sparksofjupiter

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

So it's been a little over two months since my surgery.

 

There have been many many MANY trial and errors! I have been doing well with getting in at least one full protein shake a day, and adding more vegetables and other sources of protein such as chicken, steak, turkey, etc. 

I have fallen off the wagon quite a bit, for example, CARBS! the evil thing called carbs!!! given, if i do have any carb intake it wouldn't even be more than two bites and i'll call it quits. i became aware of the mishap i was succumbing myself to and started cutting down on that once again. 

I've noticed I haven't lost any actual scale weight in weeks, but i am physically still losing inches, which is beyond me. i'm probably a size 13 now, which is unheard of to me!!! i haven't been anything below a 16 in years.

still, i need to keep focused. i have started drinking again, but very very rarely and i won't have much more than one drink and absolutely no mixed, or carbonated. i used to be obsessed with beer, i tasted it, loved it again, but quickly felt the bubbles just destroying me inside. i couldn't take it. same with soda. those bubbles, man. 

so wine, and straight up whiskey have become my best friend. no shots, they'll seriously make you feel terrible (well me at least), and i've finally understood to make sure to PACE MYSELF. Eat first, wait the damn 30-40 minutes, THEN DRINK, and this goes for anything, water, alcohol, just be patient.

yes, i've gone backwards for eating carbs, and drinking, but i've pulled myself back, and learned to control it more than ever. if i ever see carbs, i become aware of how worthless it would be to eat it as opposed to something healthier, i know my limits not more than before the surgery and actually use them to my advantage. at first, i would fight them, now i embrace them. yes, i am not perfect, but i let myself live a normal life where i don't feel strained or anxious for not being able to have that one fry or that one piece of chocolate. i let myself have a taste of these things, not daily of course, but sporadically, and right when i have the taste, i am completely satisfied and move on to my regular plan and meals. the beauty of it is i dont sit around and think up amazing and huge meals i can conjure up and then feel anxious and restricted and succumb to those desires and completely ruin everything. all in all, i am so happy about this.

i know in due time i'll start losing weight, as in scale weight, again. another thing i need to really get on is the physical activity. i'm going to nyc on monday, thank god i'll be walking all over the place, should be a great kickstart to me being more active when i get back five days later. i'm very excited about this because it's opened me up to so many new life plans! i just have to DO IT!!!

 

i hope everyone is having a fantastic experience! bumps in the road have to be normal, i have to have faith in that. 

 

i'll post up new pics shortly. 

so on Monday I hit 189 lbs, thats 23 pounds lost since January 2nd (pre-op) and roughly 17 pounds post op. Monday marked two weeks post-op.

Unfortunately, i became extremely dehydrated and caught a stomach bug going around. TMI but i had the runs non stop for about a day and a half. that didn't help with the dehydration AT ALL. So I tried my best to get in all the liquids I could, i had water, went back to clear liquids, had chicken soup (mainly broth), and had powerade zero, 32 oz of that within the span of a day and something.

That shot up my weight to 196 out of nowhere, I assume between my period and finally getting in as much liquid as possible that's what caused the jump, now today it's back to 190, but it hasn't moved an inch since then. 

My nutritionist warned me that once i started getting liquids in i would hit a stall, but that it would go away within a week. I've been trying to get liquids in today, barely had any though and i'm scared of falling back into it. I did, however, do well on eating. I have pushed back getting on official soft foods in order to make sure im 100% ready so im still on liquids, and puree. 

Tomorrow is a work softball game, some of the teachers are playing on the team and the rest of us are spectators (mandatory to attend). This kind of sucks because there will be DRINKS AND FOOD everywhere! and I have to pack up my yogurt, protein shakes, and powerade to make sure i STAY HYDRATED ALL DAY! i'm excited because i love softball, im upset because this is going to be so hard and i'm still so cranky and frustrated with how little liquids i can take in and just how much food there is in the world and temptation.

My first support group meeting is on february 5th.

