spiritofjulia

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As of this morning I am down a total of 36 pounds!  I am very excited.  Weighing in at 282 I already feel so much better.  I have to keep reminding myself that there is still such a long way to go.  I honestly feel so good - I can't imagine what it will be like to be even 200 lbs or less.  I know I'm going to get there.  I just know that I'm going to feel so much better.  Its interesting for me because I am 24 years old.  I have ALWAYS been overweight/obese since puberty...so I don't really know how it is to live as a normal sized adult.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately and how when I get there it will be a big change.  It seems like the scale is moving in the right direction!  Honestly, I am most excited about the confidence I will gain - and I can't wait to start dating again!  Dating the RIGHT kind of men.  I have always felt a bit limited in my dating life because I had to stick to those men who would accept me at the size I was - the number was limited and usually they came with a lot of baggage.  I think with my confidence lacking, that also had something to do with it.  I admire those who were married when they had WLS because it would be great to have someone love me at any size.  I hope I will find that one.  I can see so many physical changes already.  I am seeing my tummy shrink slowly and when I am sitting, I look down and I can see more of my legs (they aren't so covered by my belly).  Also, my favourite jeans are falling off!  I can't wait to fit into the jeans that haven't fit for a few years!!!  There is so much happening - its so exciting!  Physically, I am feeling a bit better.  I vomited once on Friday after a meal at Jack Astor's with my cousin Sarah.  I had chicken soup and 3 shrimp.  I think I ate too fast.  This was the worst vomit yet - but it felt better after.  I think a big piece of shrimp got stuck.  I had the foamies for about 40 minutes and finally I threw up when I got home.   The worst was driving home.  It was pretty rough and I ended up with those red dots around my eyes (people are going to think I'm bulimic - and I'm not trying to be!!!  I used to have a phobia of throwing up!!!)  Anyway, I hope that I don't vomit this week.  I have to remind myself not to try too many adventurous things - perhaps eating out will have to wait a little longer!

Well I am officially 1 month post-op today!  I am down a total of 33 pounds and feeling great!  Last week was a rough week with food.  I was having some issues with vomiting - but I am glad to say that I have not tossed anything in almost a week.  I also realized that I think I'm now lactose intolerant.  I was getting this icky bloated, nauseous feeling after eating certain things.  At first I thought I had over-eaten or eaten to fast but then I realized that there was lactose in all of those meals.  I bought some lactaid and haven't tried it yet but I am going to avoid dairy for a while.  I don't know why but yogurt seems to be OK.  Anyway, I went to 2 great support group meetings this weekend.  On Saturday, I went to the Niagara Region's support group at Lorraine N's house.  She was a wonderful host and I met so many people who I've been connecting with online!  Then today (Sunday), Tammy P. hosted the Milton support group meeting where I met even more people.  It was great to see everyone and especially those who were almost or more than 1 year post-op.  I am so excited.  I go back to work tomorrow and I am nervous and excited at the same time.  I've had a full month and I know I am ready - I just hope that I can keep up my food intake so that I don't get sick or slow my weight loss.  I am still low on the protein but I am trying to get at LEAST 1 shake per day if not 2.  I know I have to increase this or else I will lose my hair!  I will say that my water intake has been fantastic.  I make sure I drink before every meal at least 1 water bottle!!! YAY WATER!  I hope I can also keep this up at work!

