Mary V.

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Wow.....can't believe it's been 13 months since I started this journey! It's been one hellofa ride believe me. Can't say I've had anything in particular that's been extremely adverse up to now. My doctor, Dr. Zare has performed since my surgery...surgery on 3 people that I've sent his way....and one more in the process as we speak. The good doc is such a wonderful person. I thank God everyday for finding him for me, and all the others that will benefit from his expertise! If anyone in the San Jose area, or even Monterey County is looking into this surgery.....this is the man to see! Okay, enough on the good doc.....back to me. I'm so happy with my life these days. I'm hopeful and am striving to remain on this journey on a permanent basis. I don't ever want to go back to the old me. I'm just blown away when I look at all my old pics and see the transformation, for that matter see, really see what I looked like back then. Why is it that I never saw the morbidly obese person staring back at me? Why did I never see her in the full length mirrors I looked into back then? I can't figure that one out! It blows my mind about that aspect of my obesity previously. At any rate....I am an all new person these days and I for one am so grateful for all that I've achieved thus far. I still have 35 more pounds I'd like to have gone, but, I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm eating healthy, taking my vits and drinking tons of fluids! Exercising has become a way of life. Can't say I'm obsessed with it, cause I love walking (at least 3 miles a day at home), but, hate the lunges, and squats that I've learned to do. I get so sore from it. Wondering when the soreness will stop?! I've just started doing the lunges and squats and man oh man, I know why I haven't ever done them up to now! So, if any of you newbies take a gander at this post....know this; Life is what you make it. If you go down this journey, try to make it the best you can, one day at a time! Don't sweat the small stuff, don't stress on numbers, take your vitamins, eat right, sleep right, and exercise right! I love my children so much for supporting me on this journey, they really haven't a clue what their support and pats on the back have meant to me. Thank you to my husband for loving me any way I am.....that means more to me than anything my husband can ever give me....cause I can be a terrible bitch at times!

I can't believe it's been 10 months already! Time sure has flown by. I can honestly say, I love myself these days. I like what I see in the mirror, but, have to admit looking back, I don't recall seeing that morbidly obese person that's in my previous pics ever staring back at me! Life sure has drastically changed for me. I have tons of self-confidence, that I "thought" I've always had. But, I was actually an empty shell of a person inside. My lack of self-confidence hid behind humorous remarks I would say about myself to others. How sad, looking back, I made myself the but of many "fat" remarks that I find so offensive nowadays! Just the other week, I was at a gathering with friends, and one of my very good friends made a comment that took me totally by surprise. It was like this: I was talking to about 4 guys (all younger than I), and as I turned to walk away, one of them says; HEY....and I turn around and said "Hey is for horses"....almost without a second thought those words came out of me.... and my friends husband who wasn't even part of our conversation, yells across the way...."No Hey is for cows". I don't even know why I got so offended by that, but, I turned around and I commented back; "hmmmm, I don't think I even come close to looking like a cow these days, and I don't think you want to mess with me verbally, cause I will chew you up and spit you out!" Well, that didn't sit well with him and he basically called me a cow, again. So, I turn back to the guys I was conversing with and I told them; "that's ok, I'd rather be referred to as a cow, than a skunk!" At that remark everyone was in hysterics... and my friends husband turned red as a beet and turned around and walked away, mumbling something or other.... Needless to say, it was a wonderful feeling to put him in his place. But, most of all, in the past I probably would have gotten so upset by his remark, it would have brought me to tears. Not anymore. It's a new day baby! I'm not just looking good, I'm feeling good! Life is so great for me. I don't have to feel any shame about how I look these days. I don't have much more to go to meet my goal, and I don't care if it takes another 6 months, but, I will get there! I am planning on a longer and healthier me for the rest of my life!

January 7th, 2011, almost 10 months out and loving life!
Yep...finally...reality has kicked in and I'm definately in onederland! I'm actually weighing 187lbs and loving it. I weigh 18 more lbs than my hubby....that in itself is soooo amazing to me! Yet, when I look into the mirror, I still still see this obese person staring back at me! I know, I know, I weigh less, I wear smaller clothes, and when people who haven't seen me in awhile see me, they are quite frankly amazed. Just having someone say hi gives me such a thrill when they say my name with a question in their voice when they say; Mary is that you?! Yet, I feel I still have a long ways to go to be able to see myself in the mirror and see and feel thin. Will I ever achieve that? That's a good question for me. One I've yet to conquer. Other than that, life is just so great! I actually feel so confident about myself. I feel comfortable in my own skin. Been told quite a few times that I'm beautiful, and quite frankly am loving it!

