Giving it another go

Apr 20, 2013

So. In the last 7 months, I've done protein shakes, I've worked out, I've zumba'd, I've yoga'd, I've juiced, I did green smoothies, I've done the induction phase of Atkins (twice) and I've done the first two levels of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred (twice.) Not to mention, I don't eat processed food, fast food, junk food, msg, high fructose corn syrup, or any of the other nasties that are in most "food", just as a general way of eating. All in all, over the last 7 months, I lost about 10 lbs and gained 2-3 lbs back. I felt so discouraged and frustrated with myself. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, it just didn't seem to make any difference. So I took a long deserved break. Started eating what I wanted within reason and stopped stressing myself out so much. Scale be damned. Luckily I didn't really gain any/much weight during the break. But I did visit my Dr. to discuss what other options were available to jump start my weight loss again.

So, now I'm on an appetite suppressant to help me take the edge off my cravings and not focus so much on eating. I started them on Wednesday and so far (in 3 days) I've lost 3.5 lbs. I'm down to 182.5. I haven't seen that number since I was very early pregnant with my last baby. It's weird to see that number. For the last 2 years, my body would squeak down to 185 slowly and painfully and then slingshot back up into the 190's. I haven't been below 185 in over 2 years. It's funny, it was only 3.5 lbs that were needed to get to where I am, but those 3.5 lbs make me feel so rewarded. It's a little ridiculous how just a few pounds can make you feel like a whole new person, and happy with yourself. We are such fickle creatures, are we not? 

Now. This appetite suppressant. What a weird medication. I was told it would make me feel like I just drank a few cups of coffee all at one time. Hyper, jittery and maybe restless. I can't say that I agree with that description. Honestly, it made me feel pretty loopy at first. In fact, the first day when I only took half a pill, I was so "high?" that I went to my mom's house to 'come down' before I went to pick my kids up from school. The side effects have gotten better over the last few days and not as intense. However, it does a pretty great job at making me not think about food. It kind of reminds me of the first year after my gastric bypass. There were some days that the whole day would go by and I would suddenly go, "Oh crap! I haven't eaten at all today!" Nothing intentional of course, but it was just because I simply forgot. The hunger wasn't there, and I wasn't thinking about it. And even when I do sit down to eat, it's not a big deal and it allows me to stop when I feel full. I don't 'want' to eat past that point. I don't have the urge to snack in between meals, either. So I literally have just been eating three healthy meals, with nothing in between and I don't feel hungry, and I'm not constantly thinking about food like I usually do when I 'diet'. So in that respect, I'd say the medicine works wonders! I'm hoping that my time on it will allow me to learn that I don't need to eat to feel comforted or to be entertained.

I'm trying not to get my hopes too high, because it seems like whenever I do that, I immediately stop losing weight or I wind up letting myself down. So, I'm trying to be realistic and not stress about it. While I'd love to be at goal by my 8 year surgiversary in 5 days, I know it's not going to happen, and I'm ok with that. At least, I will be lower than I have been at any point in the last 2 years, and I call that a success all in itself! So we'll see how this goes!  

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