soulpurpose11
3/16/05
I am disappointed. my pcp submitted a request to my hmo for a consultation with a surgeon. the insurance denied me because my bmi is less than 1% away from 40%.
3/17/05
I've decided to do whatever it takes to get approved. if they want a few more pounds, a few more pounds they will get!!
4/11/05
Mission accomplished, my bmi is now 41.3% i went to the doctor again and it turns out the nurse wrote down 240 instead of 249 last time i was there. plus i gained 4 pounds (for the cause of course) so now they are resubmitting with the correct info. i should get a response in a week.
4/18/05
Got approval letter for consultation today! made an appointment to see Dr. Leport for 5/5/05. Things are looking up!!
5/6/05
Had first appointment with surgeon's office yesterday. saw physicians assistant who took my history, filled out a psych questionaire of over 200 questions and sat through an orientation class. scheduled an appointment for tues may 10th for psych eval by a psychologist which is mandatory. i was told to call the surgeon's office back this morning to find out my next step. after the psych eval on 5/10 i have to attend a nutrition class on 5/12. apparently that is all that they need to submit for authorization from the insurance company!
5/10/05
Went for a psychiatric evaluation today. the therapist was very nice and made me feel comfortable. He gave me a lot of information about the surgery and what it will be like afterward. I wasn't expecting him to be so helpful! After speaking with him it is all starting to feel very real to me. I finally feel like it's ok to be excited about it. I want it to hurry up and happen!!!!
5/12/05
I went to the nutrition class today which was very informative. tomorrow the surgeon's office will get proof i attended, a note from my doctor stating i have no recent drug or alcohol use and then they have all they need to submit for authorization for the surgery!!
5/28/05
Went to visit my dad in arizona for the memorial day weekend. i was nervous because i planned to tell him about the surgery. first i told my stepmom who was very interested and supportive. later i told my dad and i was surprised to find that he was also supportive. i really didnt think he would like it. what a relief. my stepmom is now looking into it for herself which is a good thing because she is diabetic and has a heart condition. now i have to think about telling my mom. i really dont expect her to be supportive but you never know, my dad surprised me!!
5/31/05
yyyyeeeeeee!!!! i got the call today. my insurance approved me for surgery. i should get a call at the end of this week or beginning of next week to set a date and get further instructions. THANK YOU GOD!!!
6/3/05
I got the call today at work. my surgery is scheduled for june 27th. i wasn't expecting it to be so soon. I hung up and sort of went into a fog. I felt panicky, nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. I told my coworkers who have all been very supportive. They were happy for me and helped me process how i was feeling. after about an hour i started to feel normal again and focused on work but every once in awhile it would pop into my mind and i would get that nervous feeling again. now i have to work on how to tell my mother who has a tendency to assume the worst in any situation. i hope i will have her support but it's gonna happen with or without it.....
6/4/05
I got an email from my mom today. apparently my sister didn't know she hadn't been told about my surgery and let it slip. My mom's email stated she had heard i was thinking of surgery and that i was not allowed to have it (she has control issues. I emailed her back saying I though her reaction was coming from fear rather than fact and attached several links to websites that gave valuable information about the procedure. I asked her to read them so she could have an informed opinion. She emailed back saying she did not have time to read them and to forget considering the surgery because I couldn't have it (did she forget i'm 40?) I emailed back saying I had surgery scheduled on june 27th and that i hoped for her support but would be having the surgery with or without it. She then emailed back saying she had just sent my dad a message to tell me not to do it. To her suprise, i already have his blessing and my stepmother is also going to have it done.
