Sheli

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I am not sure how I feel about hitting goal.  Losing 100 lbs 4 days ago felt so amazing that the extra 1 lb to get to 24.9 bmi is almost anti-climactic.  

There is this overwhelming "what now?" feeling.  So what now is 10 more lbs.  I never expected to lose well, so I set my goal at the top of normal BMI, and I feel amazing, but I am going to go for a little breathing room.  135 here I come!!!

What did I expect from my band?     I expected to love it, to hate it, to be hungry, to be REALLY hungry, and If I worked really hard I expected to lose weight.

And I got a lot more than I expected!  

I got HUNGER so BAD I litrally cried.

I got a fill so tight I couldn't swallow water (and a trip to the ER on a sunday to fix that!) then I got an unfill that killed my weight loss for 2 months.

But in the end, I got my life back.  I WIN!  

Today, almost 11 months after surgery I stepped onto the scale, thinking there was NO WAY today would be the day.  Home from work for the weekend, Hubby watched me step on.  (I hate when he does that :) )  He looked at me, looked at the scale again and said "Look Shel" 

146!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is 100 lbs gone!!!    I stood in the hall, naked, and cried!  Hubby  hugged me without laughing at all, god I love that man!

I was 246 the day I met my surgeon back in March 07.  I lost 18 lbs in the 6 months leading up to surgery, and despite the 2 months unfilled I have lost 82 lbs since August 1st last year.

the numbers? :
from size 24 to 8
44/46DD to 36D
42 inch waist to 31 inch
3XL to Medium
3 FULL plates at the buffet to one bread plate max.

For over 18 months my focus has been losing weight. (Inclusive of pre and post-op time)  i did what I set out to do (I am down 98 lbs of the 101 I planned to lose)  but I am tired of talking about it, worrying about it, and thinking about it all the time.  Now I just want to enjoy it and move on.  Not away from here, or old friends, just on.  

I want to live the life I have gifted to myself with this surgery.  I want to do all the things my weight literally would not let me do for the past 10 years.  I don't want to explain to every person I ever see that I had Lap-Band surgery (I get the deer in headlight look from most people "HUH?")  I don't want to rehash what I eat every day and if I am taking my vitamins and if my doctor is happy with my weight.  People are strangely nosey about this even when they have no weight problem themselves.

Just once I want to go out without people stopping me to introduce me to their long lost cousin and proceed to tell them my life medical history ...usually loudly...usually in a crowded store!

So-  I am planning a trip to disney.  With a segway tour that I could not do 2 years ago (I WAS LITERALLY TOO HEAVY FOR THE MACHINE.)  We are staying at the Grand Floridian, where I know I would have felt like a cow amoung the tulips before.  I even found a swimsuit that hides most of the damage the weight loss left behind.  LOL  It is my gift to me from me.  I did what I set out to do, despite not believing that I had the will power, despite being sure that I would fail.  

It's been a wild ride but I am so glad I did this.  I feel normal, no one stares anymore.  The last few pounds are stubborn but they will go when they feel like it.  Either in a week or in 6 weeks.  

:) Sheli
246 referral weight, 228 pre-op, 148 today.
from 24/26 to size 8


YEAH, IT WORKS!!!

A year ago I was wearing a range between a 22-24-26...If I were honest (even with myself) the 22's were WAY too tight...but dammit I was wearing them!  So, I thought then that if I ever could get to a 12 I would be happy with what I saw.  And in some ways happy does not even cover it, BUT...12 is still considered a bigger size when compared to the range of "normal" size clothes.  And I am happy but I don't feel like I am done yet.  
I have gone from so big that boys at the store point and laugh "there's your girlfriend...hahaha!"  And now I am at "She's a little heavy, but not huge."  I want to be "She's just right..I wanna look like her!"  I truly think that is a size 8.  The one person I look at and envy at work is a 6-8, she is not tiny, she is just right.  And I think maybe I could get close to there, maybe an 8-10 instead of a solid 12.

Even my view of perfect has changed though.  People who looked small to me are now bigger than me.  People who I thought I would never get near that size I am now the same size as. I think obesity changes how we see oureslves and our potential, the longer we are big, the harder it is to imagine ourselves small, but as the pounds fall off we change what we see, and what we believe we are capable of.  That may be the best gift the surgery has given me: I can now see my potential for what it is, I am not stuck behind my fat anymore

When I started this journey I had a seemingly insurmountable 101 lbs to lose.  My tenuous will-power was not up to the task. Discouraged by only losing 12 lbs in 4 months I would give up on every weight-loss attempt.  There was no end in sight and the thought of dieting for over 2 years was unthinkable.  Depression ruled my life and the lack of will to get out of bed every day was crushing.
Today I am 22 lbs from my goal.  I have lost 79 lbs and the end is within reach. I am so close I can feel the finish line tape.  I am up and out of bed, ready to start the day.  I am seeing in the mirror the person I always knew I was but that the would could not see.  I bought a sexy dress for the first time in years.  I own pants that make my a$$ look good (everyone should have a pair of "nice a$$ pants.)  
I am confident, happy, comfortable in my own body.  I feel attractive again.  I find myself going out to do things, planning time out with friends, instead of hiding in the house.  
and...
I feel like "I did this."  I truly feel like I have WON...not just the weight lost but the life I have gotten back.  The joy I have found within myself, and the joy I find in small things.  
I have been given my life back!
 Sheli

I have climbed the (metaphorical) mountain and conquered the beast!  I return victorious!  I am the "Little Engine."  I have endured the liquids, mushies, fills, AND hunger: sometimes serious HUNGER!  I have worked through the emotions and the snacking and laziness...I feel empowered!!!  

60 lbs gone since surgery!!!  Holy Crap!!!  Is that really me saying that?

I like to make lists, and I am excited to make this list:

2/22/07- referal made to WLS surgeon, 246 lbs, 42.2 BMI - MORBIDLY OBESE

6/15/07- still pre-op, 231 lbs, 39.7 bmi - SEVERELY OBESE

8/1/07 surgery day, 228 lbs, 39.1 BMI - still SEVERELY OBESE

10/1/07 two months post-op, 203 lbs, 34.8 BMI - OBESE

10/10/01 UNDER 200 lbs, 199 lbs, 34.2 bmi still OBESE

1/9/08 today, 174 lbs, 29.9 BMI - OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!

I AM OVERWEIGHT!!!! woohoo!!!!!

29 lbs to go until "normal" bmi.
Somehow the scale loss makes the hunger worth it!!!

I made it to the 4 month goal of 182...at 4 months post-op.. Down 46 lbs from surgery day.  This chart used to look like a pipe dream and now it is a reality.  I am now hoping to blow by the chart and be to goal in under 12 months. I am so thrilled that this surgery works for me. 
Someone asked how I am doing it...so I'll tell you...my doctor is generous with fills and I expected to be hungry.  I am often hungry (or was until this week.) I am avoiding junk food 95% of the time.  I did have a cookie this week but since halloween and the chocolate orgy I have been good...very good.   
I am eating 3 meals a day .  Protein drink and coffee for breakfast.  Water at 10, small lunch, more water, smal protein snack at 3, more water then a small normal dinner and lots more water.  
If I am starving I am eating a high fiber, high protein hot cereal at 7.  It is low cal and very filling.

That's it...no special foods, no freakish starving, just hard work and not giving up!

:) Sheli