It's been an amazing almost eight months! I can't begin to explain how wonderful I feel. Being able to go day in and day out without being so obessed with food in itself is so awesome! Lately I've been having a hard time with my appetitie, I'm really not hungry much, and I can now eat about 3/4 cup of food at a sitting....it's just that there is nothing I really truly enjoy enough to want much of. So, I try to drink my protein shakes, drink my water, take my vits and plug along. Hair is still falling out, yet, not as much as it was. There are times I wonder how this will all pan out....will I really get down to where I want to.... I can't imagine being thin. It's so surreal for me where I'm at now, and people all around say how great I look, why is it I still see that horribly obese person lurking inside of me? My outward appearance is not so dramatic to me as it is to people who haven't seen me in awhile. I still have catching up to do mentally.

I broke my ankle last month....wore an air cast black boot during that time, and just got to take it off last week. Now my low back is outta whack....gotta go to the chiro for a few times to get it back in shape.....so, I haven't been able to walk or do much of exercising this past month, yet.....I'm 2 lbs away from reaching my 100 lb mark! I'm just tickled about it. Such a big number! Who knew? Well, I'm sure my good doc, Dr. Zare' knew this would be happening! He's so wonderful! And thank you to the continuing support of my family....I couldn't have been this successful without them!

Just the other day when my daughter did some glamor shots for me (you can see them in my pic's in here), she sent a copy to my son, and my grandson who is 5 years was asked who is that? He said it was his tia (aunt - my daughter)! He didn't recognize his grandma! That was a defining moment for me to a strong degree. That said, gotta admit, I am so happy with this whole process. God bless everyone involved in my life!

Well, it's officially 6 months out as of September 17th! I can't believe how much my life has changed. I'm down approximately 88 lbs! Onederland is looking closer and closer!
Here's a brief overview of how life's changed for me:

First of all ~ Food is not all encompassing in my daily thoughts ~ who would've thought? I've spent a lifetime obsessing on my snacks, meals, desserts, etc..... only those of you who've been there and done that can truly relate to just how miraculously wonderful this revelation is for me! I actually am a picky eater these days and I do not have any complaints about it, believe me! Matter of a fact, I have very few complaints these days...and when I do complain, I take it in stride. Compared to where I was 6 months ago, believe me, I'm not complaining much!

Second of all ~ I'm pretty darn light on my feet these days. I'm walking approximately 3 miles at least every other day and all the in-between times, i.e., breaks at work, after work at the gym, I'm walking here and there during those times and doing exercises I could only watch someone else do prior to this surgery!. I can bend over comfortably, I can tie my shoes effortlessly, I can even exercise and swim for great lengths of time....this in itself is just so wonderful! But more than that, I want to do these things! Lord, thank you for sending Dr. Marc Zare' my way! You have truly blessed me. The good doc has provided the essential tools that I have needed to make a better life (via Lap RNY) for myself and I'm running with them!

Thirdly ~ I can wake up daily and feel like getting up and moving around! I would have never imagined feeling this way 6 months ago! Yes, my life has taken on new meaning.

Lastly ~ Just the other day I went to the doc, and just happened to be walking up to the office when low and behold there stands my doc getting out of her car. When I approach her to say hello, she looks at me incrediously and states; I barely recognized you! Wow, that was a defining moment. After all, I truly haven't noticed that much of an alteration in my looks....but, others certainly have and it feels wonderful, because the good Doc was quick to say how great I looked! Definatley a WOW moment!

Just an additional comment and I'll make this brief...wouldn't want to bore anyone....Everyday is given to me by God and I thank him daily for it, but, just as importantly is that these days I look forward to each day, even if I'm losing my hair, even if my teeth have started to go bad sooner than I'd like them to, even if I have to take in vitamins, calcium, protein that I really don't enjoy taking, I am still so delighted to wake up in this ever changing body with the increasingly sagging skin! I've just learned different ways to tuck it all in! (By the way, Dr. Rey, from Hollywood 90210 ~ you know the breast doc ~ makes these wonderful bras! I just love the one I just bought recently....down from 48 around to 40 around....life is good!

Good luck to all you newcomers and if you're where I'm at these days, give me a holler! I try to come in here as often as I can, it just seems it's never often enough! God Bless!

Mary V.

