yes4Jess

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 ..and what a long way we've come baby!

Let's see...  Currently I am about 205 pounds and wearing a size 12 jeans and mostly L shirts, some mediums if I want fitted.
My tummy can pretty much handle anything now...FINALLY except I still have to be careful about chicken and eggs.
I havent puked in at least 3 months thankfully. LOL

I've been running, I did a 5k in February and ran/walked it.  Since then I've ran 2 miles without having to walk at all...amazing.
The most amazing thing is my fearlessness though!  I bought skates and I'm training with the local roller derby team. I WILL bea  derby girl!  I am very average size in the crowd too...it's VERY odd.  The coach seemed concerned that I could still be losing and might be "too small" at some point. LMAO It's like I'm in an alternate universe!!!  I am in LOVE with the derby even though I've never hurt so bad in my life! There is no workout that compares to skating and learning to fall....aka throwing yourself at the ground for 2 hours. It's FUN. It makes me feel empowered and tough like nothing can stop me.

I lost my job a month ago but I'm ok and I KNOW I will find another SOON. I got an apartment for my kids and I!!!  I get my keys in 1 week from today!!!  This is a BIG HUGE deal as it's the first time since my separation a few years ago that I'll be on my own (with my kids of course). I will actually miss living with my mother in a lot of ways but also there are things that will be MUCH better not living here AND I know it's good for me.  We are moving bout 12 miles away to another city technically and I will be driving my kids to their old school for the last 2 months of the school year....boy do I hope my vehicle can handle it!

I am SO SO SO busy ALL the time it's hard to imagine when I can fit in working a full time job....but I know I'll figure it out.
I usually feel good these days, tired with pretty low iron but still good overall.

I want to blog so badly so I dont know why I dont keep it up! I guess it's just one of those things that gets lost in the shuffle sometimes.



I dont think this is a very good comparison pic me wearing the DARK before you cant tell how much bigger I was but I promise it is a big difference.

I posted pics in an album on here maybe those show it better!

:) YAY It's so great to be able to be seated ANYWHERE and never have to worry about not fitting. It's WEIRD to go clothes shopping with friends and not be able to try on anything because those store only go down to a size 16....which is WAY too big.... sooo weird.... I am NOT used to it but I AM hapy about it. 

Well, I am fighting my 2nd go 'round with bladder and kidney infections but this seems to be due to me being dehydrated. I can drink TONS anf still be dehydrated....I can see my need for fluids is SO SO high that I should never stop drinking and THAT is hard.   I am happy to report that I can drink water just fine once more.... I do better with bottled water but I can pretty much down it.   Eating is really up and down...I do fine for a while, eat tons and then eat barely anything and have terrible reflux at other times.  My weight is barly moving.   I once saw 222 but it bounced back to 225-227 right away and today it was 230 even! This last month I lost between 2-5 pounds....seems sad  except that I DID go down another size in clothes so it's hard to be too upset.  I know I'm looking really good lately...and feeling great too!

I ate crab legs for dinner... 1.5 pounds and half a stick of butter..no joke. LOL  I overate though and felt really awful for about an hour and now I am fine.  I had barely eaten today and I got a little too excited and ate too fast....no more of that!!! It's fine though and Im glad I finally got my crab legs!

I  am going to Denmark this summer and I am SO excited!!! I just cannot wait to go.  I am SUPER busy though these days and I need to fin the time to squish in another part time job so that this trip will be possible! lol  Overall life is good.  I get TONS of male attention and the men already in my life trreat me a lot differently... its odd!!!  I fond they are sometimes falling all over themselves doing thigns for me....reallly amusing in a way. A lot fo other people jsut forgot that I was ever fat....isnt that weird? LOL Its not like this was years ago! My drivers license pic is unrecognizable....really.

Well, off to chug some more water and pop some more vites.  *peace*

Sorry I missed one.  In another stall I guess 2 weeks no weight change and Ive aqctually gained inches... have been working out..only thing I can think of.

Feel pretty terrible sadly... I am anemic and weak and tired...  have stupid yeast infection kicked my ass.  My new iron pills seem to absorb better but I think between the fact that they dont bind me up anymore and thwe fact that I ate some fruit....OMG  bathroom issues..... blah  I've been having those stupid newbie "my DS is broken" panic attacks.   Afraid I will be stuck at this weight and never see onderland....but I know Im probably just being silly....I mean how could me DS have stopped working and Im jsut 3 months post op LOL nahhh it'll be ok maybe my weight loss week is next week.

well, due to my crankiness and sch I havent wanted to post.  I feel like I am always sick to my stomach, eating more then before which is both good and not good.  STRUGGLING with fluids....badly struggling...wow... so bad.  so bad. so bad.  Im trying really hard.

