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I'm on the cover of OH magazine for the July/August edition.  Holy crow...What a shocker when I received the preliminary copy from the editor in my inbox last week.  Yes, I wrote the article and submitted the photos...but old patterns die hard and of course my obese voice inside my head said, "They're never going to really publish your work."  So, I detached myself emotionally after I tendered my submission and moved on with other projects and interestes. Even healthy and at 104 pounds I still have relapses of self doubt and throw back behaviors stemming from obesity.  Well, well well.... isn't that a surprise?!  Fortunately when I have these "moment's" I can now see them for what they are and work through them.  And the work never includes M &M's, Devil Dogs or Ben and Jerry's!  It' not perfection but it's pretty close!

This Nurse and bariatric success story needs help winning the Purple Lab Model contest...something I could not ever conceive of before I became healthy and physically fit!  Please support my entry by  following the link below by pasting into your internet browser window and PLEASE leave me a comment so I may thank you for your support!  THANK YOU SO MUCH!  REACH FOR YOUR DREAMS!!

http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=1092757_34697625&pid=3401958&scid=510

Okay, clearly I have not been a good blogger.  Now I regret it.  But I can recall all my issues, feelings, frustrations and victories with such clarity, even still.  I still have trouble eating, never really get that hungry, still have some nausea after meals....but I wouldnt change a thing, nor do I regret my choice.  My choice set me free in so many ways.  Weight was just the symptom that bogged me down and prevented me from dealing with the more pressing issues.

My weight seems to have stabilized at about 101 pounds.  I haven't ventured to the gym yet because I've had trouble maintaining my weight, but at this point I really want to exersize and tone.  Maybe it will help my appetite, too.

I also want to see my local friendly plastic surgeon to see about increasing the size of the twins.  They took quite a hit in the "shrinkage" department and could use a little help.  A tummy tuck wouldn't be a bad plan either.  Other then that everything else has faired the downsizing process very well.

I need to be a better blogger....

After only two weeks (unless you count the past year and a half) my insurance company approved my request to have a roux en y procedure.  I got the call last night.  After I hung up the phone I realized that this euphoria might be the closest experience I may ever have, unless of course I hit lotto big!

During these past 24 hours I managed to map out all my  needed medical appointments and have actually begun the process.  Next week will be very hectic (wk. of 3-10-08).  My hope is that all the presurgical testing is within normal limits so the surgey need not be postponed.

Over the past few months, I have spend many hours purusing this web site, reading about other people's experiences with the pre surgical waiting and post op outcomes.  I didnt dare create anything until the surgery was approved. (I am a bit supersitious, I suppose).

I had my daughter take the before photos of me because I am too ashamed of my physical appearance to have my husband do it.  I also plan on taking bathing suit photos later on, but as of now after looking at the clothed photos I don't think I want to deal in that reality yet!

Despite the fact that I am a well seasoned RN who has seen first hand the horrors of gastric by pass surgery gone bad, I am not fearful.  I think this is because of th enormous amount of trust I have in my surgeon and his staff, and the fact that I don't perceive any other way out of this obesity nightmare.

My nightmare happened over time.  You might say it crept up on me.  In looking back over my medical records from the past 15 years, I realized that I gained approx . 5 pounds a year, which compounded itself year after year.  Unlike compounding interest, compounding fat was not cool, and certainly not healthy.

Like everyone else, I tried every diet from sound medical ones, to outright ridiculous ones without ever much success.  Yeah, I'd lose 5-10 pounds, but before I knew it, the weight loss was back and brought along some friends-

Exercize has been intermittent.  No matter how committed I was to a planned program, I never seemed to lose weight and either maintained or actually gained.  And of course, there was always some idiot in the crowd who swears that post exercize weight gain is "muscle"... Yeah, uh-huh.  NOT.

So here I sit, fifteen years having passed me by-obese, unhealthy and anxiously awaiting a surgical procedure that will help me reign in my weight problem and as an added bonus correct my bad acid reflux disease.

I will try to write faithfully, even after I am well on my way to weight loss and life has resumed some semblance of normalcy.  I notice that a lot of people on this web site start out strong and fade out over time.  I suppose they meet their goals and move on with the next adventure.

Well, my adventure is just beginning....