Where has the time gone?

Aug 25, 2010

I can't beleive I haven't written anytrhing since June! Yesterday i went for my 6 month nut. appt. My 6 mth surgeon appt is next tuesday. I was actually 6 mths. on 8/5, but couldn't get off work to go to either of them sooner. I have now lost 75 lbs, nut tells me I am still "right in the middle" of the chart for wt. loss progress, neither too fast nor too slow. I am trying to just go with the flow and not obsess over how fast or slowly it comes off. I am so close to being under 200 though that I can't wait. But I am also trying to enjoy where I am now because I have not been at this size for a long, LONG time. It is frustrating though that I often can't "see" the loss and still see myself as not much different from before. I know that I am smaller because the scale says so, my clothes are a much smaller size (L & XL and 14 pants instead of 3X and 20-22!!!) and everyone tells me so. But I look in the mirror and I now understand how anorexics can still see themselves as fat when they are nothing but skin and bones. I'll be glad when my brain catches up with reality.

My sweet husband is very happy with my weight loss and tells me all the time how tiny I am and how great I look. He has always been sweet and supportive no matter what my size, and he was terrified of my having the surgery. He still worries about me too much but there is a lot less to worry about now. It does feel funny to have people "check you out". In a curious way mostly, like "how much has she lost now" , "what size is she down to now", etc. Some are just nice and a little curious but a few can seem almost competitive or agressive or something. I did not go thru all this to compete with anyone else about how much they have lost or how they lost it. I am happy for anyone that can manage to lose weight no matter how or how much!!! It's just kind of strange!

I am getting better about being able to eat more things, but I still have to be careful with meats and even other foods sometimes. I still depend on 1 protein shake a day and sometimes a protein bar to get it all in. Lately I have not been getting enough fluids and definitely not enough vegetables. Got to work on both of those. Nut just released me to eat raw veggies and suggested I try a Burger King grilled chicken salad. I have always loved those because the chicken is served hot and moist, but I am nervous about trying one. I'm just gonna have to go slow and see how it sits after a few bites. I have now had 3 slices of toast with a spoonful of peanut butter (during a 2 mth. period.) I try to stay away from bread other than a grilled cheese sandwich made with a low card tortilla about twice a month, but I was getting so burnt out on eating the same things so often that I wanted to try something new. It's a nice change and does fine as long as I eat slowly and toast the bread well. Mostly I still eat a lot of tuna, canned chicken, cottage cheese, yogurt, cheddar and mozzarella cheese sticks, salmon patties, deli tukey, and chili.  I am going to have to get out all the recipes I have gathered and actually try some of them. It just seems like too much trouble and bother, but I have to remember that I am worth it and not taking care of ME is part of the reason I needed surgery in the first place.

Well, I've about caught up, I think. I'll try not to go this long before posting again. I haven't had much time for the computer in the past couple months but coming here helps me and that's something else I need to make time to do for ME. Maybe next time I post I will be in ONEDERLAND! That would be terrifiic! At 6 months out would I do this again? ABSOLUTELY! Is it easy? NO WAY- it's one of the hardest things I have ever done. Is it worth it? YES!!! Would I reccommend it to others? Yes, with the admonition to do tons of research, praying, and soul searching before committing to this path and knowing it is the right path for them!

Be back soon!

0 Comments