RebekaA

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Thank you RNY!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. What can I say? After 2 years +....there's just not much new to say. Life is wonderful. I am happy, healthy and feel better than I have in years! My focus is where it should be, instead of fixating on being fat and how miserable it made me EVERYDAY--My focus is now on the important things: family, eating healthy, exercising and LIVING and ENJOYING life.

Maintaining has been easier than I thought. That's not to say I don't work at. I work out 4x a week, more or less if I feel like it. I do it because it's crucial to my long term success, and because I LOVE IT.

I still avoid white, processed carbs. Once in a while we'll eat whole wheat pasta or WW bread, but I don't miss them. I don't really eat sweets, but I also don't go waaay out of my way to avoid them. If I REALLY REALLY want it, I'll eat it. I have learned it's all about BALANCE! If I indulge one day, I'm extra good the next day and make sure I dont slack off on my work out.

My aim and goal has been moderation. I NEVER feel deprived. There are some things I do just flat out avoid...don't bring them in the house etc. because they are a trigger for me and I have no will power around them, so I prefer to just not go there. But overall, liking the size I'm in, makes saying no, worth it every time! Bottom line is, this has never felt like a diet!

The RNY "rules" are ingrained now and second nature, I don't usually even think about them. So for you newbies who worry about "will I ever feel 'normal' again?" You will! and long before 2.5 years out!

I haven't had the dreaded "rebound" weight gain (yet?) I do bounce up and down about 4-5 pounds, but it doesn't bother me. I WEIGH EVERYDAY, i think that's so important! So I keep an eye on it and know when it's just normal "bounce" or when I've overdone it and need to tighten my belt again.

I find nowdays, I always walk around with a smile on my face because EVERYTHING is just SO much better now! The simplest things give me pause and make me grateful...being able to share a park bench made for one with my 4 year old daughter....being able to squeeze into someone's back seat and fit....being able to run for miles without pause! It's all amazing.

Oh, and let's not forget the best part....honestly....is to get to wear a gorgeous dress like this! It's all icing on the cake =)

All the best to you always!

Just exercise.

I've been getting a lot of emails asking if I'd had plastics or tummy tuck etc. Thanks, I'm flattered!

But no, no plastics, just exercise and a good padded bra. I'm not really all that tone, it's amazing what clothes will cover. And there's a pic of my arm flab among my photos.

Jogging seemed to really help shrink my midsection. I started that around a year out. Up till then I focused mainly on cardio, treadmill, elliptical, bike. Lately I've been doing The new Firm DVD's which are cardio/weights, Step Classes, Interval Training classes and light free weights and have really seen a difference in my arms and bum!

We spent 8 days in Yosemite this month for our official "First Thin Vacation." What a blast! Wow! Traveling is SO enjoyable when you don't have to worry about all the little things that go along with "Will I fit?"

Each day, as we hiked (uphill) 2-5 miles a day, then came back to take a nightly SWIM; was a CELEBRATION of our life now and everything we are able to enjoy!

Not even 2 years ago, a trip like this would have been out of the question. Anything more active than walking was pushing it. We would never have made it thru.

Eating was no problem, I was worried about eating out every meal for 8 days! I haven't been away from my "routine" for more than a weekend in 2 years; but it went pretty well. We did a lot of driving and I was more "snacky" than I wanted to be, (I hate long drives!). So that needed some work. But everywhere we ate, offered healthy choices thankfully. We ate a lot at the Resort restaurant (you didn't think *I* actually "camped" it did you? heck no! lol! I do nature WITH room service!) and they had a great Salmon salad. And the breakfast buffet was a feast of fresh fruit, yogurt, cottage cheese and granola! Heaven!

Don't get me wrong, there were also some scrumptuous danish and a day of wonderful pancakes involved--but being away from my scale for a week and just not knowing--was a vacation in itself too. However, all good things must come to an end, and I will be DETOXING from all that cr*p this week!

***Forgive my tangent for a minute here,***but a vitally important thing I have learned about letting yourself get off track for a little bit is that the trick is to get RIGHT BACK on the scale the day you come home! If you let the fear of seeing you've gained a bit, keep you off the scale--those 3-5 pounds quickly turn into 10! The longer you put off knowing, the longer you are tempted to keep indulging! Just get on, take your lumps and deal with it. You want to get those few pounds off right away when just "cutting back" will do it. Once it goes beyond that and takes more effort and you actually have to DIET them off--that's when you can hit trouble!

Anyway, we biked, swam, hiked and hiked and enjoyed it all so much! I can't wait to go back. Best news is, despite the requisite vacation indulgences, I can back to find I was down 1 pound! Yay.

The last vacation dh and I took (pre-child,) was to Europe. I was about 240 and I remember walking down the gorgeous streets, being passed up by people in their 70's! I felt exhausted and miserable the entire time. Mostly it broke my heart I was in Europe and couldn't shop for any clothes!

This vacation was all about FREEDOM!

Be well.



Climbing the 25ft Rock Wall w/my baby


At the top of a very TALL mountain!


(A tourist cut off our heads)


My little monkey


T-shirts in snow. Gotta love it!

