Scoozi

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Wow, has it really been five years? Apparently it has because OH contacted me and asked me to check in. So here I am. Am I the skinny little waif I hoped to be when I went for the big cut? No.
Do I regret having the surgery? Heck no!
I have had the most amazing four years of my entire life. I got a promotion at work. Now I'm not saying that it was because I lost the weight, but I do think that had something to do with it. Since then I have travelled the world, made a lot of friends and done things I never imagined I could - dived with sharks, met Jamie Oliver, travelled to the US, Europe and more around Asia - Nepal, Singapore, Tianjin, Macau, Beijing, Mongolia.
Now, I've just returned from India after undergoing my upper body lift. Okay that was a bit of a nightmare. I will tell you about it if you are interested, but let's just say I'm hoping that my wounds will not get worse.
Once I've healed I'll post another picture.
I'm a boss now, like a BOSS as the song goes.
I battle with my weight still. My job is sedintary and often I work overtime, then when I get home I'm tired and misshing and just wanna sit on the couch and eat chocolates. I do belong to a gym and try to go more than three times a week. I have a great personal trainer, but to be honest that is really expensive.
So what advice would I give to you, if you were thinking of doing this...
I regret not keeping away from sugar and carbohydrates longer. I am a carb junkie and I know that if I had managed that, I would be quite a bit lighter than I am now.
I wish I had kept up with the exercise, at one stage I was walking 5k a day, and my weight dropped off.
Lately I've begun to see my fat as a prison and I'm determined to break free from it. I don't know if that is wise because it led me to take this pretty risky upper body lift.
I have goals and they include doing physical things.  so that is where I am in my life - living, and choosing to.

Open season again?
 

A deal allowing four African nations a one-off sale of ivory stocks may increase pressure on elephant numbers, writes Susan Ramsay

Ivory, once prized as a gift fit for a king, has all but faded from the consciousness of the modern world. But a decision by the global watchdog on trade in endangered species to allow a once-only sale of tusks from four African countries might thrust it back into consumer consciousness - with dire consequences, conservationists warn. At the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (Cites) meeting last month in The Hague, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Namibia won a long battle to be allowed to sell tusks accumulated in government stockpiles. They say the sale will bring in desperately needed revenue for elephant conservation.

In southern Africa, where rangers have kept a vigilant watch over elephants once threatened with extinction, the poachers' guns have largely fallen silent, aided by a ban on the international ivory trade in 1989 that all but consigned the once revered trophy to the pages of history.

But further north, in central and western Africa, thousands of elephants are being slaughtered as men armed with machine guns exact a terrible toll to feed the underground trade in ivory.

Most of that ivory is bound for Asia where smugglers find a ready market to turn it into musical instruments, jewellery, chopsticks, name seals or carvings.

According to Richard Thomas, communications co-ordinator for Traffic International, which monitors trade in wild animals, mainland China is the major importer of illegal ivory but has taken steps to tackle its domestic market. Thailand also is a destination for ivory smuggled from Africa. The Philippines is largely a transit destination, Taiwanese officials infrequently seize large consignments of smuggled ivory, while Japan trades in ivory. Hong Kong and Singapore are often used as transit points and high volumes of ivory have been seized in both cities. Vietnam has an active domestic ivory market.

Elephants mean different things to different people. For people from relatively affluent countries with no elephant populations they symbolise a primal cry for action and conservation.

For a minister from an African country they are a resource, a commodity which has the potential to bring in great wealth in the form of tourism and trade, and can be a source of meat for locals who consider it a delicacy.

For a mahout in East Asia they are bulldozers, tractors or forklifts with a mind of their own. For a beggar on the streets of Bangkok they are a way to make a fast buck to keep his family in food. To a subsistence farmer they are hell on four legs as they decimate crops, eat a year's work in one night, push over laboriously constructed fences and even break into homes for alcohol and kill family members. For a poacher an elephant is potential wealth, a chance to escape grinding poverty or a means to an arms supply to fuel a local war.

But while northern African elephant stocks are haemorrhaging to ivory poachers, in southern Africa the problem is the opposite. South Africa sparked an international outcry over its recent plans to cull excess elephants from its herds.

