skooch76

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I had my surgery on October 29, 2007.  Needless to say I am a little overdue on an update.  I am almost at my nine month mark and so far have gone from 282lbs. to 170lbs.  My experience so far has been amazing.  I guess you could say that I am one of the lucky ones who bounced back quickly.  The weirdest thing right now is  that I am just now starting to get the blues and have a little and when I say little, I mean a pinch of regret.  Believe it or not my self confidence was so much better before my surgery than it is now.  I can't stand the way I look when I am naked, can't handle people saying wow look how great you look ...... you're FACE is so thin!!!!!!!  Here's a news flash I have lost a whole lot of weight and it didn't all just fall from my face!!!  I know I should be glad and grateful that people compliment me but it is hard and I am sure others can relate to my frustration.  Food wise, I can eat almost anything (except anything with taco seasoning),  Haven't really had the issue with vomitting that I hear about from others.  I think that I have just hit my first plateau because I haven't lost in over a month.  It is frustrating the hell out of me because I am so used to losing now.  I look at myself everyday and say please tell me this isn't it.  My self image is exactly the same as it used to be.  Some people say that I am too hard on myself but really I think I am just being realistic, yeah, I know I lost weight but I still FEEL huge.  I went for my blood work today for my nine month visit which I have hesitated on scheduling but I am hoping that when I go they can steer me toward the meetings, I have yet to attend one and really think that I need to.  I find it amazing that I didn't have depression issues or self image issues when I was heavier but now am suffering terrible.  I get very paranoid when people walk behind me and find myself walking at a faster pace to get out of sight.  I didn't even realize that I was having issues until someone very special to me pointed out the fact that I am constantly covering myself up, more so now than ever.  I want to hide in a whole until I come out perfect.  What is perfect anyway?  Does anyone ever achieve it.  Well enough with my venting and whining.  Just needed to put it out there to people who I thought could relate.

I really cannot believe how quickly this process is going  for me.  I went for my consultation on August 3, 2007 and that quickly I am already scheduled to have my surgery on October 29th.  I went through PAT onThursday and that was a piece of cake.  I can't even say that it seems like a reality to me yet.  I really don't think that this is going to hit me until I am laying on the hospital bed counting down from 10.  I am not nervous, apprehensive, I guess I am pretty much emotionless right now.  I am having my surgery at the Barix Clinic which is in Langhorne, Pa (right outside of Philadelphia).  My only set back so far is that instead of me losing 10 lbs before surgery I have gained 10lbs.  In my defense I recently quit smoking so I think that has played a huge factor in my weight gain.  I was put on a liquid diet and have to weigh in on Thursdays up until surgery day now because I cannot gain anymore weight.  I have only been on the liquids for 2 days now and already I am grouchy!  I'm hungry!