Well, What can I say?  I cleaned up my eating after the holidays almost to a text book degree here.  I feel better every single day.  I LOVE living life.  I feel more a part of life than I have in MANY MANY years. Everything looks different to me now.
I joined a gym on Monday and have been working out every day. I was working out every day before that too..or ALMOST every day but having the gym to go to is really helpful because I know I will maximize my workouts and get is better shape. I also get to tan now....  something I've always been against and lectured others on so now I'm getting some flack quite rightly!  I dont have much excuse here other than to say that Im TIRED or looking tired and pale....its WARM in there! OH SO WARM!!!   and its free vitamin D.... Psshhh  Im all over it.

The working out regularly has done EXACTLY what I had hoped for....I am not weak or physically fragile feeling anymore, FINALLY.  I've been losing weight like crazy all of a sudden 1-2 pounds a day and I KNOW I need to stop the daily weighing but its SO FUN!

Im swimming every Saturday, rollerskating every Sunday, working out 3/4 days during the week and LIVING LIFE, LOVING LIFE.  I am even ready to tackle the world to find a way tog et my BF here darnit !!!

well, I've considered myself plain "obese" for a week since my BMI was 40.0 but I suppose yesterday it became official. It is now 39.6 and I have 88 pounds to go to "normal"

Life has been mostly good, always drama due to my family but I think my positive outlook just makes everything
much better for ME than it could be.

I spent NYE playing games and hanging out with my kids and one of their friends. We had fun!  I made crab rangoons
and even was able to go out and buy the awesome red sweet&sour from our favorite chinese place. They sold me this HUGE container of it for $3....awesome!!!!

My mom said "this year sucked but next year is going to be a lot worse" I was puzzled I guess since in MY mind next year is going to be WONDERFUL.... it HAS to be and then I guess I realized that it's all in how you look at things.  I understand that she is depressed because we are losing our house in 5-6 months now...yes it sucks and yes it'll be hard on me too but it is what it is.  I see it just as an inevitable thing and then the possibilities of what will happen to me because of it.  I expect to get a good job this year...soon!  I expect to get my OWN apartment for the kids and I. I expect to get a divorce officially. I expect to work my butt off doing anything possible to make it that NEXT Christmas I can bring my boyfriend here to spend it with us.  It's all a bunch of opportunities in life and I'm moving forward!  I expect to become NORMAL weight this year and be the healthiest I've ever been.  I expect some days to be tough but overall I expect to be happy...  :)

You know I've found that really miserable people HATE happy people.... I used to think I could spread the positive thing but its not possible because some people are just super unhappy even if nothing is wrong...they are always looking for things to be miserable about.  For some reason I bet there are a lot LESS people on OH like that then in the real world because I think it would take someone with a positive vision for their life to be able to make the decision to change their body drastically.  well, I might be rambling since I'm not fully awake yet.

ANyway, Peace&Love, Happy New Year to all. I wish us all health and happiness and the abilities to enjoy the little things in life.

well, I had a TERRIBLE day personally but I'm going to let tht go for the sake of this blog.

The great thigns are that I am feeling pretty damned confident eating and doing a great job keeping up the shakes and foods to get in what I need lately. I am also doing GREAT with fluids! I am still EXHAUSTED all the time and draggin' ass but I feel
happy inside of myself, content.  My weight is dropping again.  I jut started my period AGAIN...........after FINALLY stopping
for almost a whole week....*sigh*  I've been on it almost non stop for 2 months...its light but steady and CRAMPY. I assume its hormones dumping from my system with the fat causing this but I did also get an IUD 2 weeks post surgery so it could be a combination.

Today I bought myself a pair of tennis shoes. I didnt have a pair. Ive been wearing giant combat boots and crocs forEVER and they are all too big on me and cause me a lot of pain when I walk around. So...my new shoes are 2.5 sizes smaller then my old ones...thats mind blowing!!!!!!  really!  I bought new bras too and ya know...I feel like a got a boob job...OHHH YEA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!  LMAO

things are good.... yes. got an electric blanket and its jsut getting better all the time.

well, back to not being able to eat very well....and throwing up again too....I think it would be WISE if I stopped trying to
eat chicken and fish...but I cant really live without them forever!  I have been having 4 protein drinks a day and struggling to get in enough fluids. Christmas is tomorrow and I havent been able to clean this week due to my guts not behaving! :(  today I have no choice.  CLEAN CLEAN I must!