6/6/05
My mom emailed again and asked me to stop by her house after work. I agreed figuring I might as well get it over with. When I got there she said she had talked to the school nurse (she works at a school) who told her it was a bad idea, people have lots of complications and it damages the othe organs in your body. I calmy gave her the statistics and explained that this surgery is not as major as she is imagining it to be. She gave it another shot, saying I should be able to do it myself and that I'm taking the easy way out. I then described the daily routine and rules one has to follow after surgery for the rest of their life. She tried again, this time saying i should have my thyroid checked for problems. I reminded her that I have had my thyroid checked every year, hoping that would be the problem and in never has been. Not good enough she said, make the doctor do a scan and put you on medication, you will lose weight that way (make the doctor?). I replied that I had made a decision to have the surgery and I was going to stick to that decision. Still not giving up, she told me she didnt think orange coast memorial was a very good hospital and wouldn't know what they were doing. I explained that they have been performing this surgery for a very long time and are very aware of the needs of bariatric patients, even hosting support groups on a regular basis. At last she gives up saying "well i didnt think i could talk you out of it but i had to tell you how i felt about it". No realizing she cant stop it from happening, she comes in at a whole new angle. Where will your daughter stay while you are in the hospital, who will be taking care of you? I tell her I already have this all handled and not to worry. No, you have to stay at my house afterward she says. No way, I want to be in my own bed in my own house when I come home. Finally the phone rings and I am off the hook so I leave. (whew, close call).
6/8/05
I get a call from the surgeons office to schedule a lot of tests for next week. i was suprised, i didnt know i had to have these things done. i have to be at the hospital at 7:00am for an endoscopy (not even sure what that is), a gallbladder ultrasound, chest x-ray, blood work and then to admitting to sign surgery paperwork, then that afternoon i have my pre-op appointment with the surgeon. I also have to attend a doctors talk next week and will go to a support group meeting that same day since i will already be there.
6/9/05
I decided to go to my first support group today. It was at fountain valley regional hospital at 6:30pm. It was very interesting, some people pre-op, some just had surgery, some had it years ago. lots of discussion, helpful tips, and good education. I met some nice ladies who were very friendly and excited for me. one lady gave me a protein bar to try to see if it was something i would be able to eat later on. It was a good experience and i am looking forward to the next meeting. It was sort of a deja vu experience that the things they talked about, feelings, rigid thinking, trust the process and sabatoging your program are all things that i discuss on a regular basis with the group i run at work. tha's a bonus for me....
6/13/05
I went to the doctor's talk today which is required before surgery. It was a group of patients all scheduled to hear one of the surgeons speak and then answer questions. Fortunately for me, it was my doctor giving the talk so I was able to get to know her a little. She was very informative and has a good sense of humor. I fee safe knowing she is going to be the one who operates on me, she seems knowledgable and confident.
6/14/05
Oh wow, what a day. I had to be at the hospital at 7:00am. First I had to check in and sign some paperwork. Next a pregnancy test, then chest x-rays, upper GI (the stuff I had to drink was hideous) and ultrasound of the gallbladder. Next was bloodwork and an EKG, of course the nurse had trouble finding a vein to draw blood, they always do. Next over to the doctor's office for a pre-op appointment which meant more paperwork and then I was fitted for a binder (some tight belt kind of thing with velcro to wear after sugery). Next back to the hospital for more blood work, something about blood gases and how much oxygen is in my blood. After that I went shopping for a robe to take to the hospital and then home for about an hour. I had an appointment to meet Dr. Frances for a one to one before sugery. She was still nice, funny, knowledgable and confident. I think she thought I was a little weird because I didn't have any questions for her about the surgery. I have done so much research, attended a couple of support groups, read everthing they told me to and listened to her talk the day before and pretty much got all the information I needed. The appointment didn't last long but that was ok with me because I had been running around all day. I picked up my daughter and a freind of hers and we went out to dinner to a mexican restaraunt. I read the menu pretending I already had surgery to see what I might be able to eat. I guess it would have to be soup or refried beans and cheese. So I ordered a regular dinner, ate lots of chips and said goodbye to mexican food for awhile.