Botswana's elephants are becoming a headache as growing herds conflict with humans, often with disastrous results. Elephants require vast tracts of land that could be put to use by farmers, they need a suitable habitat, usually open plains, and consume large amounts of water and feed. Containing them requires full-time management, expensive electric fencing and continuous monitoring. It is expensive not only in monetary terms, but also in the impact on local people who often rely on the same resources the elephants need.

Yet conserving a herd of elephants is not the single aim of game parks. For them it is about preserving habitats and all the creatures that live in them, says Michael Wamithi, former director of the Kenya Wildlife Service, who is currently with the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Game parks bring in much needed revenue from the tourist trade.

At last month's Cites meeting, African nations clashed over how best to conserve their country's elephants. Those with growing herds wanted to sell ivory to bring in cash resources that they argue can be ploughed back into conservation.

Those with plunging elephant numbers feared - along with most conservationists - that allowing the sale of ivory would reopen the floodgates to poachers and buyers across the world, feeding what seems to be an insatiable demand for a product which is still coveted in the east. In the years before the total ban on ivory sales, from 1973 to 1987, the elephant populations of Kenya and Uganda were decimated, with numbers falling by 85 per cent as poachers became better organised and armed themselves with automatic weapons that made the killing more destructive and efficient.

Under a Cites compromise reached in the pre-dawn hours two weeks ago, South Africa, Botswana, Namibia and Zimbabwe will be allowed to make one sale of ivory in addition to the one-off sale totalling 60 metric tonnes that was agreed to in principle in 2002 and given the green light by the Cites standing committee on June 2. Cites secretary-general Willem Wijnstekers estimates that the four nations have a combined stockpile of up to 260 tonnes of ivory, all of which will be sold to Japan.

The ivory will come from government stocks, from animals poached or culled that have been registered and verified before January 31 this year. The ivory has to be sent in a single shipment per destination, and can go only to countries whose domestic sales of ivory have been verified by the Cites secretariat. Japan is the only country to fulfil these requirements.

Once these shipments have been completed no new sales proposals from these four countries will be considered by Cites for nine years.

The agreement was hailed as a victory for African nations finding 'African solutions', and as a victory for elephant conservation in particular and endangered species in general.

But Mr Wamithi warns the easing of controls, however slight, will open the floodgates and fuel consumer demand for ivory. 'Any ivory on the market creates a demand which cannot be adequately supplied by legal sources,' he says, adding that the increased pressure on the market is likely to make it more lucrative for poachers and smugglers willing to risk their lives for a quick return.

Keeping track of legal ivory is difficult, he points out, and there is no way for the consumer to know whether what they are buying is clean. Bigger pieces, such as works of art or raw tusks should have government certification, although this is not a legal requirement, even in Japan. But a pair of earrings or a brooch will not require certification. And then there is the lucrative name seal trade. Tusks arriving in Japan are chopped into 'blanks', which are turned into hanko - or signature stamps. There is no way to trace the origin of the tonnes of ivory consumed by this industry.

Dr Thomas, however, does not believe the sale of the ivory will expand the market to new buyers, even in Asia.

'I doubt whether increased availability will increase consumer awareness. There can be very few people who don't know what ivory is and looks like. What it may do is increase demand for ivory products, and this may in turn lead to increased smuggling. Obviously we'll be very much on the lookout for signs of this happening.'

While the conservationists fear the international backlash of the decision, its proponents believe the sale was needed to continue their strategies of sustainable development.

In 1997, Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe summed up southern Africa's view on its wildlife conservation strategy when he announced, 'We believe a species must pay its own way to survive'.

In these countries, animals and plants have been treated as a common resource under the active management of locals who get to keep the profits of their labour.

This approach has been extremely successful, especially in Zimbabwe where farmers have even turned their land over to wildlife because the resulting profits are better than they would get from farming. Communities involved in the Communal Areas Management Programme for Indigenous Resources (Campfire) manage 1 per cent of the elephants' habitat. In return they can allow hunting of the elephants for cash, which they have then used to buy services the community would not otherwise be able to afford. The elephants bring wealth and a better standard of living and the local people have a direct interest in preserving the resource.

Even though the southern African countries argue the money raised from the newly awarded sales will go to helping conserve the elephants, Mr Wamithi is not convinced. 'You know there is a lot of corruption,' he says. 'And there are no mechanisms in place to ensure that the money does go back to the elephants.'

