Wendy's Happiness!
Hi all! Here's my story...
I'm 34, and have pretty much been overweight all my life. Not this much overweight though...currently at 320, I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and so ashamed to say so. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Sometimes I wonder (sometimes??? ALL THE TIME) how the you-know-what (I curse like a truck driver, but don't want to offend ones that don't!) I got to be this big. And where the hell did this roll, that roll, come from? My life was filled with "oh, you have such a great personality, and such a beautiful face"...thank you very little. I've always wanted the body to match, so hopefully with this surgery, it will happen!
Parents divorced when I was 2 and a half, mom took me to Manasquan to live with her parents, my grandparents. My grandmother was a large woman, and suffered for it, with diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, irritable bowel, knee pain, back pain, all over pain, etc., taking medications for anything and everything. She carried physical pain and mental pain...I can remember going out to restaurants with my grandma, grandpa, and my mom, and having to sit at a table because my grandma couldn't fit in the booth. I didn't understand it back then because I was so young, but I soooo understand it now because I go through this now. If hubby and I go to a restaurant, I always ask for a table, or if I can see what the booths look like and can tell that I will fit, then we'll sit in the booth. Most recently, I took my husband out for his birthday to a very nice restaurant...they only had tables, BUT also only had chairs with arms. Don't restaurant owners realize that all people are not 100 lbs??? I was too embarassed to say anything, so I squeeeeeeeezed my big ole hips into the chair, painfully I might add, and dealt with it. When I got home, OMG, there were the worst bruises on my thighs, and indentations. I showed my husband, and he felt so bad.
Although I loved my grandma very much, she was known to have a sharp tongue at times. Constructive criticism she called it. She would often tell me that I had "fat knees", but in the next breath, tell me how pretty I was. Things like "are you sure you want to eat that?" and very mean things like "you're getting as big as a house". But when I was younger, she would make me sit at the dining room table and eat every last bite off my plate...if I didn't, she would make me sit there the entire night, and when it was time for me to go to bed, she would wrap it up and give it to me the next night, with that night's dinner. That continued until I started throwing food behind the dining room furniture...hey, I was young! My mom wasn't aware that it was happening, she was working at night. Maybe her (my grandmother) saying those things were her way of scaring me into not being fat? Maybe she didn't want me to go through what she went through, and felt like if she said these things, that I would go the opposite way and be thin? Who knows.
All my life, I've been on one diet or another. I lost the most weight when I was on phen-fen...although I only took one of those, the one that didn't cause the heart problems (thank goodness!), and looked GOOD! I wasn't a size 6 or anything, but was able to fit into a L or XL at NY&Co, which was a good thing! Was able to exercise without issues, without pain. But then, I had to discontinue taking it, and BOOM, the weight came right back on, and then some.
I met my husband James in 1990...we started dating and got married in 1997. He is the love of my life, although at times, I'd like to hang him up by his toes (but that's another story!). James is normal weight, if there is such a thing! I can remember back when we were dating, people (mainly strangers we would meet from time to time, never our friends) who were so ignorant would say things openly to us such as "wow, I can't believe you guys are dating...isn't she too big for you?", and the like. It's amazing how cruel people can be and not even know it.
Seven months after we were married, I was in a car accident, and ended up being in physical therapy for a year, and having 3 steroid cortisone shots to the lower back for bulging discs as a result of the accident. Ever since then, due to lack of being able to exercise because of back pain, as well as depression, I ate and ate and ate, not thinking of the consequences. That's not to say that I didn't join a gym or two at sometime along the way, or join Weight Watchers, or do Atkins, Slimfast, Fit America, Scan Diet, etc. etc. The self-control just isn't there.
I originally looked into having the surgery back in 2001 (I think that's the year), after Carney Wilson came out and said she had it. Picked a surgeon, did the tests, and was just waiting for insurance approval when Al Roker came out and said he had it, and 1 in 200 die on the table. Well, that's all my mom (I'm an only child, so you can just imagine how that conversation went!) and hubby had to hear...I heard it from both, and subsequently, was forced to cancel surgery, only to try diet and exercise again. Futile.
Now, I've been very lucky in that I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, any other co-morbidities. The only thing I have, which just started this year, is pain in my knees and feet after a long day of walking. And I could do without the shortness of breath from simple walking. I could kill my husband for buying a condo on the 3rd floor...those stairs after a long day are a KILLER! I feel like I'm going to pass out by the time I'm on the first landing. Also, with my job, I'm walking around properties everyday, so by the time I get home (and usually earlier), my poor feet are soooo swollen, and all I want to do is sit on the couch for the rest of the night.
I've never been the type of person to not leave the house or not go somewhere because I'm overweight...my personality doesn't let that happen! And let me tell you, no one would know unless I told them that I wasn't happy with my weight. But I never feel comfortable in my own skin.
When I saw the ad in the paper this past April for a symposium at NJ Bariatrics with Dr. Brolin, and my friend's hair stylist had WLS by him and was very successful with it, I said hey, what the heck? Can I tell you that it had to be the first time ever that I felt comfortable in a room filled with people? People like me, overweight. For once, I didn't have to suck in my stomach! And who would have thought that the surgeon himself would be doing the presentation! It was so informative, and he had a lengthly Q&A session afterwards. And he prefaced it with saying that you don't have to choose him as your surgeon, rather he's going to explain to you what you need to look for in a surgeon (board certified), what to expect, and what you're going to go through. He also has a support group, Lighter Reflections, that gets together every month in Monmouth Junction/Princeton for pre-ops and post-ops. Needless to say after much research, after the symposium, and after going to one of the support groups, I scheduled a consultation. The rest will be history, as I'm scheduled for Monday, August 29 for an RNY!
When I told my mom that I was going to go for the surgery, she of course freaked. But I took her to the support group with me, and afterwards, she totally understood and has been my biggest cheerleader! She's my sunshine, and I love her so much! We're a lot like best friends, we hang out every Sunday and go to breakfast, shopping, etc., it's great!
Hubby was another story. He was TOTALLY against it. I'm under his insurance, and he even said "I'm going to call my insurance company and tell them to deny you"! Then, I got the "you're going to get all skinny, and meet someone, and start cheating on me, and leave me". Not to mention "why can't you just diet and exercise?". Hmmm, I've been with you for 15 years, has it worked yet? I would have thought that he would be all for it, especially since there have been times where he has said such things as "hey, you should diet", or "are you going to start going back to the gym ever", or when we would argue about something totally different, he would just come flat out and tell me that I'm fat. But this time, I wasn't going to listen to him...I was getting the surgery no matter what. I feel as if I continue on the path that I'm on, and don't get the surgery, that I'm only going to get heavier and heavier, and the co-morbidities are right around the corner. Slowly but surely, he came around and now supports me, thankfully, because I'm going to need his help for the rest of my life!
Well everyone, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!!
Wish me luck! And my best wishes to all pre-ops and post-ops!
Take care!
Hugs!
Wendy