6/21/05 Yesterday I had an appointment to see my primary care doctor so he could ok me for surgery. when i got there for the appointment the nurse told me that he had already received all of my test results and had faxed a note to the surgeon releasing me for sugery. this was all done on june 16th and i did not need to see him today. cool with me, i had taken the morning off from work so i went shopping to get some things for after sugery. i bought a blender to make protein shakes, a clip on fan to hang above my bed cause it's been so hot and my daughter's 8th grade graduation present. the count down has begun, next week at this time i will be in the hospital recovering from sugery, how exciting!!!
6/26/05 Ok, my sugery is tomorrow. i am on an all liquid diet today and feeling very hungry. It will all be worth it in the end. I took my milk of magnesia at 12:00 noon as directed. it kicked in at about 1:00pm which was a hassle because i was walking back and forth to the laundry room. Tommorrow at this time my surgery will be done and I will be laying in bed complaining about how thirsty I am. My Mom called to check on me, my Dad and Stepmom called to check on me and a friend from work called to check on me. I am feeling excited but also well prepared for tomorrow.
7/1/05 i came home from the hospital on thursday morning and boy was i glad to be out of the hospital. the surgery went well, no complications. the pain was tolerable with pain medication, i mostly slept the first two days. i got up and walked several times and followed all of the nurses instructions. the bed was very uncomfortable and i think that was the worst part, just wanting to be in my own bed. i had originally set things up so that my 14 year old daughter would go to stay with her dad for a week and my sister would come and stay with me. at the last minute my daughter said she didn't want to go to her dads and cried and begged to stay home. i rearranged everything, having my sister come and stay with my daughter while i was in the hospital and then my daughter would help me out after i came home. things have not gone as planned, she is a 14 year old girl completely absorbed in her own life and really hasnt helped me at all. the house is a mess which drives me crazy, she sits on the computer and ignores me. i know i am feeling sorry for myself but it is how i feel. i wish i had sent her to her dads and had my sister here, i need less stress not more. i learned a valuable lesson from all of this. in the future i need to make sure my own needs get met and take care of me first because my daughter wont do it for me. blah blah blah, whine whine whine. i'm done now and will definetly be setting some healthy boundaries in the future. today i ate some sugar free pudding and some mashed potatoes for dinner, also had a carnation instant breakfast which was good. i know i didn't drink all the water i was supposed to be i'm doing my best.
7/2/05 today is much better. i still have some pain, sort of a pain in my left side like i ran too fast. it never really goes away, the pain meds help but i am very careful to not use any more than prescribed, even less if i can get away with it. i feel like i may have lost some weight but i decided not to do the daily weigh in thing. i will wait for doctors appointments for that. i dont want to become obsessed with the scale, seeing clothes fit better and better as time goes by will be more satisfying anyway. so far i have only worn night gowns since i got home from the hospital so it would be hard to tell. i trust the process will work and i will lose weight like i should as long as i follow direction. i took vacation time from work to do all this and it's kind of funny to think that i'm laying around in my pajamas on vacation and losing weight. i read the obesityhelp message board everyday and get lots of good information and lots of wonderful support too. this whole thing would have been a lot harder without it. one week ago today i was eating pizza and ice cream as my final meal before surgery, today i had a dannon light yogurt smoothie, some chick soup without the noodles, sugar free pudding and sugar free popsicles. what i would really like is roast beef, mashed potatoes, peas, ya know some good home cooking but when i eat it doesnt matter what it is, i feel satisfied so that's ok that i have to wait a long time for solid foods.
7/4/05 happy 4th of july. i am staying home today which is fine with me. it's the first day of no pain, no feeling uncomfortable. first day of taking all my suppliments and first protein drink to start keeping trakc of my 40 dalily grams of protein. i mostly drink water or crystal lite for now, it's weird i still haven't had a craving for diet pepsi. i haven't been without it since high school. i feel like i may have lost some weight, seems my nightgowns fit a little differently, i don't know. it would be a bummer to get on the scale and not see any results so i'm not going to do it but i still wonder if it's working. again, i have the nagging fear that i will be the one person that surgery doesn't work for even if i follow all the guidelines. i guess that comes from a life time of failing at dieting. i still have had no nauseau or vomiting at all which is a good thing except that i wonder if that means the surgery didnt work and i can still eat anything. i don't think i will test that theory for now, i'll jus stick with instant mashed potatoes, cream of wheat and soup like i'm supposed to.