According to Mr Wamithi ivory is now fetching its highest ever price, with one kilogram costing up to US$800.

Hong Kong merchants were this week unaware of the agreement reached at The Hague conference. Chinese emporium Yue Hwa said all the ivory it sells comes from pre-ban stocks.

 

 

Day four. One of the hardest things is to not have anything to drink with my meal. I don't drink at other times, so when I get my food, I tend to get a drink. Now I'm really trying not to have the two together, and by the time my 30 min wait is up, I'm panting.
I've really gone on to major proteins and no veggies, sort of like Atkins for these few days. Yesterday was fine, my appetite really shut down, but I've been hungry today and didn't seem to have enough food at work.
So tonight I had chicken... euuuww. I really need to give up chicken until I get home. Basically the chook here is all yellow fat, skin and bone.
Also I felt sick at work and did actually toss up a little. Quite embarassing.

food...real food... I couldn't do just liquids on the first two days so had some cheese, at first in the soup and then later just on its own, It kept me sane.
Today was more cheese, sausages and steak.
not too bad.

So, here I am, again. I have finally started the 5 day pouch test, but because the pouch test site doesn't work so well, I'm not really sure what to expect. It's been a good start, I guess. My weight is at 84.9, let's ride this pony and see where it takes me.
I've been fairly okay, maintaining my weight at 86kgs for about a year, but really, I wanted more off, maybe another 10 or 15 or even 20kgs. I have been fairly good with the gym in the past but these last two months the gym fees have gone to waste.
The move to Tai Po is being blamed. It really depresses me to have to take the bus. It brings back memories of the most miserable period of my life - Republican Press - and adds a further two hours on to my day. When we first moved I was determined not to let it interrupt my gym, but frankly Helen's guilt trips about leaving "early" as she calls a 9 hour day, worked . That, combined with an injury to my left leg fascia has seen me become a couch potato delux and even though the scale says otherwise, I can see my belly growing.
So, inspired by my good friend El, I have taken the bull by the horns and finally go around to doing this 5 day pouch test. It's a Sunday and usually on Sundays I do very little except feed on naughty foods. Yes they really are naughty foods. I conned myself into believing that I was "good" during the week, but truthfully I was no angel. It's not like I was stuffing my face with all sorts of off diet things, just really got into carbs. Oh my.
So, onwards and downwards!

In my mind I am still hugely obese. In reality I have lost 50kg, that's a whole person. Thirty of those was after the operation. But, I still have 15 or 20 to go, depending on who you want to believe. I just can't seem to shed those last few and so I'm going to try retraining my pouch.
Just the thought of dieting makes me nervously start munching on comfort food. Mmmm I love those carbs, but I know they are what's holding me back.
I need to reaquaint myself with this system and this website.

When I had this operation I figured that once I began eating "normally" in the distant future, I would still remain slim. Hah
Not true. I never got down to losing those last 25kgs. So basically I have only lost half of the weight I need to lose.
To this end I decided to try the great Cabbage Soup Diet. I was ecstatic the first week when the scale showed a loss of 1kg...and slowly but surely I lost about a pound a week after that for four weeks. Then nothing.
I can here everyone screaming "You hit a plateau".
All well and good, but who the heck wants to live on the cabbage soup diet for the rest of their lives hmmm? I mean wasn't that what having this operation was all about?
I really wish I could have a revision, but I cannot afford it at the moment. 
Fitness is a fleeting thing. I seem to be able to do a 5k walk about 3 times a week but then something happens an my knees are injured. (When I say "something happens" I mean the treadmil jerks and I pull a muscle, or I take one flight of stairs too many and pull a muscle, or get stiff from sitting too long and get a stiff tendon). So it's been far from my goal of wanting to do a triathalong by the end of last year. It's halfway through THIS year and I feel just as I did when I was 26kgs heavier...
beaten

