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I haven't been posting because I'm not proud of my progress.  While I haven't gained, I haven't lost as much as I thought I would.  Although, according to my surgeon at my last appointment, he said I had lost more than the norm for the weight I started at.  To date, I have lost 142 lbs.  I'm stll 50 lbs from a goal I feel will never get here.  
So many things that I thought would be better when I lost the weight, really are.  Yet there are others that have gotten worse, and that depresses me.  I have more energy and really like getting out and doing things.  I even went to a haunted woods/mine a couple weeks ago that I would not have bee able to maneuver a year ago.  It was so much fun, but we had to crawl, go up and down hills and through tight spaces.  I didn't get stuck once....and didn't even lose my breath!  What upsets me is that I thought my husband would be all over me now that I am thinner, and that doesn't seem to be the case.  I know he has been having problems with his back, but I"m starting to think he's not attracted to me anymore.  It really worries me.
I think it may be just the time of year that's getting to me too.  Oct 2nd would have been my mother's 75th birthday.  I almost cried all day long.  I still get so angry thinking about how that evil husband of hers did us kids.  No family should ever have to go through what we did.  I know they are just material things.....but he had no right to them.  Things that were in the family for years should have stayed in the family.  I won't go into that anymore, but please be warned, if your parents remarry late in life, make sure that they revise their will or everything will go to the spouse in TN no matter how short a time they were married.
My 1 year surgery anniversary is coming up on Oct 17th.  Maybe I'll reach my goal eventually.

Well here I am almost 6 months post op.  Not very happy with my progress at this point.  I really expected to be closer to my goal.  I know part of my problem is not exercising.  My sister and I went shopping all day in Nashvile today....does that count as exercise?  I know we were exhausted when we came home.  I haven't power shopped like that in a long time.  It was fun though.  I bought a bunch of new tops because my closet was looking empty.  I have been in the same size for a couple months now, so I figured it was safe to invest in some new clothes.  Who am I kidding?  I've been buying clothes all along.  It's just more fun to shop now that things fit much better.  And besides...the season is changing and I needed cooler clothes.  
I recently rewarded myself with the car of my dreams.  I bought a 2007 Mustang convertible.  I just love it!  A year ago I would have never been able to get in and out of this car without much pain, but now I hop in and out without any trouble at all.  I'm telling all my friends its my "mid-life crisis car."  I'm being very selfish this year and finally taking care of myself.  I had the surgery for myself and no one else, and I bought the car for myself.  After all....I deserve it!  What am I working so hard for if I can't have the things I want?  I guess to some I sound materialistic, but when you have gone so long without much....it's nice to be able to treat yourself for a change.
I've lost 117 lbs since August of 2006, and 87 of that is since my surgery in October.  I guess by some standards that pretty good, but compared to so many....I just don't feel like I am keeping up with the norm.  Don't know what the real problem is, but it is discouraging.  The doc said I should exercise.  Yeah right.....I'll fit that in around midnight just before I go to bed only to get back up at 4:30 am.  
Oh well....maybe with the nicer weather coming around, I'll start walking at lunch time....when I get a lunch time!

Guess it's been a while since I've posted.  Let's see....what have I been up to?  Oh yeah.....working 16 hour days!  It's been tough at work and I have even thought about quitting.  If I thought I could make my salary at another job in this town....I might seriously consider it.  With all the stress of the holidays over....work became my main focus and it is wearing me out.  I have absolutely no time to prepare meals for myself so consequently I am not eating properly.   I have found some nifty little luncheable type meal packets that seem to be about right for me.  One is tiny bits of cheese with tiny bits of crackers that comes in a nice little 1.5 oz. serving.  Just right for me and no leftovers.  I know the crackers aren't all that good for me, but I just can't eat cheese alone....I need a crunch!  I've had little time to even eat at work, so I am faithful about taking my vitamins.  I just hope I'm getting enough because I know I haven't been making heatly food choices.  It's not that I'm eating really bad things....it's more that I'm not eating enough of the right things.  I have increased my water intake, so I hope that helps some.

I've had several plateaus.  They seem to last about 2 weeks at a time and then I lose again.  At 3 1/2 months out, I am down 69 lbs since the surgery and 101 lbs total since about August.  I was so thrilled the day I broke the 100 lb mark.  I also had a wow moment when I was doing laundry the other day and folding my jeans.  I held my jeans up and just looked at them with amazement.  I couldn't believe I could actually fit my fat butt into a size 18.  Looking forward to dropping another size or two before too long.