7/8/05 i had my first "almost threw up experience" today. i was watching tv and eating chicken soup, not paying attention to how fast i was eating. next thing i know, a lot of pain in my chest and my stomach sort of bouncing around. i went and stood at the kitchen sink waiting for it to come up. it was close but no go. how funny, i have this built in food-o-meter that won't let me eat too fast or too much no matter what my head is thinking. that's pretty cool because my whole life i have wanted to be able to eat small reasonable amounts of the same food like all my thin friends. anyway, i will try to pay more attention to how fast i eat, cause it was a big ouch!!
7/10/05 yesterday i went to my nail appointment and my nail lady said someone she knows who is having surgery was going to stop by to ask me some questions. she showed up and i gave her all the information i had and described my experience for her. she said her surgeon had told her she would be on liquids for two weeks and then could pretty much eat anything that would agree with her stomach. well i liked that answer much better than my surgeons suggestion to wait six weeks so when i went out for girls night last night we ended up at the olive garden. i was first disappointed that i couldn't have the salad which i love but i'm not dumb enough to try that yet so i had the minestrone soup with a bread stick. i mostly only ate the broth to try and save room for my entree but did eat half the bread stick. i ate very slow and paid attention to how my stomach felt after each bite. then my entree came which was alfredo with shrimp and scallops. i literally ate about 5 small bites and was too full to eat any more. i felt frustrated that i could not eat anymore because it was really good and everyone else was still eating. i felt like having a small temper tantrum. one of the girls i was with said "she's eating like we are suppose to eat" and that kind of brought me back to reality and i felt grateful that i didnt need anymore to feel full. i took the leftovers home to my daughter who was thrilled because it was almost a whole meal. we then went to the movies and all the girls got snacks and drinks except me. i was again bummed out that i couldn't eat, this time because they didn't have anything sugar free and the only drinks were sodas which i'm not supposed to have. again i felt that twinge of jealousy and sort of pouted to myself until the movie started and then i forgot all about it. i know i am feeling deprived and i also know that in the end it will all be worth it. anyway, that was my first real meal and first real attempt to deal with my grief and loss issues about food and how i used to eat.
7/14/05 i went back to work on monday and have done pretty good so far. by the time i get home at night i am exhausted. i shower, feed the cats and go straight to bed. i didn't even answer my phone. i have been living off of taco bell bean burritos. i eat it sort of like squeezing a tube of toothpaste, squeezing out the beans and cheese, eating only a little of the tortilla. it's the only thing that sounds good, satisfies me and doesn't hurt to eat. i have been drinking atkins chocolate shake protien drinks too, those seem to be ok with my stomach too. it certainly is in charge these days, i can't do much without it's permission.
7/15/05 I DUMPED. yes i had to test the theory. i was at the grocery store buying water and different soups and decided i would try eating some ice cream. i bought atkins brand chocolate ice cream with no sugar no carbs. i ate about half when the sickness hit. nausea, headache, heart beating fast, cramping and then about an hour later, diarrhea. it was very gross, came out still looking like ice cream. it lasted the rest of the day, trips to the bathroom every 20 minutes or so. needless to say, the thought of chocolate ice cream leaves me feeling nauseated. aaaaaakkkkk.
7/19/05 today i went to my first post op appointment with the doctor. it is 3 weeks and 1 day since my surgery. i have lost 15 pounds! i weighed 258 the day of surgery and today i was 243. i was hoping to have lost at least 10 to 12 pounds so i was very pleased. i was thinking about what has changed for me since surgery: no more lower back pain, my feet fit into all my shoes, no knee pain, it doesn't hurt to climb stairs and i don't get out of breath, i'm not sweating constantly, my butt fits in the bathtub with room on either side, when i look down i see my boobs and not my stomach. life is good and i feel very motivated.