It has been a rough week.  I think its mostly my fault because I am trying to eat 'real food' way too soon.  In the 3.5 weeks I've had since surgery, I've really realized how addicted to food I am.  My parents had a party this past weekend and I actually tricked myself into thinking that I could eat some of the salads they were serving.  I've thrown up 3 times in the past week - the first time was because I drank a protein shake too soon after a meal (tilapia with red pepper sauce - not blended as it should have been), the second time was on 1/2 piece of rye toast (too soon for toast and ate too quickly) and the third time was on spinach salad (not a good idea).  I think that I have under-estimated just how HARD it would be to change my eating habits.  I kept thinking: "it'll be ok...I'll just eat what everyone else eats eventually but less" - this is SO not the way to think about things.  I should be thinking about the best things to eat to get all of my protein, and eating healthy, smooth foods that will be soothing to my pouch.  I'm also not getting enough exercise.  Everything I read says that I need to work out every day and I am not...being off work is great but its allowed me to get lazy.  I am actually glad to be going back next week - I know that it will be a bigger challenge with choosing the right things to eat and making time to eat, but I also think it will allow me to get into a routine that will involve exercise.  Another thing that has happened is I've had a bad reaction to milk products.  I think that the surgery has made me a bit lactose intolerant.  At this point I am very frustrated, but I am still glad I had the surgery.  I just need to get back on track and concentrate on getting all my protein, water and daily exercise.  I do hope that all of this becomes easier soon but then again I did re-arrange my entire digestive system - nobody said it would be easy.  I think I may decide to have some counseling.

Today was a good day.  I finally have most of my energy back.  I went to Mississauga and found this great store that sells sugar free products called the Sugar Free Shoppe (http://www.thesugarfreeshoppe.ca/).  I bought some Da Vinci flavoured syrup to put in coffee and protein shakes.  I also bought sugar free chocolate sauce, BBQ sauce, a sugar free cake mix and icing to go with it.  I am so excited.  Even though I can't use some of these for a while, its great!  I also did some cooking and made some great recipes including French onion soup and a great roasted red pepper fish recipe.  I made the mistake of drinking some protein drink too soon after dinner which made me vomit twice about 1/2 hour later - It was a strange sensation, I just got very uncomfortable in my pouch and was burping quite a bit, then I felt nausea around my mouth and neck and had to vomit.  I feel better now - perhaps something got stuck or it got over stuffed.  Anyway, I will remember NOT to do that again!  Otherwise, I've lost 29 lbs and am down to 289.  I feel like I still have a long way to go but I'm definitely moving in the right direction!  Although the last 2.5 weeks since my surgery have been difficult with getting all the food in, so far I am so glad I had this surgery.  I am still struggling to eat and drink enough - and am not quite getting all the protein I need, but I am going to keep working at it!

I had my 2 week check-up with Dr. Klein today.  It was a quick visit.  He checked my incisions which are all healed nicely and asked me how its going.  Apparently the watery diarrhea I've been having is normal on the liquid stage and should work itself out with the pureed phase as I get more normal food in me.  I had my first 'puree' meal tonight and it was so yummy!!!  I blended a small bit of chicken breast with 1 tbsp of miracle whip and a small chunk of cheese and ate 2 tbsp on crackers (crackers are an exception because they melt in your mouth).  IT WAS AMAZING.  I also had a pureed peach which was very tasty!!!  Everything went down very well and I'm grateful for that!  I am so happy to be able to try new foods now pureed and also that I'll be eating a little bit more during this stage...AND because of the increase in food protein, I only need to have 1 protein shake per day!!! HALLELUIJAH!!!

Things are going well so far that I am home.  I am able to do most things - walking around isn't a problem and I've not taken any pain medication since I was in the hospital.  The biggest challenge for me so far (and something I underestimated before the surgery) has been the eating.  I have NO appetite and I have to get these small portions in.  I have difficulty adding protein powder to my food because even the "no taste" stuff tastes awful!  I am trying to remember to drink all my water, to eat the right "meals" and to get all my protein but the whole process is overwhelming.  I find it frustrating to sit with a meal for over 1 hour.  I am sure that it will get easier.

One thing I've also noticed is my obsession with food (I always knew it was there but didn't know just how powerful it was until now).  Everywhere you turn there is food - pictures of food on TV are out of control!  Anyway, I am hoping that in time I'll be able to get a hold of this head hunger!!!

