TMI and Probably TMI

Aug 03, 2009

Not a good day emotionally. Food wise I didn't eat much and didn't track my food but I did get in a fast walk. Our new neighbor came by at 8pm to pick me up and I managed to keep up with her. Granted she probably slowed WAY down for me but she probably weighs 150 so I was proud of myself. I started my period today after not having one for 4 months. I guess that's a good sign that the weight loss has helped my body. It sucks though because I was enjoying the cramp free months.

I have strongly felt the desire lately to be in a relationship. I know I should wait till I've worked on myself, etc, etc, but it seems like it would be nice. And I can't help but think if I found a guy who could love me at this weight and throughout the journey... wow... what a keeper. But in the past when I was doing well with my eating I would start dating a guy and everything would get messed up. I'm also afraid I would use the male attention as a filler for not being able to overeat. I've done that in the past too. This post today really got me thinking because I was this girl a few years ago. You can read it here if you have the time.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/3992153/MEN-AND-SEX-HELP/

It made me sad because I don't ever want to do things like that again. I think whatever someone feels comfortable with sexually is their thing but for me sex on the first date was "look how fun and awesome I am... please like me." Uggh. I feel sick when I think about it and I want to be in a relationship that doesn't start with sex. Anyway, don't know where all this is going. I guess I'm just afraid I'll meet another crappy guy. I just feel sad sometimes when I read about people's husbands on here and how supportive they are and I wish I had that relationship. Okay, so probably more than you cared to know about me but it's the truth.

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