7/30/05 well i am back to feeling completely normal physically. no pain, no fatigue. my incisions have healed nicely. i worry i can eat too much. lately i have been eating a lot of chili. i am trying to eat food with a lot of protein in chili is loaded with protein and is easy on my stomach. i'm also eating cottage cheese, soy crisps, yogurt and still have soup once in a while. i also occasionally drink a protein drink. the thing is that it seems like i can eat more that i should be able to. i can eat several spoonfuls of chili at a time or a whole single serving yogurt. yesterday at work i had an egg salad sandwich. i didnt eat the crust but was able to eat both halves of the sandwich. i felt full but not stuffed. i know in the past i would have eaten the crust, had a bag of chips and probably two cookies with it so i am eating a lot less but i still worry. i am afraid as i have said before that i will be the one person that the surgery doesnt work for and wont lose any weight. on the other hand, i have passed up cake on a couple of occasions now which is a miracle. i'm usually a two piece and any extra frosting left on the tray kind of girl. my mind is telling me to weigh myself but i know if i do it will only make things worse. i have two more weeks before i go back to the doctor and intend to wait until then to get weighed. a pair of pants i wore last week that were sort of loose were even more loose this week so that too is a good sign. also last weekend i went to arizona to my dad's house. my stepbrother was visiting from arkansas so i wanted to see him. everyone told me they could see the weight loss especially in my face. i wish i could see it. that was my first family get together since surgery. i didn't feel as deprived as i though i would when everyone else ate barbeque and cake and mexican food. i just picked at a few things. everyone was watching me to see what i would eat and how much. it was kinda weird.
8/16/05 i went for my second post op appt with the doctor today. i hadn't weighed myself since my last visit. i lost another 10 pounds which brings me to a total of 25. that's a pretty good amount to lose in 7 weeks. i see peoples profiles saying they have lost a lot more than that and had surgery after i did. i was starting to feel bad about it, like i wasn't losing fast enough. then someone posted a question on the message board about how much weight other people had lost. one of the responses was that we shouldn't look at how much we had lost in pounds in comparison to what others had lost but look at what percent of our excess weight we had lost. according to that theory i have now lost 25 percent of my goal. i know that someone who weighs over 300 pounds and is losing faster than me probably isn't getting to 100 percent any faster than i will. so that put things into perspective for me as well as the response i have gotten from friends and family when i tell them i have lost 25 pounds. they think that is wonderful and a lot to lose so fast. the doctor told me i have no more restrictions, can eat any food that agrees with me and i can start exercising. i guess i will have to psych myself up to start doing some cardio. yuk!
9/10/05 i last weighed in at 8 weeks and had lost a total of 30 pounds which was very cool. for the last couple weeks it seems that eating is a real chore. i swear i would rather just not do it at all but then i get weak and dizzy. nothing seems to go down easy. it either gets stuck and hurts or makes me feel nauseaus. i dread mealtimes cause i have to decide what to eat. even water seems to hurt. i have been getting lots of compliments from freinds on how good i look which is inspiring. i had a wow moment last weekend. i went to a freinds house because they were having a poker tournament. i didn't play but hung out and socialized. later as i was leaving i heard one of the guys i had met that night say "she's pretty, i'm suprised she's single". that was very uplifting! i will weigh myself again on monday which will be 11 weeks. i hope i've lost more but who knows since i haven't been able to eat all the protein i'm supposed to everyday. oh by the way, it turns out cake with buttercream frosting makes me quite ill, what a suprise.
