Kate M.
I've lost my edge
Mar 18, 2015
Last summer through the fall I feel like I had my head in the game, in it to win it as they say, ready to rock it. After so many delays and coming to 3 years since my first referral I simply don't give one flying fuck any more. My scope is in a week and then in three weeks the surgeon, AGAIN, for the third time. I tried to get it sooner but this appt could have been even longer away if they hadn't taken pity on me, so I am meant to be counting my blessings. THEN once I get the scope if I have any ulcers or h pylori it's more time waiting while I take medicine, then another god knows how long wait to get a follow up scope.
I am not eating right, I am not going to the gym. I am feeling very depressed and defeated and sick of all the waiting. So many things are on hold until this stupid surgery happens. They could have sent me out for the scope MONTHS ago and didn't because god forbid we use our time efficiently. I have stopped caring about this process because I feel like until it ACTUALLY happens, I am not accountable. It just feels like the hard work I did meant nothing because I am already back up to my high weight after a short period of not gunning hard at the gym and severely limiting my intake.
I know this is incorrect. I know I need to get my head back in the game. I know I am being a whiny baby. But I also am just tired and I want my life back. Three years of this nonsense and literally nothing to show for it. UGH. I know that everyone has to wait and there's no controlling it or changing it. But I am tired and it feels like it's never going to happen.
