that I really am fat.  I know that sounds dumb, I look at myself in the mirror everyday and see that.  But I never really let myself truly believe that and truly know that.  I was so ashamed I just locked that away and never thought about it.  I was in denial.  I didn't even realize that until I was contemplating this surgery.  Then I realized what I was doing.  It was like I had immediate freedom from myself.  I was free, and able to be happy. My husband and I joke around about it now(he has always struggled with his weight also).  I told him one night, when we went out to dinner, just him and I for our Ten year anniversary, that I feel bad sometimes, it's like oh, Terri won't be eating anymore so now we will save money, it made him laugh so hard.  I loved making him laugh. We had a great time that night. 
I am getting so upset because, I have always felt that if it was something that was so easy to get done(it was in the begining), then it was the right thing.  If it's something to hard to get done, then it wasn't meant to be.  I am having a hard time with that right now.  I keep going back and forth. The main reason is because of just the idea of getting this surgery done, has changed my life so much these past few months!   I don't think I need to wait any longer. If I don't get it done before December then I won't be able to get it done until next August or September.  I think I am going to have to just plan for that.  That is so upsetting.  I'm really depressed at the thought of that. 
So that is my drama for now. There's always something going on....

So today, my 4 year old daughter started preschool.  The problem is that it's only for 3 hours(it's free so I'm not  complaining), and it's at least 20 minutes from my house.  Driving to drop her off, then coming home, working out at our housing's free gym, then driving back to get her and come back home, will just be way too much.  We are used to 1 gas tank a paycheck.  This will be an extra 2 gas tanks.  In other words an extra $300 dollars a month.  I figured paying $25 a month for a gym right down the street from her school is a lot cheaper than paying the other.  So now I really have to work out. I'm not looking forward to it.  I always try and act like I really want to work out. But the truth is, I HATE IT!! I can't stand it.  I get so tired, and when I get home I have nothing left to chase my kids.  I know, it will eventually give me energy, but it is just getting to that point that annoys me.  I also get embarrassed. I always think about what everyone else is thinking when they see me walk in.  Oh no, another fat girl trying to lose weight, she won't do it.  She won't accomplish it, I don't even know why she is trying. I feel they look at me like I'm not serious about working out. Your not going to be here for long so it doesn't matter how I treat you. It's probably just me that thinks that about myself.  I don't know why but I do.  I get really shy, I am so self-conscious I wish I could take that one thing away from my personality.  But I am going to have to suck it up, and just do it.  I just have to keep thinking that it will be helping me no matter what happens. 
I am also frustrated because I called my Dr. today and no answer. I got the  answering machine the two times I called.  I left a message asking if they had a date for me, and if not if they could call me and let me know how long it would take to get one.  We will see what happens.  I have been very relaxed lately and really trying to just take it easy and not stress over it.  But I have not heard anything, not even a call to say they got my whole file from my Dr. or they got my message about a medication that was added to my medical record a week and a half ago. I think that's kind of an important reason to give somebody a call back. 
Well anyways, off to mope around.  Hopefully not for too long.

So, I'm waiting.  Not sure really what for, I'm scared to call and bother my Dr.  If she says oh we don't know yet, and not sure, I will be so upset.  I can't handle  that right now. So I'm refusing to call.  But I can't get it off my mind.  I just need a date!   I wish I could at least know the date.  I need to tell my sister so she can buy her plane ticket out here(she is going to help take care of my 4 kids), I need to tell my mom so she can get some time off, and if possible(hopefully!!!) my husband will be in port at the time of surgery, so he can get time off and be there also.  I know I don't actually "need" him there. I'm sure that I can do most of everything myself after surgery.  That's not the point.  I have been there with him through everything.  He has had so many surgeries.  I was always there waiting nervously in the waiting room for the dr. to tell me he is fine.  Not that I want my husband to worry, I just want him to actually be the one to take care of me.  You know so he will know what it feels like to be on the other end.  I guess it's dumb.  Also, he is my strength, and going under knowing he's at least nearby makes me feel better.  I know if something happens he can't do anything, but it's just the thought.  It makes me feel uncomfortable if he were floating out on the ocean, far away, and I'm going into surgery.  

I also want to start school in November.  So I'm hoping the surgery will be scheduled for the end of September or Early October. That way I can feel pretty good by the time school starts.  I want to go to school to be an RN.  I would be starting the pre-requisites.  I have been waiting forever to start school. And now since my youngest is four and in preschool(only 3hrs a day, but hey it's something!), I can actually start on something for me.  Then when she hits kindergarten next year, I can start school full time.

I know I probably sound so selfish, I keep talking about me, me, me,.  But I  have spent so much of myself on my whole family, and my friends, and my babies.  I never, ever, took time for myself, and it shows!  I am now 28, and need something for me. I've done my job, now it's time to give myself something back. 

Anyways, my days right now are spent, hoping and praying the next phone call will be Dr. Murphy's office.  I feel desperate, and anxious.  I don't want to bug them, but I have a feeling that's how it's going to end up.  I like them so much.  It's Theresa her assistant(I think,not sure if she's a nurse), and Dr. Mary Murphy.  I really like them both.  Theresa makes me feel so comfortable just by talking to her on the phone.  She is really, really nice.  I love Dr. Murphy.  She is so funny, and I love how she is upfront, and just says this is how it is.  I agree with a lot of what she says.  To the point that I want to make an appointment to just go hang out with her again(yes, I'm a dork).  I don't have a real reason to go.  I do have more questions, but not really enough or important enough to make an appt.  At least I don't think so.

So I will stop whining now. I think I feel a little bit better.

I wasn't supposed to see my DR. until the 18th.  It just so happened my son was sick and I had to take him on Friday. And just so happens that he was able to see our actual DR.  As soon as we talked about my son I told him what surgery I was trying to do, and how they wanted me to wait for 2 weeks to seem him because it was a 30 minute appt. He said No thats not how long we need.  He went to the front desk, his MA wasn't in there at the time, so he scheduled me in for Monday, himself!!(because he's cool like that) I was shocked but so happy. 
On Monday, I had my EKG, and had some blood drawn.  I figured okay I will have to wait until next week for the tests, then have to wait for them to fax it, I was thinking like 2 weeks or more before I would hear from them.  I called today to ask him about a medication I just recently started, and he says oh, your tests all came back okay and we faxed over everything already.  WOW! I was speechless!! 2 days!!!
  WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!  So now hopefully I will hear from Dr. Murphy.  I love her as a doctor too!  I can't believe how blessed I am. Thank you Lord, for blessing me in so many ways!  I never even dreamed of anything like this.