NEW year Need to get my BUTT in Gear

Jan 09, 2011

Well,

New years was incredibly rough.... Had a horrible new years eve, horrible night with my boyfriend and sooo on. I was doing very good before new years. I was pretty much eating what i wanted mostly good but less than a cup no matter what. I had broke my plateau. I was down to 211lb which is 2 pounds away from my mini goal. Man O Man I was so excited. Well new years hit. Instead of that "lets start the new year attitude" I had a bad attitude. Ive noticed my mood really affects my weight loss and it eally makes me not care about my weight, the food im eating and how much, oh and rules its like "what rules"!! 
Me and my boyfriend are getting better but he does a few things I seem to let bother me a lot. So either I gotta figure out a way for it not to bother me or i gotta go. Easier said then done it seems. I havent felt close to someone since my ex husband and this is hard.
I know what I gotta do tho. I gotta figure out a way to be positive, I gotta get my mind and life back in "Me" mode. I need to portion out my food, I need follow the rules and I have to quit eating so much crap food. How do I get myself back to his place. It seems so far away.... I dont want to go back to the person I was before. I cant do this to myself again. I gotta worry about me too. At his point I think I gotta figure out what to do about the boyfriend. I guess tonight I have a talk with him. What do i say? Idk. I guess I say I care about him and I want him in my life. But some thing about our relationship stress me out and they effect my health. When Im too worried about him and us then im not worrying about me. That hes gotta be my partner and try to help me feel less stressed. He has being doing better. Maybe its me. My ex was so mean and such a jerk and always cheating and lieing to me. I gotta learn to trust him. How do i trust him?? I know the easy answer.. the easy answer is not think of him like my ex and dont use him against him... so easy to say.. not easy to do. This year I gotta let go of my past so I can have a great future. I want to see me like I use to see me, just for me not for anyone else. It feels 100% better when you dig YOU, love YOU, think YOUR incredibly sexy. No one else can tell you like you can because you are your own worst credic....
I cant do excuses anymore... I gotta move on, suck it up, let it go and move foward.... let go of the past, suck up the hurt. let go of the pain, and move on with my life!  I deserve more than what I am giving myself.  I can do this. I cant let myself fail anymore because how i feel about me or how I let my feelings control me. NEED TO GET MY BUTT IN GEAR

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