Things I've noticed since surgery:
1)  I don't have to take the long way around a crowded room anymore.  I can fit through the small spaces between chairs and people.
2)  My clothes don't take up as much room in my closet and drawers.
3)  I can feel bones in my shoulders I forgot I had.
4)  I do have more energy and can't wait until spring when I can get out and do things outside.
5)  It's easier to fasten my seatbelt in the car.....although I still think they were designed for tall, flat chested men!  I hate the way they choke me around the neck.
6)  It's not as painful to go up and down stairs.
7)  I don't make my husband find the closest parking space anymore.
8)  I love the way people light up when they haven't seen me in a while and notice my weight loss!
9)  That I have formed lasting friendships with some very special people who are going through the same thing as I.  

Things I wish I knew before surgery:
1)  That eating would be so difficult.
2)  That I would still want the food I can no longer eat.
3)  That I would have to take sooooooooooo many vitamins every day.
4)  That I would have plateaus so soon after surgery.
5)  That grocery shopping would be such a challenge and there are very few ready made meals that you can buy for bariatric patients.  I hate to cook!
6)  That the things I used to love would no longer taste good to me.
7)  That I would get so tired of drinking water, which is one thing I used to always drink plenty of before surgery.
8)  That it would be so difficult to get enough protein in and protein powders are just plain gross!
9)  That even eggs would make me sick.
10)  That some things that are high in sugar do not make me sick.
11)  That I would miss carbs so much.

I'll add to this list later.  I just thought it would be beneficial to anyone reading my post that is still thinking about the surgery.  I can't say I'm sorry I had it....but I just wish I had known certain things before the surgery.  I may have taken longer to research and decide if I had known some of these things.

Well....I'm off to bed for now.  I will try not to wait so long to post the next time.

Well, Christmas is over already.  It came and went so fast...but then it seems it does every year.  I look so forward to the holiday, I really hate to see it end.  I guess that's why we leave our tree up halfway into January.  I just hate to see it go away!
I've posted some pics of my tree, my hubby and me.  At 2 months post op, the pics don't look like I've lost that much weight.  Maybe I'm just too critical.  Everyone tells me I look great, and I'm down 3 sizes in jeans and even they are getting baggy on me...so I guess I have lost, but I just don't see it in the pictures.  Can't wait until the day when old friends won't even recognize me!
Haven't been doing too well on the eating.  Thought I would try some popcorn chicken and mashed potatoes for lunch today....and I only ate a couple pieces of the chicken and a couple teaspoons full of potatoes and it didn't stay with me.  I hate this!  I really don't know what to eat anymore.  I thought it was the bread that made me sick the other day, but now I"m thinking maybe it was the mashed potatoes.  I thought that was something we were supposed to be able to eat!  I'm getting to where I'm afraid to eat at all.  If I throw up, I"m not getting any protein at all.  If this keeps up I may just have to call the doc and see what they suggest.

Merry Christmas everyone!  It has been a while since I've posted, mostly just because I haven't had much positive to say.  I'm finally over my 2 week stand still and I have lost 56 lbs since surgery.  That's 86 lbs total if you count the 30 I lost before surgery.  I'm still not eating well.  Thomas made a really nice meal for my sister and her kids yesterday and I could hardly eat anything.  I had a little mashed potatoes, a couple tiny bites of meat and part of a bread stick.  I think the bread stick is what did it, but I spent the rest of the afternoon in the bathroom until I finally "got rid "of the problem.  I think the hardest part of this whole process for me is that I really am mourning the loss of food.  I miss eating and when I do eat, things just don't taste like they used to.  There is no enjoyment in eating anymore.  It is now a chore just to figure out what I can eat and even more of a chore to prepare a small portion.  It doesn't help that I hate to cook.  Am I having regrets?   I can say at this point..."yes."  The only good thing is the weight loss and the smaller sizes.  Well, hopefully my next post will be more upbeat.  I'm just feeling sorry for myself now.  I hope to get through this state before too long.  Thomas and I are going to catch a movie this afternoon.  Not sure how I'll make it through the movie without popcorn, but at least I'll fit in the theater seat a little easier!  
I think part of my problem is this being the first holiday season without my mother.  This was her favorite holiday and I miss her deeply.  My dad too.  It's hard trying to make new traditions.  It's just not the same without them around.
Oh well....Happy Holidays to all my friends!

7 weeks.....42 lbs since surgery.  I guess that's better than nothing.  I'm not eating right and that may come back to bite me in the end.  I am not eating much and from what I understand, I really need to try to get my protein in, but it is just so hard.  I have found a wonderful snack with not many calories that is satisfying my crunchy craving.  Rice cakes are a wonderful thing and they make them in "mini" size just right for us WLS patients.  They disolve fairly easily in my mouth and haven't made me sick yet like most everything else.  It's not that I actually vomit, because I have only done that once, but I get a sick feeling after everything I eat.  It subsides about an hour afterwards and I feel better until I have to eat again.  I try not to skip too many meals because I get light headed when I do.  This week was an adventure.  I had only done 1 restaurant since surgery until I went on a business trip this week.  I couldn't take all my food, and didn't want to sit in my hotel room while everyone else went out, so I did have breakfast and lunch out.  Although all I had was about 3/4 of a scrambled egg and a couple bites from an english muffin, I almost didn't make it through my meeting.  I'm sure I turned all shades of purple, but was able to hold back and soon the ill feeling went away.  I really thought eggs were something we should be able to eat, but everytime I have tried them, I feel sick.  Am I the only one that is having this trouble?  I just never expected it to be so difficult to eat.  I am still doing my protein shakes for breakfast most days, but don't think I would want to drink them all day.  Once a day is enough for me.  Guess I'll keep trying until I finally get this meal program right.  Just never thought it would be this hard!