Physically, I'm a bit of a basket case. Emotionally the same, and psycologically, ditto.
The physical stuff is that I'm hungry all the time. Someone on here suggested coffee. I've just had a cup and now I feel like puking. I'm at work. I'm sure I read somewhere that once you had this operation you wouldn't vomit. Oh well, in my dreams I guess.
It's a strange kind of "being sick" this operation sickness. First my nose runs, I feel dizzy. Then I give this sort of cough/sneeze. One or two of those and I know I'm in trouble. Sometimes I start yawning uncontrollably, and have a hot flush, sweating like a sumo wrestler. Sometimes I can just ride it out and nothing happens. After about an hour I'm good as new. Sometimes my mouth fills with saliva and I know I'm going to be sick.
That is the norm for me.
What's bugging me now is the depression. Most people don't understand what depression is and I must admit that I don't even understand it myself. I just know that I don't feel "well". Sometimes it's like a mild case of the flu, other times it's worse. And what is so bad about it is that no one can see it. If you injure your leg or catch measles, people know and sympathise and understand when you miss work. With depression, well, you get the picture. Somewhere inside I'm hurting badly and I can't bring it to the surface. I can't talk about it because I don't know what it is. I can't show any doctor the wound so that he can stitch it.
It's not about feeling sad, helpless or useless. It's not just the isolation, it's the gaps. The gaps in my thoughts. I used to be an ace trivial pursuit player. Now I can't remember what I ate for breakfast. I wait for thoughts to "arrive" like trains inside my head. Sometimes they don't pitch up.
I can't follow a breaking story. And that is the death knell for my career.
People wonder why I have a helper. I don't have a family in HK and well, you can't expect friends to always be there.

I haven't posted for ages again, and yes, that has been living in denial. Denial that I've paid out all this money for this wonderful "tool" as everyone puts it, and I still can't stop myself from eating the stuff I shouldn't be eating.
However, I did find that when I was a regular here, I was far more careful about what I put into my mouth and about doing my exercise. So I will report in regularly now and see how that goes.
At the moment the biggest thing in my life is my court case against my previous helper. She racked up HK$9,600 in IDD phone calls on my mobile phone, stole a whole lot of my stuff, broke into some very private things of mine and generally abused her position in my home. She also stole her "friend's" mobile phone.
Last year I reported the matter to the police. They were unable to trace the jewellery and so they charged her over the phone and the theft of about US$30.
Now finally we have come to the court case. And this court system in Hong Kong is really strange. They have given her a lawyer, all well and good, but the prosecution only got an actual prosecutor because it's a new charge she's been charged with. It has not been tried before - the charge of accessing someone's computer for personal gain, or something like that. Basically it seems that it's going to boil down to her word against mine. 
Now when I discovered that she was making these calls - which happened over the course of a year - she denied it. The money was automatically coming off my credit card. I didn't see a phone bill because she was hiding them. I never thought to ask the phone company because I had a direct package with them and there was no reason for that to change.
She tells the court that she actually  had my permission to use the phone.
Of course she did not. And now it's down to her word against mine.
I am not allowed to speak to the prosecutor, so I have to speak to the police and he gets it third hand. That's bad because the policeman's english is not up to par. The more I protest about it, the more I come off looking like a vindictive loony.
Judgement will happen on December 12.
She has threatened that she will sue me. I don't have the money to defend myself. So things are a little tense.
On the good side I've been offered a job in Abu Dhabi with supposedly lots more money, on a brand new newspaper there.
For various reasons, though, it seems I won't be able to accept the job. However if anyone reading this had been to Abu Dhabi or knows anything about the place I would be interested in making contact.

Until tomorrow...

Suz

Okay, I'll admit it. I had a melt-down today. Tears happened. I was in the pool, doing my best to swim laps for 30 minutes and I just felt nauseous - again. This is the first time it's happened to me during exercise, usually it happens afterwards, I puke or lie down for a bit and drag myself into work. But this time I had only swum about 10 laps of the pool and had to stop. By the time I reached home I was decidedly nauseous, and ended up crying and dry heaving. I tried to rest a bit but that didn't happen, so I got up and went to the lounge, started watching the latest DVD I got. I completely zoned out because next time I looked at the clock I should have already been at work. I flew out of the flat but ended up having to take a taxi - that would hurt the pocket. Been feeling bad all night at work. Now I'm beginning to perk up. I have been wanting to do some writing but haven't got around to it. 
Tomorrow I meet with Nury. He hasn't seen me since surgery. Basically it will just be for coffee but I had hoped to have more paperwork to show him.