thebabyrabbit
1990 came and so did another baby and more weight came too. I was pregnant everyone loves a fat pregnant lady! In 1992 I became a waitress, I loved my job that is what I was meant to be. I experienced a lot of discrimination and tried not to let it get me down. People didn’t tip me very well. My husband and I had a lot of financial problems and there was a lot of stress in the house and that didn’t help matters but when I did lose a bunch of weight they treated me very well the tips were coming in. I often thought to myself why didn’t they treat me that way when I was big I was still the same person inside. There are some things you just never forget! The years passed and the weighed stayed I tried everything even starving and walking once again nothing worked. By this time it’s late November 1997 and I couldn’t take it anymore so I went to see my family physician for help weighing in at 234 lbs. He prescribed Obenix for me, he told me to drink lots of water, eat low fat foods and walk. I did everything he said to do and the weight began to come off I do not credit my weight loss to the Obenix yes, I took it but it really didn’t help. I worked so hard everyone in my house was miserable but me. I continued to walk exercise and basically starve myself. I stayed active doing everything I could until bedtime I would weigh in each month at the doctors office. I was happy the weight was coming off and I felt great. I was cutting the grass, swimming, I wasn’t winded anymore, and I could even do cartwheels that was the healthiest I’d been in a long time. I lost a total of 80 lbs. I can even remember so well that when I was sleeping I would wake up touching my body making sure the weight had not returned too me. Little by little I began to gain the weight it was back with vengeance in 4 years I put it all back on. I was so disappointed in myself. I have beat myself up time and time again and I still do.
By this time it’s 2002. I moved to South Carolina and I was very depressed and down on myself so I tried to pick myself up once again and I joined Curves for Women in January 2003. Weighing in at 209. I would lose a little bit for a while and in the end it came back to me as if it missed me. I hate being fat; I hated myself and everyone around me, if I was going to be miserable they were too! I am now 43 years old and feel as if I am 65. I’m at my heaviest weight ever 265. I can’t believe I typed it down but it’s my reality. My legs hurt, my feet feel as if they have needles in the bottom of them when I walk, my knees ache when I get up! Both my Momma and Grandma have had knee replacement I’m not about to let that happen to me! My blood pressure has started to rise but most of all my heartaches and my spirit is broken.
My hubby is wonderful and supports me but still loves the fat girl too. My remark to that was” I Don’t Love Me”! My Momma is with me 100% she’s my biggest fan. That makes me lucky women! I am so blessed. Health, Happiness, Faith, Family, and love are all that matters in the end. I cant wait for my weight loss and new life to begin I’m walking more everyday I’m so ready to live again I’m tired of fighting this beast alone! I’ve cried a million tears all because I am a failure with my own body. I am educating myself on both surgeries I have read everything I can get my hands on. Weight loss stories are very informative too and they give me hope and make me see I am not alone anymore. I even joined Obesityhelp.com All the stories sound just like mine. It’s amazing how many people are miserable with themselves. It’s a sad life and a lonely world one that I want to correct before I leave this earth. These procedures are a tool to help me through my journey and you better be ready to give up a lot. I’m ready! My life is not of any quality like it is I can’t do the things I desire I hide behind the fat because I am no longer comfortable in my own skin that’s just not living! Only another obese person could understand what I’m going through.
I have a lot of depression due to my obesity I see a psychiatrist for this. It’s my turn to do something for me I am tired of this struggle I have raised 2 wonderful children I have helped a lot of people when I couldn’t help myself. I know the surgery will not solve the problems in my life happiness comes from within.
It’s amazing how much hope I have now for the first time in a long time I am excited about my future due to medical technology. I find myself dreaming again of the things to come for me. Maybe I’ll go back to waitressing that would be so great for me, maybe I won’t be afraid to be photographed, maybe I’ll go swimming again, maybe I’ll enjoy being around others, maybe I’ll be free again, maybe my health will be better. Wow it’s so nice to dream.
I must admit I’m a little scared of going under the knife. Isn’t everyone? I have a lot of people to aggregate and a lot of living to do! :>) I have faith in all this and that will carry me through. God is good. I guess you people think I’m crazy after reading all this. Guess what I am! :>) I have a lot of hope now and I even have a sparkle in my eye again. Making this decision was hard for me and I didn’t think it up overnight, I know I’ll be giving up a lot and have a whole new way of living and thinking the sacrifices I make will be good in the end, maybe I’ll be an inspiration to someone else that is lost their way in life. This letter has been very therapeutic for me it feels so good to release my hopes, fears, past and to dream again. Just writing down my weight for all to see is an accomplishment for me. I don’t know one big women alive that would ever tell her weight much less write it down She will lie first and then she will go back to being sad because someone stirred all that up inside her once again. I tell you the demon of obesity never leaves he’s always lurking around to jump on his prey with this surgery I’m going to try to beat him at his own game!
Obesity robs so much from a person your health begins to go, your self-esteem is diminished, and you no longer care about yourself and feel defeated. I’m not looking to be skinny or think this is a quick fix this is an all over life style change and I am so ready to love, laugh and live again isn’t that what everyone wants from life! . I want to have a productive life and good health I’m even looking forward to quit smoking. The Lap Band or the Gastric Bypass is not something I want to do it’s something I have to do in order to begin my life again. I have a lot of catching up to do!
Okay I have rambled on enough about all this now I just want to thank God for spell check! I have enclosed some pictures of me through the years of my obesity. Don’t let the smiles fool you. Consider me for surgery and help me save my life. I think I*m worth saving!
Lets go back to July 1983, that’s when I married I lived in Virginia I only weighed 167 which was a good weight for me. I began to gain weight immediately and then I discovered in February 1984 my first baby was conceived and I gained 40lbs during my pregnancy. I guess that’s really when my self esteem problem started I remember vividly how disappointed I was in myself it was very dishearten. I dieted, walked, exercised and attended T.O.P.S after my baby was born I was raising a family and I guess I started to forget all about me as many women do!
I have been in an out of Curves for Women for many years. I have dieted and worked out so many times since my weight loss. I have walked a million miles on my treadmill I even found shoe dust at the end of my treadmill; I have burned 4 treadmills up in the last ten years. I’ve worked out with friends and at Curves, I’ve tried to ride a bicycle, I have drunk enough water to float a boat in I have starved myself over and over again and I have been so mean to the people that I love because of my misery. I’ve bought every over the counter pill there is, I’ve tried cabbage diets, fruit diets, south beach diets, low fat diets and currently I’m on alli and walking. If I had dollar for all I’ve spent I could pay for this surgery myself. I have fought a good fight I can’t do it alone anymore and pills just don’t work for me I need reinforcement this time. HELP!
“I treasure all the experiences I’ve had in my life even the battles, tears and pain. Each experience in my life has been absolutely necessary in order to have gotten me to the next place and the next up until this very moment."
