Melyssa S.

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 This message was to a fellow OH'er and it was so good I wanted to have it to look back upon. Fatfreemama wrote:
Sometimes we go through a period of mourning as we say goodbye to our old selves. I could be wrong, but maybe you are grieving the person you are and a little afraid to embrace the person you are becoming. You've gone through a lot of change in a very short time and you are no longer the person you were, but are becoming the person you always dreamed of being. I know it's very scary. Some of us were heavy our whole lives and don't know what it is like to be healthy.

Make lists of why you are doing this. Write down all the things you couldn't do before and all the things you can do now and want to do in the future. Look at how much fun you are having being a part of your kids' lives instead of just on the sideline watching, like I did for so many years. As you embrace your new life, the old will fade and the sadness will pass. But always remember who you were because that person was strong enough to help you get to where you are today. He is still very much a part of you and always will be, but don't belittle the grieving process. Sometimes you have to say goodbye in order to move on.

Good luck.
This too shall pass.
Jan

One of my goals is to weigh less than my husband and I am a little less than 2# from that goal! I am so excited about it. It has been so long ago that I weighed less that I don't even remember :) Then next goal will be tested out on Sept 12th as we fly to Chicago "to fit comfortably in airline seat". I am hoping that by then I will have lost another 5 to 10 pounds. If you can't fit comfortably at 183 then they need to make those seats bigger!

I think I could do the "3 days aweek at the gym goal" but I am too lazy to get out of the house. Next week as my favorite quote from Scarlett O'Hera would say "tomorrows another day". I know I am only hurting myself and doing myself a disfavor by not going. Eventually I will get motivated.

 

Well today I woke with a headache and have been very lazy. I find that I spend a lot of time thinking about how much i will weigh and what size I will be on such and such a day, month etc.. My son is getting married in January and I would really like to be at my goal weight by then and in what size will I be - I don't know. Everyone is different so I can't go by what others on the OH site say because my proportions are just that, my proportions lol. I can only hope that I will fit into an 8 Tadashi formal gown as it is a black tie affair. Lord I hope my feet will be able to endure the high heels for the evening :). But that is not the only event I wonder about. In Sept I will be 3 months out and on the 12th heading for Chicago will I still be wearing the same size I am now or will I need to get a smaller size for the trip? Then the end of Sept we are going to Vegas to spend a week with our good friends from Michagan. Again I ask myself what will I be wearing and will I have lost enough to buy a smaller size? October will be 4 months out just shortly after my 52 bd on the 8th and again I wonder what i will weigh will I be down 20 pounds more by then or more or less? Then comes 5 months out on the 12 of Nov and we travel to Michagan for hunting season. Winter cloths what size? how much will I weigh? My mind is full of these questions day after day night after night I think about this craziness! In some ways it is fun to imagine, but I am such a realist and so analytical that it can paralyze me.  

Enough of that lets move on to something else. This past weekend my husband came in while I was sleeping and said, "what have you been teaching this puppy"? I said what do you mean? He said, "When I am going to the bathroom she jumps up on me, puts her arms around my neck and gives me hugs and kisses!" I laughed and said, Yeah she just started doing that a few days ago and I thought it was cute, so I don't discourage her. lol

This morning I weighed in at 194.9 I feel like that is so close to 195 that it shouldn't count :( Since my weight loss has slowed down to around 2 pounds a week I don't think I will have much of a scale victory for a few more days. 
Just thankful it is still going down and my tool is working :) 
I thank the Lord for his many blessing on me and my family. 

 Post Date: 8/21/12 8:20 am 
Last Edit: 8/21/12 8:23 am

There are stages to this process and I understand that. Looking back on my own process I think a lot about what I wish I could tell new post-op Nikki from where I sit right now. And I have decided it is this.

You are you. You are you for a reason. You can’t and won’t be anybody else besides you. But guess what? You are awesome! There is nobody else like you and because of that you have unique and wonderful gifts to bring to the world.

Keeping all that in mind…STOP comparing yourself to everyone else. They are not you and you are not them. 

STOP sweating the small stuff and live this life. Because all too soon you’ll find more years behind you than ahead. 

STOP selling yourself short. You deserve all the love, happiness, good health, good vibes, happy memories and healthy relationships the universe has to offer but those rarely just knock on your door. More often you have to make positive changes within yourself to attract positive changes around you. Good energy draws more good energy to you. So STOP the negativity.

STOP limiting yourself. You can do whatever it is you put your mind to. You really can. Barring physical ailments, most of the time it’s mind over matter. So in reality YOU are the roadblock standing between you and any goal you have in life. So STOP doing that.

Lastly, STOP choosing unhappiness over happiness. Yep, that’s right “Newbie Nikki” happiness is a CHOICE. It’s rarely the easy choice. Life is stressful. The only thing that is constant is change. As soon as you get to one mile marker on the journey your brain thinks about how long it is until the next mile marker but guess what else? YOU get to choose to move about this journey with an attitude of abundance and the spirit of joy. Or you can move about this journey with an attitude of lamentation. It’s truly your CHOICE. While choosing happiness is by far the more difficult thing to do, it is so freeing. Let go of everything that makes you feel worthless and incomplete. It takes years, decades, lifetimes but as you drop each piece of negativity along your path you’ll find yourself lighter, stealthier, and moving at a faster pace toward where and WHO you want to be.

So that’s what the new me would tell the old me. And it’s also what I’d tell all of you. We focus so much on the food, the food, the food. Not to sound cliché but it truly isn’t about what we’re eating, but what’s eating us. When we get closer to being in touch with our emotional selves we start to find a bit of peace with the food aspect. Even a bit more peace with the weight aspect (although even the most centered person is capable of being knocked off kilter there too).

Bottom line: be good to yourself. You only get this one life and it’s a shame to waste a single moment of it needlessly torturing yourself. Motivating? Yes. Pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone and way past what you thought you could do? Absolutely! Torture? No, no, no…

Although I weigh everyday and some days the scale says the same thing. Today I have made up my mind that I am just plain happy that it is still going in the downward direction even though it may seem slow. When I look back to just a couple months ago and the weight I have lost thus far I feel like the incredible shrinking woman!!! I love my new tool! Yes it is an adjustment ie slower eating, less food, occasional upset stomach etc.. But I am feeling better and better each day and my self worth is becoming clearer in my head. Happy to be alive

Well I have never blogged before and thought I would give it a try. I know that it is up to ME to make myself happy and sometimes I struggle with that even with taking 100 mg of Zoloft a day. As I sit here writing this I realize that I just need to get up and move. Instead I sit and play on this computer all day long. it is just to hot to go outside and do anything.

I have so many things to be thankful for but really don't take the time to think about them. I think I need to list them so I can visually see them from time to time.
I have a wonderful supporting husband
I have 4 great adult children who are all healthy
Townhome that is paid for
Husband who works hard everyday to support us
2 sweet loving dogs
I also have a best friend that not many people can say they have had since birth!
I still have my dad who will be 87 this year and I love him to pieces!
All our bills are paid and we don't have any debt. 
We get to travel alot
A God that Loves me and thinks I am worth much more than I think myself

Well that is all I can think of. 

Just a quick update on my WL - I dropped into Onederland a week ago!!! Today I am 197 with 57 more pounds to go till I reach my goal weight of 140. The dr told me last week I was doing great but that my weight loss will start to slow down :( 
I am ok with that as long as I keep losing. Of course 2 pounds a week would be nice. 

So I will sign off - till the next time I feel like doing this again