Well I am back and finally able to sit down to write this post.  My surgery went very well.  Here's my recollection of the 'whirlwind' experience' (I still can't believe I'm post op now other than the lap. incisions and the gas pain!)

On Friday I arrived at the Humber River Regional hospital at 9:30am.  I was registered quickly and immediately taken in to change into my gown, cap and booties.  They did have an oversized gown for me.  I was grateful for this.  I was then asked to sit in the pre-op waiting room until the nurse called me.  About 10 minutes later the nurse came in and called me into her office to ask me a long questionnaire, take my blood pressure and pulse.  I was getting nervous but it was a calm anxiety.  After my meeting with the nurse was over, I was asked to go back into the waiting area and wait to be called down to surgery.  This was the hardest part of the morning because I was waiting for close to 2 hours.  I guess that they were running late for the 11:30am shift!  I had my parents with me which was great.  I also had brought a diskman with some calming music which helped me to relax.

When I was finally called down with 3 other men, I felt a little more nervous but was OK.  I was taken into the surgery waiting room which was a little smaller, so I had to have my parents take turns waiting with me.  Here, Dr. Klein came out and quickly said hello.  I told him I was nervous and he said he was glad - he'd be concerned if I wasn't.  Then a nurse came out to meet with me and verify that I had signed the consent form and the procedure had been explained to me.  I said yes and she told me they were just cleaning up the operating room and it would be about 1/2 hour.  We had a laugh at this point (the 3 other male patients waiting to go into surgery and myself).  The TV in the waiting area was tuned into the Food Network.  It was about 12:30 and none of us had eaten since the night before.  We finally asked the nurse to change the channel.

20 minutes later the nurse brought me into the OR.  Everything was prepped and she told me not to touch anything because it was sterile (I was thinking - "ya lady, I was just about to go lifting up all the blue sheets to see the instruments that are going to be used on my insides!" I just thought it was a funny comment)  She helped me to crawl up onto the operating table.  There was another nurse inside the OR who was very bitchy.  She was bitching at the nurse who brought me in and telling her what to do.  I found the whole situation a little surreal.  I just continued to take deep breaths.  I crawled up and positioned myself on the table how they wanted and they put a warm blanket on my and put my feet into these jelly things and started to strap my legs on so that I didn't fall off.  The bitchy nurse called the anesthesiologist and he came in promptly.  I told him I was nervous and that it might be hard to find a vein.  He was South African and told me not to worry that he was the best in the world.  I had a chuckle and just as that was happening he was able to get the IV in.  He had me bend my head back and open it and I guess he figured my throat was wide enough to put the tube in after I was under.  He then put me to sleep.  I remember him saying have a nice sleep 2-3 times and everything went black.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room.  I was in a mild amount of pain and very disoriented.  Dr. Klein came over and told me everything went well and that he had talked to my parents - or was going to - I'm not sure - I was so blurry.  Then I kept trying to pull off the oxygen mask that was on my face.  It was bothering me and the nurse kept telling me to keep it on because my blood pressure would go up when I had it off.  I remember that a lot of noise was going on around me and they were talking about having rooms ready.  They must have already put me on the bed that would be in my room because after a few minutes I recall being transported upstairs.  I kept trying to tell people that I was in pain (it wasn't great I think I was just disoriented and could feel mild pain in my tummy).  I felt like nobody was hearing me - the people who were transporting me into my room were just laughing and talking with one another.  Finally I saw my mom and I was brought into my hospital room.  The nurse came in and I told her I was in pain.  She listened and I guess brought me some morphine because I remember the pain subsiding after that.

The rest of that afternoon/evening was pretty much a blur.  My parents just sat in the room with me as I drifted in and out of consciousness.  Eventually my sister visited me and brought flowers, and later my good friend Melanie.  My parents told me that Dr. Klein had come and spent about 15 minutes speaking to them after the surgery. 