I can't tell you how much I cannot wait to go, I need this. I had a melt down tuesday and wednesday night and just cried my heart out, mostly because of all the dehydration, bathroom runs, frustration, feeling down, exhaustion, fatigue and just...plain...desire for real food. i kept thinking to myself all of the things i'll be missing out on and how maybe i had made a huge mistake.

I don't know if these feelings are normal but it took me a few days to kind of wake up and realize what a lonely journey this really is and just how truly it is NOT the easy way out, despite what others may think.

 

 

Monday would be two weeks post-op for me. I have my nutritionist appointment that day!

Well, unfortunately I hit yet another stall. I went down to 194 and have been there for about two-three days now. 

I made a few mistakes this week, mistakes i don't entirely regret, but now that I think about it...they weren't exactly the best ideas i've ever had...especially so early on. 

Yesterday I gave in to temptation and did two very bad things. I had three cigarettes! On my drive home I vowed that because I could do a month without smoking then I can do it again. Given, it was only three as opposed to an entire pack and I didn't go off and buy a pack after so i'm proud of myself for not completely going backwards. I feel okay about it because i'm not itching for more now. If anything, i feel satisfied and moving on to another month of no smoking. 

The other bad thing I did...My coworkers and I went to a restaurant, and I was planning on having mashed potatoes (i'm now in the purée phase), but unfortunately they didn't have any. Instead, I opted for mac and cheese from the kids menu. Honestly, I have read before that the option of ordering from the kids menu was a good idea, but i felt guilty for eating mac and cheese. then again, i had literally two bites, was full, and had to take the box home, then i had two more bites at home for dinner and couldn't go anymore. The mac and cheese part is what kills me! all i could think about was carbs, and fat, and bad, bad, bad!!! but it was delicious. i'm back now to being good but i hate that i couldn't resist freaking mac and cheese. I did remember how important it is to chew, i chewed it like a cow, just kept chewing until it was complete mush in my mouth haha. 

sigh. I'm getting better at getting the protein in, i've been eating pureed chicken salad, and tuna salad, and had beans, etc. anything with protein already in it, but now its the liquids i'm having a hard time getting in. 

I need to sign up for a support group meeting ASAP. 

Well i've gone down to 197 pounds! Unfortunately, the scale hasn't changed in two days, so now i'm kind of worried about that....it's a little too early to be hitting a plateau!!! 

let's see, i've been trying to figure out the whole full liquids diet thing, i mean i get to move onto purée phase tomorrow or wednesday, depending on how I feel, but it's been such a struggle with the meals and protein.

first of all, it takes me at least 30-45 minutes to eat one pudding cup!!! my goodness!! and I don't really know when I should be stopping because then I feel like i'm not getting enough food in me.

let's see, a typical meal would be, pudding cup with a scoop of cookies and cream protein (25 g), 4 oz soup with tasteless protein (10 g), and yogurt....and basically repeating the meals for the day  until I reach the 50 grams of protein  and for the following days because i'm out of ideas...and honestly, im exhausted of pudding and soup already. I don't even think im doing anything right!!!!

i've bought some stuff at publix for purée phase, though..maybe that will help! lets see, I got some cheese grits, more soup (low sodium of course), baby food of different kinds which are perfect and easy for work, fat free light cream cheese, some fat free mozarella shredded cheese, and refried beans, hopefully more ideas will come to me!

the protein powder is a bit of a bitch because i hated mixing it with soy milk, skim milk, any milk, it made me sick and grossed out. so mixing it with pudding worked out well, and then i got tasteless protein which is a godsend to be honest because if not i wouldn't be getting the protein i need for sure. 

i'm also going to try some atkins daybreak shakes at work, maybe that will help with the protein intake, as well.

 

as for my liquids, i barely get a bottle and a half of water in a day. i know how horrible that is, i'm well aware of it!! it's just so hard, i sip and sip and keep getting a pain in my sternum and it just takes so long!!!! to drink an entire bottle of water would take me about 4-5 hours. sigh.

 

it's just becoming harder and harder and i'm becoming more and more nervous about what i'm putting in my body, what i should be eating, and if i'm actually getting healthier or just depriving myself of necessary food! 

