shakeitoff

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I thought I would be so busy getting stuff in order I wouldn't have time to think about surgery on Monday morning.  Not the case.  My husband has asked me repeatedly now just what are they going to do?  can't you still gain it back?  DOUBT  why do people feel the need to fill your mind with it.  Yes I have failed repeatedly in the past!  I do not need to be reminded.  I feel I have to try something.  Life is better now.  Depression under control and I can't have anymore kids.  I have friends I didn't have before.  I have to succeed if I want to see my kids have kids.  If I want to travel.  I can and will succeed! 

Surgery is a week from today.  It's coming up so fast.  I want to have everything all clean and caught up so I come home to a clean house. Hoping all goes well and I have a fast recovery.

The scale finally dropped to 320.4  Wow  I never imagined it would be possible to drop 64 pounds in 2 1/2 months.  Hoping to hit the 315 before surgery.  I'd love the hit -70lbs.

Figuring out what to tell people where we are for 2 days is the worst.  Why do people think they have to know where you are going? or what you are doing? Seems March is full of banquets and invites from friends to get together.

Also found out I am going to be a grandma for the 2nd time!  I am so excited!  I hardly have any photos of me with our granddaughter and I hope to change that this year.  I hope to feel more comfortable in my skin and not hide so much. 

Well, much to my surprise the scale dropped 3 pounds this morning for a 5.2 lb loss this week.  I am down to 325.6.  Was hoping to get down to 319 maybe before surgery.  10 days to go.  6.6 pounds.  Surprised at how my pre-op liquid diet has affected other people.  My husband keeps asking when I will eat regular food.  He can eat what he wants at any time.  I am not sure why it bothers him so what I eat.  Maybe because I dont cook. OUr daughter called said she found a great recipe but would wait to make till I could eat it.  I am shocked I dont really miss food.  I have less cravings when I dont eat it.  The bars give the crunch that I miss.  

Still reading posts about gaining and no restriction scare me.  

I need to exercise more.  Walking is my main thing and right now the wind chills in Ohio have been well below 0. 

I was shocked that I saw a good friend yesterday and she never looked at me like she even noticed the weight loss.  How do you not notice an almost 60 pound loss? actually no none has mentioned it.  I read on the forum someone lost 100 pounds before anyone commented.  That amazed me.  It may happen to me.

So I have been on the Medifast 2 weeks come Monday.  I have to call in my weight in the morning.  I don't know how to tell her I didn't lose anything.  A couple of days I was starving for something other than liquid and ate 2 bars instead of 1.  I hope they don't delay my surgery.  I can't imagine a couple bars would do this to me.

Well this morning I called my daughter on the way to work.  I usually dial then hit speaker and plop the phone on my chest (aka continetal shelf , catch all etc).   It usually had no problem staying there.  Today I plopped the phone on my chest and down it went it fell in my lap!  Woo whoo  a victory I didn't have on my list.  Dont get me wrong there is still plenty there in the shelf department but wow has it been a long time since it has been like this.  On the pre-op liquid diet and the scale quit moving.  Weigh in on Friday so I hope something changes soon.

I survived week 1 (2 to go)of the preop diet  medi-fast and (similar products)  4 times a day and 1 bar.  I lost 7.4 pounds.  I don't miss the food as long as I dont taste it or eat it.  My husband however seems to feel the need to keep asking me when I will be able to eat real food again?  will we ever be able to go out to a restaurant again? I have told him I dont miss food really. My past mentality was that  Usually when on a diet  I would think  once I get down to my goal i can eat again.  I think my husband is now thinking once I have surgery I can eat what I want again.  I keep telling him  I will still have to make good choices.  I am approaching this like I am a alcoholic really a carbaholic.  If I don't eat bread, rice, pasta treat them like they are the plague I wont restart the carbaholic addiction I have hidden in me.  There are so many more foods in the world.  Since December when I started all of this I for the first time was able to see that some food when it I felt full and satisfied for a long period of time.  Some foods I ate only made me want to eat more.  I have wanted surgery for years and years and now 2 weeks from today I will have it. I read over the paperwork and think I can do this and some days I read it and feel like the judges gavel is slamming down handing over my sentence. I know my future is up to me and sucess is in my hands.

Today I watched our 1 and 1/2 old granddaughter.  I have watched her many times since she has been born.  Today was different.  She was playing with the toys on the floor and I just slid down to the floor and played too.  No grunting No groaning I didn't give it a second thought.  When we were done I got right up. Wow!  all this because I dropped 51 pounds!  That's a whole bag of animal feed. (we live on a farm).  I know she is too little to remember that mamaw didn't play on the floor before ,but I will remember and that's a milestone for me.  I am currently on the first week of Medifast and yes I do miss the taste and texture of food but I have so many things I want to with my life yet and this is a reminder it will all be worth it.  Never give up!

So I saw on the paper work my pre-op weight goal was 349.  I am at 335.8 this morning.  I am stuck on this diet till March 9 my surgery date.  I made some bad Medi-fast food choices I can tell you that already.   I may have to buy something to replace it or not eat anything at all if it is all i have left. 

When will this quit happening to me.  At a painting class in a room full of ladies i stood up to do something sat down on a folding chair and it buckled underneath me.  Ugh I can't believe it again.  This happened at Thanksgiving.  There were heavier people there than me and they didnt have any issues.  I am so tired of this.  Ive lost 45 pounds and  it wasn't enough to save me from being embarrassed yet again.  So the lady gave me a wooden chair.  I am so sick of this weight!

 So I am talking to a friend who lives in another state and said I was working on weight loss.  Out of the blue she says are you have WLS?  my mouth  had to have dropped open.  Yes I am I told her and swore to not mention it on facebook.  She is an RN and was very happy for me.    I told her I didnt need the world opinions on my choice so that is why I am so quiet about it. She said telling people about WLS is like telling people your choice of baby names.  Everybody has an opinion.  Good comparison I thought.  I'm still trying to figure out how she thought WLS so quick.  So far 3 friends know and all are supportive.  What a relief.