I remember my mouth being really dry and wanting to suck on those throat swabs to get any water I could.  The nurse kept telling me not to but all I wanted was a glass of ice water!  I probably swallowed a bit which was not allowed but I couldn't help it.  I also remember wanting to get up and walk and being told not to because I wasn't supposed to use my stomach muscles.  If I wanted to go to the washroom I had to tell my nurse.  They made me pee into a white measuring cup to make sure that I was OK.  the pee was green for about a day because of the dye that went into my mouth.

The next day in the hospital was great.  I was feeling OK (as long as the meds didn't wear off) and they took me off the IV because I was drinking water and eventually eating jello and applesauce.  I got quite a bit in and was thinking that I was doing so well.  I felt like leaving and I was up walking quite frequently.  I had a few visitors which was nice too.  Dr. Klein came to see me and he looked HOT in his 'Saturday street clothes'.  He is a hot young doctor.  He said I did great and that I didn't lose an ounce of blood during the surgery.  He checked my tummy and pushed on it a bit which was uncomfortable.  Then he told me he'd call in tomorrow and check my blood work and if everything looked good, I could go home.

Sunday (yesterday and the day that I was discharged) was NOT a good day.  I was brought my first "Full fluids" meal and was so excited because the liquids had gone down so easily.  I had about 1/2 a cup of cream of wheat, 1 cup of milk and a few bites of applesauce.  Apparently, I made 2 mistakes 1) I ate way too much too quickly and 2) I laid down for a nap about 20 mins after eating.  BOY did I pay for it the rest of the day.  I was nauseated after waking up from my nap and was pale and felt like I was going to be sick.  The nurses gave me a shot of gravol in my bum but it really didn't do much.  I threw up a little bit of what looked like white foam (likely the milk) and felt a little better after.  I went home  because that was the plan but I spent the rest of the day in agony.  I tried to get some meds down but they wouldn't stay - I just threw them all up.  I tried sucking on a pepto bismol but it just made things worse.  I drank some water and later that afternoon I threw up quite a bit - likely my whole breakfast.  I couldn't get comfortable in any position and I felt like I was literally dying the gas pains were so bad.  By the evening I was able to keep water down and sleep in a recliner for a while until the gas pains would worsen.  I found walking and gently rubbing my tummy (being careful of the 5 lap incisions) helped a bit.  I was able to sleep on and off last night and get up to take some water every once in a while.  After yesterday, I know that I am going to avoid milk like the plague for a while.  I also know the importance of sticking to the dietician's eating guidelines rather than trying to get as much in until it hurts...not a good idea.

Today I am feeling better.  I'll probably try to stick to water and clear fluids today to give my system a rest and then start the full fluids again tomorrow and pray for the best.  Walking is helping but I have realized that this will be a long road.  I'll update again soon.  Thank you so much for all your support!!!

I posted my before pics in the photos

day 6 of 14 of pre-op diet and everything is going well. I still have not cheated nor have I felt hungry! My total weight loss has been 8lbs. I am getting anxious about the surgery. I was depressed last night because I spent some time looking at photos for plastic surgery. I know that I will need plastic surgery once I lose the weight and I just didn't realize that there will be so much scarring. I hope that since I am young (24) that my skin will bounce back a little. I still think I am going to need my stomach and breasts done as well as my arms and possibly thighs. I know I'm getting ahead of myself I guess I am just excited. I should just focus on the surgery which is a week from Friday! 8 more days!! Wow.

day 3 of 14 of pre-op diet. The pre-op diet is going well so far. I have stuck to it religiously in order to shrink my liver and I've lost 4 lbs!!! My favourite meal was last night's dinner. I had a hamburger (no bun) with steamed broccoli & cauliflower sprinkled with a bit of low fat cheese. It was delicious. I am drinking lots of water and crystal light. I haven't been hungry at all - the hardest part is seeing the yummy junk food that I like and craving popcorn but I won't give in! I know how important this is and I just keep telling myself that "nothing tastes as good as thin feels".