Its been a long time since I wrote on my blogs

Jun 13, 2010

Hi all it is 3 year since I have had surgery GBP..I almost reached my goal last summer my mother got ill with cancer which runs in my family bad everyone died from it one way or another so I got back into my old habits eating and yes drinking not writting down what i ate carelessly i slipped back into emotional eating i can do only certain exersices due to my spine it is detereating i have degeration of the spine n my bones r weak due to genitics they say okay so now i have to make up my mind and get my head on straight i loved how i felt coming out of surgery sick at first and double questioned myself then realised god or doctors gave me a second chance some ask me would i do it all over again somedays i say yes and other no but in all reality i am glad i got it done even though the stinky farts just come when they want at the oddest times i run away dang thing lingures behind hahahah cant lie about those i cleared out a room full of people gaging all i could do was laugh im used to it but they sure ain't hence screen name Toxic Vapors hahaha but i read a post it made lots of sence i will start coming back to the site and learn the new ways on how to work it it has been over a year and lots of new things i gained 36lbs so yeah im up to 186lbs but if i never ain any more im ok with this but i'dlike to hit the 140 mark perhaps so i can be proud of myself and say yes i knew i could do it even if im gona gain some weight back as my doctor said i would perhaps im pose to be 175 170 it seems i was at that weight the longest as if my body struggled at that point but when ma passd i ate nothing over 2 months then hit 150 then i started emotional eating depressed all the time then the more i ate the more i became depressed my back went out so i kept putting theblame on something else than what is really bothering me .. so i came full circle and realised i can do it again it mighttake time of course since im not freashly out of surgery but i know i can do it I done it once so I can do it again thank you all out here that still talk to me in regular e mails and perhaps once i hit the 140 mark i shall get surgery done that too has played a lil on the weight lose my arms r so bad and butt sags bad n my thighs n tummy the skin u can just pull and mold like silly puddy but one day i will reach a certain goal and thatgoal is to be happy with myself i still struggle with emotional stress eating i might always have to battle that demon but I know i can do it ! Bright blessing and warm wishes to all of u out there who got there insides cut twisted and gutted out for a new u ..

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