What's life like 2 years out....?

Remember those days in your early 20's....riding around in a convertible, car full of friends...a gorgeous summer day, wind blowing in your hair, not a care in the world; your favorite song comes on the radio and you sing along at the top of your lungs....

Yeah, it's kinda like that. Every.Single.Day

Be Well

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/before+and+after.php?Member_ID=A1124946031

(You may have to copy and paste the link).

What do you do when your #1 New Years Resolution for the last 10 years has finally been fulfilled?!?!?!?! What do you do when you get the brass ring?

Go out and party I guess!

For the first time in my life, I don't have "Lose Weight this year" at the top of my list--or on my list at all actually. Head trip! I don't know what to do with myself! =)

Have been below goal for about 6 months now. Maintaining is easier than I expected. A little work, but nothing I can't handle. Hopefully will continue to be so. I couldn't be happier!

All is good!

Happy New Year OH!!!! THANK YOU!

This is borrowed with permission from my friend Scott William's blog, who in turn copied it from a post off the Men's Board. (To see Scott's profile look up: Scott William).

As a relatively new runner in love with the freedom in it, I loved it and he was kind enough to let me repost it here. Thanks Scott! This goes thru my head sometimes as I run and remember a time when I couldn't even jog, much less RUN.... Why do *I* run? ....BECAUSE I CAN!


Why I Run...This is the same question that runners often ask themselves.  The answer is nearly impossible.  The "because it's there" answer is true but does not provide the whole answer. 

John Bingham is a runner whose gimmic is that he is slow.  He writes for Runners World and has come up with a good answer that I can tweak a little to make mine.

I run away from many things.  Mostly I run away from being fat.  I run away from everyone who has doubted me in life.  I run away from the 12 minute mile that I ran in the 5th grade and was last.  I run away from being picked last in elementary school.  I run away from the girls that I thought would not date the fat kid.  I run away from the inmates who would yell "fat F**K" every time I walked into a dorm.  I run away not being able to tie my shoes.  I run away from a million things.

I run toward a million things.  I run toward high self confidence.  I run toward self esteem.  I run toward the pretty girls.  I run toward being healthy.  I run toward a goal that  less than 2% of the population has done.  I run because when someone sees me on a treadmill for an hour, they think I'm nuts.  It empowers me.  I run because the 26.2 mile pain feels so good for so long.  I run for the T-Shirts.  Mostly I run because hopefully, my son sees me and wants to be me.  

I cried when he shoved a fist full of McDonalds fries into his mouth and said, "I want to eat like you daddy",  I would love to cry because just finished a race and perhaps I had something to do with it.

Enjoy your journey!

20 months out. HW: 284/Today 138!

I wasn’t always fat…so I knew what life was like pre-fat. I noticed the day men stopped opening doors for me; The day I stopped getting out of speeding tickets and stopped getting freebies from boys who smiled at me. Noticed when I was offered "lesser" lower profile jobs; I noticed the day the make-up counter bitches avoided helping me and started called me “ma’am” instead of “miss” even though I was only in my early 20’s. It hurt, it was rough but I knew/know how the world works. The world is for skinny people, we live in a shallow, vain, appearance obsessed society where looks matter more than potential substance. Oh well I dealt with it, what I didn’t deal with, is that some part of me deep inside felt I deserved this shoddy treatment b/c I was fat. Such are the f*cked up mind games society plays on us. Bad enough fat people get treated as less than par, but WE ourselves feel unworthy just b/c we don’t “fit in.”

So off the soap box, let me tell you about my last few months…

I ran a stop sign (badly, didn’t even slow down) right in front of a cop. He pulls me over. HE starts flirting with me. I fully admit to the bad driving ready to accept my ticket b/c it was so blatant and frankly, I EARNED this ticket. I don’t flirt back b/c puuleaase how cliché! He lets me off with a smile.

Thank you RNY for saving me about $500 in ticket/traffic school costs!

Next, I go to Circuit City to buy a fancy dodad thing for dh’s Ipod car thingymajig. They can’t get it in time for his bday, they don't ship between stores so I would have to drive to another store an hour away to get one. I told him never mind, that’s too far for me to go… BUT the sales guy tells me he has friend who works in that store and can maybe work something out, he will LMK.

Two days later he calls me, it’s ready for me to pick up at their store. When I show up I ask the guy how he had it so fast. He says he couldn’t have it delivered, so he called his friend, the friend brought it home with him and my sales guy WENT TO PICK IT UP AT HIS HOUSE (AN HOUR AWAY) and then brought it into work for me. Is that even allowed?! SAY WHAAAAAT?! It wasn’t THAT big $$$ of a sale! I’m not kidding you. Mind you I NEVER ASKED for any extra help. That’s a whole level of customer service I’m not used to!

Then, the cable guy comes to my house, the box he brings doesn’t work, he needs to come back and it will probably be days before I can get another appt. I NEED a working cable box, I need my shows AND I have a 3 year old—anyone with kids knows without Mr. Babysitter for that hour a day—Mommy ain’t happy!