I have a package of thick cut bacon in my oven and the scent is heavy in the air!  I am glad that I can eat bacon now at least.
I am tolerating fat better for the most part. I MUST get my Dr to help me find a better way to manage my reflux I believe its causing my illness and puking.  Tomorrow I will be making egg McMuffins for my family..it's a Christmas tradition.  This will be our families last year in this house.... it's sort fo bitter sweet. It's been a lot fo good years that we have been having our holidays here.  We are losing the house and have to be out by June so we KNOW this is the last year.  The weird thing is not knowing where I will be living by this time next year!  I do try to look at it in a positive light though. I know that many new and wonderful things will change for me in 2011.  I made all of my 2010 goals. My 2011 goals are just as huge and also doable. Goals, new/good job, my own place to live with my kids, making my divorce legal (have to have new job with benefits), LOTS of exercise and getting in shape, running my first 5k in May, and praying for a way to take a trip to Denmark OR have him able to come here.  I want to spend next Christmas with my man so badly.  I dont know if I could deal with 3 in a row like this....ugh.  too much distance!  its good that he and I are able to see the positive aspects and dwell on them most often.

well,  my weight loss has sort of stopped again for 5 days but I cant complain too much I lost about 12ish pounds the week before.  I wish it would keep going!  I AM still shrinking though as my brand new size 18's are already getting baggy in the butt and...well everywhere except the waist.

SPEAKING of my huge waist... I am on a mission to fix this.  I am beginning daily crunches as SUPPOSEDLY this is the easiest place to lose weight from.... ;)

10 weeks now...  my tummy seems all better now! I can eat how Im supposed to FINALLY...including BACON!

I havent actually weighed myself in a few days...funny enough I jsut keep forgetting. lol I dont think its moved any more BUT I did manage to lose 10 pounds this past week and I am So glad!

Tonight I went roller skating for the first time in 15 years and I am SO PROUD of myself!!!!  I skated the whole 2 hours even though rental skates SUCK ASS, and I also didnt realize how much I was gonna HURT. LOL  I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. HURRAY!   My life is a million times better than 100 pounds ago and EVERYONE around me is noticing. I feel alive again!

I ate a LOT today... not all perfect food... seems odd.  Im sure I didnt over eat since thats impossible but for ME I ate a lot today...seems odd.  I also got a lot fo exercise and I am not WAY too tired to keep typing so I will be PASSING OUT after gagging down my last set of calciums for the day!

PEACE, LOVE and PURE JOY!

It didnt move for 6 weeks and this past week it's been jumping down! woohoo

this morning I weighed 248 with my jammies on... thats a pound a day this week give or take
and I am SUPER excited and PRAY this means It's going to keep going for a bit. I deserve it right?
6 weeks of nothing was pretty depressing.  :)

will be gone all day/night watching the roller derby and christmas shopping. I hope to join the roller derby
next year *fingers crossed* I hope I can be tough and bad ass....   I wonder if it's normal though to feel wimpier the skinnier you get? I am nowhere near skinny and I feel like Im much easier to knock down already...I USED to be a wall. LOL
I'm beginning my workouts now so maybe that will help. LOL

FINALLY!!!!!!!  over 6 weeks of NOTHING!!!!!!!!! and now it seems to go down a pounds a day... 4 days in a row...which
reminds to that MAYBE I shouldnt weigh myself every day but oh well. LOL It feels SO GOOD to see the numbers moving down now...finally.  today I weighed 250.1 which makes me think tomorrow I might be under 250 for the first time in a LONG LONG LONG time....

Eating is getting easier, eating properly seems to be getting easier. I can eat a lot less when I eat properly but maybe that's the point.  I'm doing SO great at getting down those protein shakes every day, every day, every day. It amazes me that some people just DONT...man, I know that the majority of my nutrition comes from those things so I know it's important. I'm takinf vita-lady like doses of vites but not the right size pills so basically I take 8-10 pills of some thigns and it SUCKS...cant wait until January when I can buy the correct dose pills and take many fewer per day. LOL

Hmmm... today would have been my 10 year anniversary too but... well, it's not.  I'm ready to have my first one with Brian if only he and I could find the miracle we need so he could move here..NOW!

How about a picture of me from today?


There....  I avoided pink most of my life but I am finding it to be very flattering on me....excuse the labret I know the post is too long I had to put it in to heal an inside injury tie to change it out again.