 

 

 

 

Well, it finally happened! I got the VERTICAL SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY!

let's see, a little recap. I'll put up pictures soon enough.

It wasn't the best experience, but i feel it's important to account as much as I can in order to give a different perspective for everyone, especially for those contemplating surgery, or near their surgery date.

I was especially nervous, I had not been under anesthesia in years (since my tonsillectomy), and I was feeling especially nervous on Monday, January 14th, the day of surgery. First, they scheduled me in to register at 5:30 am, it was not until 6 am that we (we being my parents, bless their loving souls), that my surgery was not, in fact, scheduled until 10:15 am. So being early would be an understatement. I was a little upset with UMH on that account, but everyone makes mistakes. I could've been more adamant about finding out what time exactly my surgery would be at.

Moving on, the time came to go under finally. That's when it really hit me, I'm surprised I didn't cry. The last thing I remember was telling Candy (yes, that's her name), the anesthesiologist's assistant, to tell my doctor to take pictures of my stomach, unfortunately my wish was never taken seriously because I was all kinds of loopy. ha ha. 

Then I was woken up, that's when the pain started setting in. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be on the onset, but I was still feeling the effects of the drugs. A lot of things were choppy, and I don't remember many specific details, like getting to my room, or other little things. 

Here's where it got bad: I couldn't stop throwing up. I was under strict order to not drink nor eat anything, not even clear liquids at this point. I was throwing up blood constantly all of the 14th. Foamy, from dark to pale, blood. I was freaking out to say the least, internally of course, because no one else seemed to be panicking. I was then told that I had some kind of inflammation going and, and of course leftover blood from the surgery, so I just had to wait it out. It was not until the next day when I saw my surgeon that he let me know he had repaired a Hiatal Hernia near my stomach/esophagus. Well, thanks for letting me know. Let me just shit my pants for a day, right? I wasn't pleased to hear this news, but i was relieved that there was, in fact, some kind of explanation for all of this. 

Side note, for those of you getting surgery soon, my shoulders, back, and sides hurt IMMENSELY. It is all because of the air pumped into your stomach to make sure there are no leaks. But, I will not lie to you: it HURTS. it's uncomfortable, and I had a very rough time with it, I felt like I had been working out for weeks and the soreness would never go away, alas, it will go down. It is Thursday now and within two days the pain had gone down a lot, still I do feel some tightness every now and again but the more you walk the better it is.

another side note before I continue with my throw up story, WALK. It will help SO MUCH. WALK, WALK, WALK, WALK, WALK. Any chance you get, the second you are feeling up to it, even if you're not, you get up and walk around. Gown, IV line and all, trust me, it made the world of a difference. for me, at least.

 

anyway,

The blood subsided and then the morning of the 15th, I was taken in for my x ray, the horrid drinking of the Barium and checking out for leaks. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, and I did pretty well, i thought, despite throwing it up after. Yes, I continued to throw up. It was no longer blood, Barium had taken its place. The small sips of Barium I had taken early that morning lasted me until roughly 4 or 5 pm that Tuesday. It was then decided that I would have to stay another night at the hospital. This time i was feeling much better, but I understood completely the concern because of the inflammation, the throwing up, and the Hiatal Hernia stuff. 

That night I slept better, I was given some nice "help me sleep" medication, and had gone through three packs of medicine for the infammation, safe to say, I had a much better morning on Wednesday (the 16th) than the previous days. Spoke to my doctor and he said once I could hold down liquids, I should be good to go. After my barium throw ups from the previous day, I was now just spitting up clear liquid and foam, and it subsided throughout the night into the early morning. Much improvement was seen after that. They brought in some water with crystal light and some pudding and regular Dasaine water. I am not a fan for pudding so I went for the Crystal light and water, I think I got a little too excited so I ended up spitting up some of the crystal light, which was not pleasant.