So, now I'm over 6 weeks out and 39 lbs lost.  I can't believe I have only lost 1 lb in the last week.  I am so disapointed!  I know I shouldn't weigh every day, but just can't help myself.  I am not eating any more than I was, but haven't been getting the exercise I should.  I did get out and walk at work one day, and I have been to Walmart just about every night this week.  I'm sure that's pretty good exercise because I dog tired when I leave there.  Plus I've been on my feet a lot at home putting up our Christmas decorations...so I just don't know what the problem is.  A friend told me today though that a lot of times when you aren't losing pounds, you are still losing inches.  I haven't measured lately, but I certainly hope that is true.  I do know that I have dropped 2 sizes in jeans and the other day I actually bought a size 20 in dress slacks.  I was so excited.  I hope this is just a hurdle I will make it over soon.

5 1/2 weeks post op ...down 38 lbs.  I survived Thanksgiving, but I cannot say without any resentment.  I sat with my small plate and little dab of mashed potatoes and dressing while others around me all had heaping plates of wonderful food.  It's not the quantities that bother me, I can deal with that...it's that fact that I feel so lousy after everything I eat.  I don't throw up, I just feel lousy.  I can't even describe it as feeling full...it's just kind of queezy.  I asked someone today about it who has had the surgery and she said she felt that way for about the first 2 1/2 months.  I'm disapointed that no one mentioned this before.  I just want to start feeling better.  I was discussing this with another friend who had the surgery 1 week before me.  She is in about the same shape.  We are both upset that everyone just makes it sound so easy afterwards....and it's not.  We both feel like we may have rushed into it too soon.  I just think everyone tries to sugar coat everything (no pun intended) and they don't really tell you what it's like for the first few months.  It sucks!  I'm just being honest.  I do not intend to scare anyone off, but I think everyone should be more honest about what is going on.  The only ones you hear bad stuff from are the ones who are having extreme problems like not being able to keep anything down.   Things aren't as rosey on this side of the bench as i thought they would be.  I'm sure this is a stage we all go through, and I just wish I could get to the other side. 

1 month post op + 1 day....I've lost 32 lbs.  I'm trying to remain positive, but frankly....I'm in that "what the heck have I done" stage.  It's difficult to figure out what I can or should eat.  I tried some oatmeal with protein powder this morning and it gagged me.  I couldn't get a bite down.  Then I tried regular oatmeal and it was OK.  I just don't know how I'm ever going to get enough protein in because I have not found a powder yet that I can tolerate.  I am able to get down a canned protein shake though so I guess I'll just stick with those.  I know this is just a stage that I am going through, and I am seeing results....but just feeling sorry for myself and questioning if I did the right thing.  It scares me now to think that I may never be able to eat a normal meal again.  I know I won't be able to eat large portions, nor do I want to, but I would kill for some regular food.  I have tried different things and almost panic after I put them in my mouth because I'm afraid they won't go down.  I don't want to do anything to hurt my new pouch, but still want a good flavor in my mouth.  This really sucks.  I realize now why my support group doesn't want anyone to be an angel until they are 6 months out.  It's probably because us newbies would talk someone out of it.  I keep trying to keep my eye on the big picture and concentrate on the fact that this will make me healthier and happier in the end, but right now...I'm struggling.

Well....yesterday was my 4 week anniversary.  I'm down 29 lbs.  I haven't lost any in the last 3 days, but I think it is largely due to the fact that I am on my period.  Yuck.  That could be adding to my yucky, depressed feeling right now.  Thanksgiving is coming up and I know I won't be able to eat much, and what I do eat will have to be pureed or soft.  Guess that leaves me mashed potatoes and dressing.  I know I will make it through this though.  I am concentrating on wanting to serve a nice meal to everyone who can eat and just enjoy the companionship.  I'm even looking forward to Christmas this year and trying to forget about all the fudge and cookies that usually come around that time of year.  I think one year I gained 40 lbs just eating fudge!  
I like to always look at the before and after pictures on this website because they are so inspiring.  I can't wait until the day that I can post my "after" picture and I look marvelous!  I know when that day comes it will be worth all that I am going through right now.
It's raining like cats and dogs outside and that may be adding to my depression too.  I don't know why else I am so blue tonight.  
Will try to write more when I can be more positive.