9/26/05 I weighed myself this morning and i have now lost a total of 41 pounds. i am very satisfied with my results so far. this means i have lost 41 percent of my excess weight. my jeans are hanging off me so i am going to dig the next size down out of the back of my closet. i met a guy online and met him for lunch last weekend. i really liked him right away which doesn't usually happen. my past luck online was not good at all. anyway i told him about my surgery so he wouldn't think i was weird when we ate. i don't know if it is because i am more comfortable with myself or some other reason but i wasn't nervous and had a good time. i even kissed him before i left. i think i will see him again. my stepmother had her surgery at the end of august and had already lost 20 pounds after two weeks. i knew she would lose faster than me but i am really happy for her. she hasn't had this much motivation in years. my eating habits are weird sometimes i can eat a lot and sometimes i can only eat a few bites. tuna casserole goes down really easy, one time i could eat steak with no problem, the next time i could only eat two bites and then it hurt. i can eat tempura shrimp and vegetables but no chicken, every time i eat chicken it gets stuck, doesn't matter how its cooked, dark or white, or how much i chew it. it always hurts. guess i get to be a red meat eater for awhile.
10/31/05 Happy Halloween! I weighed this morning and have lost 52 pounds. that's 52 percent of my excess weight gone! i am happy. i have been dating, bought some new clothes and underwear (sexy ones) and have a lot more energy than ever before. i went to the gym with a friend and found i could work out a lot longer than i thought i would be able to. i can eat most foods with no problems these days. i still stay away from ice cream products because i feel sick if i eat them but occasioanlly have a cookie or candy. i try to eat all my protein, last visit to the doctor i was told to up my protein from 40 to 60 grams. i doubt i am getting 60 grams regularly but i am trying. i started drinking milk more often that seems to help when i don't feel like eating but know i need the protein. i have lost a ton of hair. most people cant see it and i know i look like i have a lot of hair but truly it is half the thickness that it is supposed to be. god i hope it grows back soon, it's starting to freak me out.
12/22/05 merry christmas everyone! i weighed myself this morning and i am officially in "onederland". i am down to 196, that's a total loss of 63 pounds so far and during the holiday season! that is completely unheard of for me, i have consistently gained weight during the holidays my whole adult life, this is all brand new territory for me. i am surrounded by holiday goodies at work and at home and have indulged a little and still managed to continue to lose weight. i was going to be happy if i just didn't gain any but never expected to lose. this is truly a gift from god. my self esteem has never been better, i no longer feel like i am secretly a failure. food has lost it's magic power over me, not only do i eat a lot less but i rarely obsess about it either. i didn't know that the surgery could take that away but it has. food is finally just food, not my god. i rarely get sick from eating or dump anymore, i have pretty much adjusted to my new limits and know when to stop and what not to eat. there was cheese cake at work today. last year i ate half of the very same cheese cake, this year i had 1/16th of a slice which amounted to two regular size bites and was a happy camper, didn't need anymore, didn't get sick. the sense of freedom i feel is tremendous. i have a lot to be grateful for.
march 25, 2006 last weigh in i have lost 70 pounds. that's in 9 months. i added my after pic today, figured it was time for an update. i am happy. dating, going out having fun meeting new people. life is good. no side effects, no problems, no food i cant eat, just way less than i used to.
December 2008 I am down to 177 pounds and have kept it off for three years now. I am ready for the next step which is a tummy tuck to get rid of all the yucky loose skin. I found a great surgeon and will have surgery next month.
January 2009 I had my tummy tuck! it hurt like hell but was worth it. I would do it again in a minute. what a difference it has made. with all the skin removed i am down to 169 pounds. It's like a whole new me. I even feel motivated to work out for my arms and legs now. Now thats a real miracle. lol My life is pretty good these days. job i love, friends i love, family i tolerate lol, and a body that i am content with. not perfect but better than i thought it could be. i still have dumping syndrome if i eat things like cake, ice cream, candy etc so i avoid all those foods that used to get me into so much trouble before my surgery. i stick to protein, fruits and vegetables and occasional carbs. i did develop hypoglycemia and have to make sure to eat some healthy carbs at each meal these days. i can eat a lot more than i could almost four years ago after surgery but still no where near the amount of food i used to consume. i can eat the hamburger but not the fries, dinner in a restaurant but not the soup/salad or desert and usually not the bread on the table. lots of leftovers in my fridge on a regular basis. food has lost its power over me. it feels wonderful and very freeing.