Then like a sign from god, a blessing arrived. A lovely nurse brought in chicken broth, something warm. And boy, did that make my stomach, and my taste buds, feel amazing. I took it in VERY slowly, to the point where I only had roughly 5 sips and it was already cold. But, it settled so well with my stomach. My spirits were high, I had some water, and continued to have the broth bit by bit, cold and all. 

Physically, from the surgery, I was still in pain. I had five entry points on my abdomen, one through my belly button and four scattered around. i was told to shower normally and not pull anything out, it will happen on its own. God knows I could use a decent shower right about now (I showered once at the hospital, not very pleasant because I couldn't wash my hair and I was feeling woozy).

Oh the peeing, I must mention the peeing. Perhaps it's too much information, but really, is anything too much anymore? haha. At first, it was pure IV. I think I peed about one tablespoon an hour, then after about a day, it was a flood of peeing. Thank goodness, too, because I was becoming increasingly worried about that. I have yet to poop and I'm very concerned of becoming conspitated. My first appointement with the nurse practitioner is tomorrow, so I will be relaying all my concerns over to her as soon as possible.A

As for actual weight lost, I was not weighed at the hospital again, So for me, my official surgery weight is 206.8 as stated on Friday January 11th. Tomorrow I assume I will be weighed once more and i'll update that information as soon as possible, although my scale says 202, but I don't trust it all that much. 

 

What else? Ah yes, finally leaving the hospital. There is a wonderful staff at UMH, this one nurse in particular was so attentive and saw how much I loved the broth she gave me a few packets for home. I adore her. She was very supportive and very attentive throughout the entire experience. My surgeon was quite attentive as well, being a busy man and all, i was surprised to see him more than once, to be honest. 

So Wednesday, January 16th, at around 4 pm, I was discharged and wheeled out of there. Now, its Thursday and i'm learning how to do things on my own. I had some broth last night and within minutes I was too fully to continue. 

Now i'm sipping, rather slowly, on some isopure protein mango peach (tastes like cardboard, really). I woke up with an intense hunger pain, which was a clear indication that my stomach had been empty for way too long. Now, i'm learning when to stop so sipping slowly is a huge adjustment for me.

So that's my update, hope it helps some of you, and doesn't scare anyone away. Today I'm going to buy a couple compression garments to get me ready for the next month, and walking. For sure, walking!!!!!

I'll keep y'all posted soon enough! pics, too, I hope. 

 

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone that has posted on the upcoming surgery page for me, that is very sweet of all of you. I really feel the support here, even if i've only been on here just a short time.

Tomorrow is my surgery day, 5:30 AM is registration. I am beyond nervous. I keep dreaming about food, and my surgery, and my stomach. I made the horrid mistake of looking at an actual sleeve surgery last night on youtube. I know, I know, I'm a total genius. 

It will be okay!! I know it will be. I just can't wait to have something other than protein shakes all the time haha...a nice warm chicken broth would be fantastic. 

I lost maybe 2 more pounds since my last weigh in, I'll be getting weighed again tomorrow morning and post the starting weight for post-op as soon as possible.

I'm really mostly scared of the pain i'll feel, some people say it's brutal, others say it's really not that bad. My body will be the judge of that!!!! Everyone is different, really, so I can't get too caught up in what everyone says and just go with the flow. 

I would love to document my journey through a web blod I created, but i haven't posted anything yet. Once i get the balls to take pictures of myself, and to actually start posting on it ( I might just take posts from here, too and transfer them over), then i'll post up the link here!!!

Good luck to everyone getting surgery this week!! My heart, prayers, and lots of support and love go out to all of you

These past 10 days of liquid diet, and quitting smoking, and no alcohol, well, they´ve been brutal. Okay, the first few days were actually cake, then the headaches started, followed by hot flashes, cold sweats, anxiety, exhaustion, etc. Given, I work as a teacher, and my students (11th graders) have me on a roller coaster ride every single day (god bless their little monster souls); still, it really is true about having crazy symptoms, both physical and very much emotional. I'll get to the emotional part in just a bit.