It’s 5pm—and I’m his last appt—he’s off. He tells me if I want to run to the cable office (10 min. away) and get a box that works, he will give me his cell number and come back that same night to hook everything up back up, or he says, he can come back the next day ON HIS DAY OFF, to help me out. I was like "Aren't you off work? I don't want to put you out!" He says it's ok, b/c he doesn't want to leave me in the lurch. Sweet, but I’m like “dude, you see the wedding ring right?” Now that’s totally awesome and I appreciate a working TV, but again…SAY WHAAAAAAT?!

And can I mention I literally haven’t opened my own door anywhere for like a year?! It’s a trip. I knew what it was like when I started getting treated differently, but I guess I had just forgotten.I'm sure if you're post op you can relate and this kinda stuff is happening to you too.

Ok, they’re not really jerks, but seriously?! I don’t want to sound bad or anything , but OUCH! the fat girl still in me grieves, resents and chafes at this preferential treatment. I never wanted to be treated special, I just didn’t want to be treated different anymore.

A year and a half later.....A year and a half later.....A year and a half later..... I still can't believe it.

A year and a half later I am:
happy with myself, ok thrilled
living the life I want to lead FINALLY
down from 284 (HW ever) to 145
down from size 24/26 to 6/7
free to focus my energies somewhere other than: obsessing about my weight and dieting!

Am I a different person now? No. I'm ME again. The MO person I had to walk around as for 7 years was the person who was foreign to me. This sounds bad, I tried to love the fat girl I became, I feel for her, b/c I tried to love her, but I hated her, couldn't understand her, she was a betrayal of who I really was.

On an awkward transition...I read so many posts from newbies talking about how they're afraid of taking the plunge because "they can NEVER eat sugar again, NEVER drink alcohol, NEVER have this, NEVER have that.... NEVERNEVERNEVER.

IMHO, It's not about NEVER. It doesn't have to be.

It's about making healthy choices, following protocol, exercising to keep the weight off and living a life of moderation. --Oh yeah, and LOT'S OF SHOPPING FOR GREAT CLOTHES!!!

I drink alcohol--occasionally. I have a piece of cake or a bite of dessert --occasionally. It doesn't lead to bingeing or a week long fit of bad eating.

>>>>>>Now mind you....*IMPORTANT*IMPORTANT*IMPORTANT*>>>>>>

I do this because I AM AT GOAL.... I did not get to goal by doing this along the way. So please do not misunderstand what I am saying and go putting twinkies in your protein drinks like someone posted on the board!!! LOL

Honestly, if I was lucky it WOULD be a life of never. After a year, your pouch would not have stretched, you'd still dump (if you ever did at all) and still get full on 2oz of food. Sometimes I wish it was like that. That's not how it works. Anywhere after 1-2 years you will most likely be able to eat like a "normal" person, hopefully not as much as you did pre-op, but like a light eater.

I don't know anyone at this point who doesn't feel like a "normal" eater. This is good and bad. You're able to lead a more normal life, not feel like a post op anymore, your Protein/Water/Exercise has become routine. But it's now your responsibility to keep making  wise choices, follow the rules, maintain the loss and hopefully the good habits you've learned along the way. It's now more up to you. The tool still works, but you still have to work it.

Someone posted a great question on the boards today....They asked "Do you feel that you have achieved all that you thought you would? Are you a different person"

I feel I have gotten so so so much more than I expected out of this journey. More than I could ever have expected.

I expected to just get to a healthier weight, but I honestly thought I would only get down to "chubby" IF I WAS LUCKY. I really thought I'd get down to around 170 or a size 12, and stop losing, and I was prepared to be happy with that.

I also expected it to be very obvious to the naked eye and strangers that I used to be MO.

I NEVER believed or dared to think I'd get even close to my goal weight or be satisfied with my excess skin issues. --Seven years of failed diets I guess had me thinking I could never "win" the fat war; never get out of Fat Prison...

Even now though, I never feel totally free from Fat Prison--just on parole.

I also never thought to achieve the level of fitness I have. I had such terrible back problems I thought that was how I was going to have to live the rest of my life--limited, restrained always unable to give any activity 100% and in pain 75% of the time. I had back problems when I was young and thin, so I didn't think "just" losing weight would make a difference. but it has! I've been blessed.

As for being a "different person" at the end of this. No I don't think I am. I've asked the few friends that know about my RNY if I seem different. They say not different, just happier.

I gained weight after college, I didn't grow up heavy. So my "identity" was as a thin person. So I never expected to be a "different person" at the end of this--I just hoped to get to be ME again! So my adjustment has been easy in that I finally got to be the "real me" again--and I'D MISSED HER!

I'm different in that I'm not weighed down by the limitations I previously felt, or by the internal sadness I carried knowing that I wasn't being who I supposed to be; that I was being held back. I'm different in that I'm free from the burden of being controlled by food finally. Free from living a life of deprivation and perpetual dieting for no reason at all, b/c I hadn't eaten a doughnut or sweet in 5 years--and was STILL FAT and unable to lose weight so what was the point?!?!?! Bring on the Cheeseburgers!!!!

All in all it's not about never. It's about a Second Chance.

As always, my best to you! Feel free to leave me a comment!