Can't believe it's been 5 months since my surgery! I'm down a total of 80lbs (that includes the pre-surgery weight-loss) and that in itself is by no means a small feat! Ain't life grand? I am extremely happy with my life these days! I can actually cross my legs, bend over and tie my shoes without having to contort my body to do so, ah, but most of all I can walk up hills without the aftermath leg cramps! I can't recall ever being this active in my life! And these days I'm walking 3 miles a day, 5 days a week! It's so amazing. I can't wait to up the distance. Eating is no longer my obsession. It seems so weird. I can get by on about 3/4's cup of food per sitting (3 times daily) and a protein shake in-between. I love the Atkins peanut butter cups as an occassional snack too, and the strawberry protein milkshake is great-with no after taste. Not sure why these days chocolate flavored things are not my bag (except the peanut butter cups). So far nothing has happened to make me have any regrets of any kind. My diabetes is in check, levels are doing just fine and I did have a check up with my surgeon last month and found out I need to still take my cholesterol medication, he said it could be a matter of a hereditary aspect, but, hey, I can live with that. All my other levels appear to be in check. Oh, and one more thing, my hair just starting coming out like there is no tomorrow as of two weeks ago. I can live with that too, since I know it will all come back sooner or later! 

Have to admit, one (I think its a small thing) that bothers me is the fact that my eyes need to catch up with my mind. I still see that morbidly obese person. I know this is normal. I know it is still early out. Thus, I'm not stressing over it. Although it kinda makes me feel a bit down about it I just take it in stride. With God's faith and determination this too will pass.

 So, for all of you out there contemplating this surgery....I say; go for it! And for those of you in my same boat - hang in there!

Wow, this trip has been one heckofaride! I'm updating about 5 days prior to my 4th month out. Where to begin;
1. I'm down 73 lbs today. Who would've thought? I am faithful in the taking of my vits, occassionally I slip up on weekends. Actually not sure why I do that, since I am home and I should be able to stick to my vits more easily. Yet, it only happens rarely. So I won't beat myself up about it. I'm still feeling that this process is actually not as hard as I would of thought most days, and other days, when I eat too fast and it all revisits me, well, then I look at this process are being sooooooo hard! Go figure.
2. Everyone I run into, that I haven't seen since before my surgery tells me, wow, you look great! I say, more important than that is that I feel great, and I am no longer insulin & pill dependent! It is such a wonderful feeling.
3. Wow.....I can actually wear clothes that are so much smaller. Now, I'm not going into numbers, because I feel I'm still in large numbers, but, I attribute that to the fact that the girls (boobs) are still rather large! I've gone down from a 48DD to a 44D, so, it's changing and I am very happy about it, but, I feel they make me still look too big! That may take some time to feel otherwise.
4. Eating. Ahhhh, whatta difference in my life these days. I actually truly love the taste of food, obviously that's what got me into trouble in the past, but, more than that, NOWadays, I really taste the food and I enjoy the flavors.....not just the VOLUMES. That is key for me to realize. I am officially eating to live, not living to eat! It is AWESOME! Have to admit, I miss those large volume days, I have my times that it kinda hits me like; man, sure wish I could get down more and then reality sets in and I say to my inner self; SELF: Yep, wish I could, but, know I can't cause I don't want the Diabetes re-visiting my life! I need that reality check often, cause I love my life, and I am happy to be in this body that is ever changing, with the loose skin, off/on skin irritations, and sagging breasts - because I know those are things that I can still change too! What I now have is time. Time to enjoy being me. Time I wouldn't have had had I continued with weight gains and my Diabetes being out of control! I have a new lease on life, and I'm running with it! I have been walking every day. I don't measure it. But, I do enjoy it. I'm joining a Zumba class and I am so excited to get started on that - this week(Update; went to my first class-wow-was I in for it! Still enjoyed it though, but sooooo sore from that night and starting walking 2 miles on saturdays and sundays now-loving it!). Life is good. Thank you God, Thank you Dr. Zare, the two who have touched my life more than anyone ever has!
5. So far no big adverse things have happened to me since the surgery. I feel rather lucky when I read how some really terrible things can. I'm struggling these days with the speed of how I eat. I've found that old habits die hard. I've been eating really fast and of course suffering the consequences - it revisits me. Now, that in itself is the one thing I hate to do, retch. But, getting my chewing and swallowing under control of late, has escaped me. I'm really working on it. I'm hoping I can get it under control soon, cause I hate bringing up what I've just eaten! Now that I am more aware of what I'm doing, I've been paying close attention, along with hubby, and I try to pace my chewing and swallowing. Hubby will point it out that my food is leaving my plate too fast too, which helps. But, if he isn't around, which is all day, I can only rely on myself at meals. Wish me luck!

Okay, so, it's officially a month out.

Here's my latest;
1. Weighed myself first thing - still at a stand still - holding the 20lb loss - not stressing - the biggest asset of this surgery for me is the fact that I am no longer on insulin and down to taking 1 pill per day for my diabetes! That is the main reason for this surgery - to remedy my dependence on oral meds& injections. So, in fact, I am at a place that gives me immense happiness! After all, 40lbs of weight loss in 6 weeks is awesome! That said, I have to admit I'm welcoming the best side effects of this surgery - which is weight loss too!