Today was my scheduled "last" weigh-in before surgery. Surgery is this coming Monday! It's definitely creeping up on me real fast. I had hoped to lose the 10-15 pounds by now, but I only went from 213 to 206.8. Not exactly what I had in mind, still there are two days left and I'll be weighed at the hospital Monday morning. 

I don't really get it, though. I have no idea what went wrong. I didn't cheat a single time, not even when a friend and I went to a tequila tasting and get this I DIDN'T DRINK AT ALL! I chugged a fancy bottle of water and pretended it was a huge beer. Not to mention there were DELICIOUS appetizers flying around left and right, and no, not a single bite. It was torture. Still, even with all that effort, it didn't make much of a dent.

Today was the first day I honestly contemplated cheating, on anything really, food, drink, cigarette. I'm an emotional wreck. It doesn't help that i'm a first year teacher, and my best friend is moving to NYC a few days after my surgery, and I don't have a single person I can honestly connect with 100% at the moment. Lets face it, I feel alone.

I guess that's why I find myself writing here. I thought I would keep a physical journal (I used to write a lot), and even a webblog (still thinking about it), but something about putting my feelings out here...it just helps.

None of my friends get it, I can feel it. I can feel myself wanting to push them away. They're officially "those" people. The ones that drink, that eat, that can do anything and everything they want and i'm here on the sidelines, just watching, longing to be a part of it all. Tonight is a little VIP get-together for the group, kind of like a last hoorah for my best friends departure next week. I am honestly dreading it. There will be drinks, food, laughing, happy...I feel like i've given up so much and for what? I know there's so much on the other side, I know it's all about patience, and determination; still, I feel like an outsider. For the first time in my entire life, all because of these TRIVIAL things like food and drink, I can't enjoy myself? Who have I become? Or have I always been this way, and I just didn't know it? 

It really isn't anyone's fault but my own, I put myself here. I put myself in this position of sacrifice, and honestly, you reap what you sow. I feel, though, that because it's something so beneficial to me, so worth it in the end, so huge and can bring on such a positive outcome, that I expected people to be more sensitive to this, more open about not letting me feel left out, or marginalized, or what's worse..maybe even criticized. I'm more scared of complaining about not being able to eat or drink, and having everyone just NOT UNDERSTAND. Again, I put myself here, who am I to complain? This was a conscious decision that I did for myself and I cannot have these absurd expectations of people. What are they going to throw a no-eat-no-drink party? So I did what I could do, I've taken myself out of certain situations all together. I'm only a passerby this evening as opposed to the usual stay late, sleepover buddy. I don't talk as much about my problems, I try to keep myself ...well, for once, internalized. 

I feel I need to do this because, it's only going to get worse. After the surgery, it's going to get harder, faster, and my whirldwind of emotions is going to become a category 5 tornado. I feel it is best to rip off the bandaid now rather than later...just get it over with.

Lets see how things progress....

 

oh, p.s. I had to get an E cigarette, I thought I could do it cold turkey but I am losing my sanity...

 

 

 

So I've been on the liquid diet for almost three days now and I've already dropped a good 4 pounds. It's amazing how addicted we become to so many different things without realizing it. Just this week I've quit smoking, drinking, and pretty much eating (haha) all in one sitting. These protein shakes aren't all that bad, but I have been getting random cold sweats and hot flashes, surely it's all from withdrawals from sugar, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, etc. it's all beginning to become so real now.

I have been cranky, losing sleep, moody, and all kinds of bothered, I even imagined eating my brother's burger from wendys whilst I sipped my delicious (insert sarcasm) protein shake; still, though, my high hopes and positive attitude have not been diminished. I may not have 100% agreement from some of the people in my life, but deep down I know I have their support when the times comes, and most importantly, I'm 100% on ME now. For once in my life, I am taking my own life into my own hands!!! 

Today was my pre-op appointment, everything is set, payments are complete, last blood was drawn, and I should be getting a phonecall the 11th to set up a time for my surgery the 14th of January. 

My last weight in is the 11th. As of this morning, I am at 209 lbs. I haven't been below 200 in almost a year now so I would love to start my surgery weight below 200!!! fingers crossed!