SpeechyKeen

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

3 month follow ups revealed overall normal nutrition despite the fact I can barely eat. 

Of course they want to know why so I get to have a CT (with contrast to rule out structure. Woohoo) and a month of carafate and omeprazole. 

Then my parathyroid hormone is off the charts (112 with the normal range being 12 to 64) so I get to see endocrinology.

I'm not trying to complain. I never complain. In fact I was kind of scolded for not being in better contact with them about the tough time I was having. 

I just wish that my recovery wasn't reading like a checklist or potential complications. 

I try to focus on the 35 lbs I've lost since surgery and the 64 since starting the program. 

My three month follow up is next week and I'm still struggling with eating. 

I more or less live on lean shakes and think thin bars and then hope for the best with whatever I can try to eat. I can reliably eat 1/2 cup of chicken salad but how often could anyone eat the same thing? I estimate I'm eating somewhere around 500 calories a day. My tastes are different and I've lost all desire for red meat (which was a staple of my diet presurgery). 

Some days are better and I can eat half a turkey burger and some fruit. Some days I eat 2 bites of food and projectile vomit. 

This isn't how I expected any of this to be. 

8 days post RNY and I'm starting to feel human again. I have gone through every pair of pajama pants I own. Today I decided to put on "real clothes", which is leggings so not a huge improvement but at least it's something I would've worn presurgery. I put my jewelry back on and a splash of perfume. I felt like me again. 

I just didn't realize how exhausting it would be. 

Six days past gastric bypass surgery. Every day is a little easier but my energy level is still pretty low and it never feels like I have enough hours in the day or room in my pouch for all the water and protein. Everyday is a series of timers. Sip every 3 minutes, take a break, sip every 4 minutes, wait 30 minutes, take a bite every 5 minutes. Repeat over and over. 

 Someone brought in cookies and brownies to my morning meeting. My gluten intolerance made me lucky (for once) because I couldn't even try them. But from that moment on, I wanted a brownie. I started planning getting to one of my favorite GF bakeries after work, like an addict arranging a score. But I held fast and thought after dinner I would be fine. Nope. Brownie was on my mind. So I compromised with myself and mixed up some coconut oil, cocoa, espresso powder, eggs, and coconut flour with a little Splenda. It came out really crumbly and not at all able to be cut into squares so I put a little in a bowl with some Greek yogurt and voila.

...begins with a single step

Today I had my first (re)visit to CWC (as I truly will never spell out Center for Weight Control). I like the nurse practitioner. She's incredibly easy to talk to. I also liked how streamlined everything has become. Consult and initial bloodwork in one day and all of my tests on one day. I feel like I was constantly going in late to work or leaving early.

In talking to Martha today, it occurred to me that I'm really glad I didn't get the surgery in 2005. I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I really was just talking the talk while really believing that it would solve all my problems and magically make me happy. Now, 5 years later I *am* happy. I'm an emotionally stable, whole-within-myself person who is too young to feel so old... to huff and puff if the escalator at the train station is broken... to young to, let's face it, not have enough stamina to do my part in bed.

I came out of the office and my mom said "So you're doing lap-band, right" and I replied "Well... not exactly" and she kind of flipped out. And out poured all the misinformation---you can't have enough nutrition to carry a baby, lap-band is reversible, lap-band has the same results as bypass... and I just told her she needed to come to a information session with me. My hubby is away while his mom is hospitalized and we haven't had a chance to talk about the last few days in detail... I somehow expect that he will also need to be re-educated.

Now to be mindful of my food until May 18th, when the nutritionist will show me the way.

So, it's back to basics. Good to know that I'm not alone, though. I found this website through a support group I attended and met some younger women. It's good news. I need to do this. My weight has just spiraled out of control. I think now is probably the best time. I am married to my supportive husband, but yet don't have the full responsibility of wife and motherhood. I can still focus on me. I'm done with my masters and working now, but still have the flexibility of the company I work for.

I'm excited and nervous... and part of me feels like I'll find a way to screw this up too.

Funny thing though, I have people in my life who follow the 12 steps for addictions and when I joyfully told them about making new acquaintances who will take me to support groups and help me along the way... they said "It's like you have a sponsor" Hey. Addiction is addiction... and I'm on my way toward recovery.