2. Can't get used to being unable to enjoy "any" foods. Everything looks great, smells wonderful, but it is not what it seems! Nothing I enjoyed before is really appealing to my stomach. Have to admit, just last nite, my hubby made chicken soup, it had all the fixings, zucchini, asparagus, celery, onions, and lots of chicken! Low and behold, it all was so appealing to the eye, I took about 4 bites, chewed real good, (I can't eat chicken yet...it comes right up), when all of a sudden my mouth and tummy were working hand in hand and I had to rush to the garbage can in our kitchen to bring up those 4 bites! I think I ate too fast. But, that was the end of dinner for me. I had to wait about an hour to try again, and ate very slowly....it stayed down - all 5 bites! Lesson learned, slow down to enjoy each bite! The hunger pangs do come but, the volume is so small, it seems all I eat is a snack size anything every time I eat! Here is a sample of day out of my life:
      a)I arrive for work, and I usually eat oatmeal with cranberries with protein powder, and milk - about a quarter of a cup (eat at my desk). 
      b)Lunch I have been eating cottage cheese with a quarter of an apple, peeled and cut-up real small and cooked zucchini with tomatoe sauce, tofu, onions and cheese - about a quarter of a cup, I usually can eat it all, but, yesterday I only got thru half of each at lunch time.
      c) Dinner described above.
      d) In-between all that, I take my vits and swallow around 40oz of water per day. I'm building up to more, it's just difficult! I even sip in the middle of the night...go figure.

3. I got up for work today (been back for 4 days now), still have residual pain in my abdomen and there is still a small incision that has not closed all the way, which my doc says just wash with soap and water and cover it daily. It drains a very small amount, just enough to warrant covering it! I find it such a pain to have to work with it daily....but, guess it could be worse. Had a very restful sleep. Gathered my vitamins, grabbed my lunch, water, and took off for work.

4. I walk for both of my breaks, which average walking 30 minutes per day. I know not much....but between work and home life....it's what I can manage for now. After all, I am exhausted (and in a bit of pain) by the end of my work day!
 
Also, just as an afterthought, my doc, Dr. Zare', informed my husband and I prior to the surgery that my hubby was going to have to be more tolerant of me, because after the surgery I would become very moody and irritable. Well, so far that hasn't hit me much yet...but, my hubby has been so moody....can't put a finger on it, except maybe he's feeling threatened in some way about my weight loss.....anyway, I'm just taking this all day by day!

Everyone out there best wishes for either impending surgery, post surgery, etc..... This new lifelong journey is well worth it! God Bless all of you. I appreciate everyones kind words of encouragement and support.

Wow....has this been a journey! I'm back at work for the first day in 3 1/2 weeks....still sore....walking on my breaks and consuming such small amounts of food, it is so awesome! Averaging a pound a day more or less in the weight loss department. Everything I so enjoyed prior to surgery is history. There is very little that I truly enjoy in the taste buds. I struggle to get all my protein in. I find it hard to chew chew chew those vitamins and pills for my Diabetes are almost non existent! Water is another area that is like; how the heck am I supposed to drink at least 64 oz. daily? I sip all day and even night and only get around 40 oz. right now....I'm working on it, what can I say? Bending over is getting better. No lifting....sitting is a challenge, I have to keep shifting from one cheek to the other periodically throughout the day. Thank God for my surgeon, Dr. Marc Zare'! He is a God send. Best of all, I can call his office and speak with him anytime I feel the need (only done it twice since surgery), but, hey, he makes me feel like I'm the only one he let's do this! Says a lot in my book! All you folks out there that need a good Bariatric surgeon....look him up....located in San Jose, CA....He's the greatest. That said, anyone out there looking into this surgery RNY Gastric Bypass, please do your homework, research, research, research and need I say it?, join Obesityhelp.com! It's a hard road ahead, but, I'm up for the challenge, are you? I'll keep everyone posted periodically on my progress. God Bless.

I can't believe this day is finally gonna come!  Tomorrow is my big day and I can tell you I'm ready. I'm on clear liquids today only. No food and later today I'm gonna be cleaning out my system. Working half a day today, and then heading home to prep for tomorrow. I'm feeling a bit anxious, and excited and yet, feeling rather calm about the impending surgery tomorrow. My immediate family will be there for me, and it's a good feeling just to know that. Even my nephews that I've raised the majority of their lives are going to be there! My sincerest pride in them being so supportive of me makes me feel whole. My husband and daughter, who have been there always, and I know are anxious about the surgery, I thank whole heartedly for their love and support even before this decision and for now that my journey is about to take a few bumps in the road, but, I told them don't worry, it's going to go well. I just know it. I'll be sharing my experience(s) with everyone again, soon.