SoCal_Girl_79
Like many of you, I have been overweight for most of my lfe, but I never thought that I would be as heavy as I am now. I have been contemplating WLS for a couple of years, but the idea of me having surgery bothered me. I have never had a major surgery like this before and I was afraid. I was unsure if surgery was the right choice for me. I have been on and off of diets throughout my life and I hate the fact that food has to be the center of my life like this. One major thing I have had to come to terms with was denial. There has been many times where I went through phases of ignoring my weight problem because I didn't want to face it. It is a strange thing when I look in the mirror and I don't see myself as I should. Mentally I did not want to acknowledge that I had a problem because I felt that there was no help for me because the amount I had to lose was so much that it seemed like such a long shot. It is one thing when a person is 50lbs. overweight, but it's a whole new ball game when you know you got 200lbs. to lose. Whenever I dieted and would work out at the gym I knew I had a long ways to go before I would reach my goal, but I would try and set mini goals for myself like losing a fews pounds at a time, but no matter what goals I would try to set for myself I would still be overwhelmed knowing I had a long ways to go. My excessive weight gain has been a contributing factor in my lack of happiness. I became so self-conscience about my weight that it kept me from pursuing happiness. I began to isolate myself and then that's when problems really began to surface. It seemed as though the more problems I was having the more I gained weight. I basically let my insecurities control my life. About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It is an endocrine disorder that messes with hormones. At first I thought it wasn't a big deal that it would go away, but then after more trips to the doctors and doing some researching on the internet I found that it doesn't go away, and that symptoms may lessen with treatment. The PCOS has contributed to my inability of having children. As heavy as I am many doctors do not like the idea of me having a child because it would be considered a "high risk" pregnancy, So I felt that doctors didn't give me a whole lot of support in that area. I thought about going in and seeing a Reproductive Endocrinonologist, but when I shared with my doctor this, he said that specialists would be very apprehensive in treating me because of my weight, that many of them would not consider fertility treatments unless I had a dramatic weightloss. I knew all along what I had to do, and I know what is best for myself but sometimes it's difficult to face the hard facts. A part of me is selfish and I just wish that I could have children now, but In order for me to be a resposible parent and become the mother that I dream of being I must take care of my body to insure the health of not only myself but for my child as well. If I ever want to get there, I must be willing to make sacrifices to do whatever it takes. Weightloss may aid in helping ease the problems associated with PCOS. There is no absolute guarantee that WLS is the answer, but there are many women who were able to have healthy babies after the surgery. I am hoping that I am one of them, and if not well then at least my weight will not boggle me down if I ever decide to go through with fertility treatments. January of this year was the start of Spring classes at my community college I am currently attending. I had planned on going full-time and I was really excited about attending on-campus classes because I felt that I would be making a big step towards getting out of my isolating bubble. My motivation was quickly shattered when I realized the day before class started that I was not going to be able to fit in those tablet chairs. I tried to see if the college would accommodate me by just putting a simple chair in the class for me, but they told me that I would have to go my PCP and get a doctor's note stating that I was disabled so I could get a "disability pass". I thought to myself "no way am I doing that!" I felt that is was too much to deal with. All I could think about is how every week I attend class I am going to have to constantly worry and wonder is there going to be a chair in the class for me? Am I going to have to call the school to remind them all the time before class? I did not want to deal with all that. My motivation was shot down and I was very disappointed with the school. I felt very discriminated against and hurt. Nevertheless, I still am enrolled only I am taking online classes where I am not required to attend on campus. There are certain classes I must take on the campus in order to fulfill the requirements of obtaining my AA degree. I realized that this was it. This was the wake up call for me that I needed to make some changes in my life, or otherwise things were only going to get worse. My dreams of starting a family and going to college were reaching a halt. I felt that I was being robbed of living my life. I have no one else to blame but myself, and it is up to me to take back my life.
