Question:
How do you (or dont you?) tell men you date about your surgery and past obesity?
I am a 25 year old single woman, and I was wondering what other womens expierence has been with this issue. Do you or don't you explain your past obesity and surgery to new men in your life? How do you deal with that? I would like to hear peoples experiences and opinions. — [Anonymous] (posted on November 15, 2000)
November 15, 2000
I just had to make a comment to your question. I think you should be proud
of your accomplishment. The surgery you had was only a tool, it was your
hard work that got you where you are today. I dont think telling a new man
about your surgery is necessary unless things get more intense. When you
are close to someone it will be easy to be truthful and they wont judge
you. Until you get to that point, it is not necessary, in my opinion, to
have to explain anything. Good luck with this...cindy
— Cindy S.
November 15, 2000
Although I'm happily married this question caught my eye. :)
However if I were single I would not feel obligated to tell my date
anything about my wls unless the relationship became serious and I felt
comfortable. Now if you're having health problems that you're dealing
with...that's a different issue but I still believe that you could
tactfully explain should the need arise.
Regarding personal info...Sometimes less IS better.
You'll know what to do/say when the time comes.
— [Anonymous]
November 15, 2000
Didn't mean to post anonymously :)
— TJSmith
November 15, 2000
I've also wondered myself how to handle this. I'm a 33 year old single mom
of a toddler and just recently started having every other weekend free --
and have been asked out a few times. First dates in a long time ... I've
lost 102 pounds and I'm 7 away from my goal weight. Anyway, I just don't
mention it, but of course if I were at the point where it was serious, then
there are going to be questions about my scar when it is discovered. I
will be truthful when it gets to that point, but I don't think it's
"first date" material ... or even really something I want to
discuss unless the situation had progressed beyond a casual dating status.
Hope this helps you!
— Beth B.
November 15, 2000
Beth, being a man it is one of my business what surgery you have orhave ot
had. If later in a relationship you feel confortable discussing you scar
tell him, ifthis bothers him show him the door until he can come to grips
with your imperfection. Lord knows he will have plenty of his own. Be
proud of what you acomplish and surround your with people that are proud of
you.
— MARK N.
November 15, 2000
well i read all the reponses> I respect everyones thoughts and i agree
with you but....Im an in your face kind of girl.
If i was worried i would be dumped because A man would be afraid i would
get fat again..i would tell him just to see...LOL..if he was that shallow
thank god he ran for the door. I think i will be so proud of how i got from
where i was to how i am that keeping it a secret would be hard. I would be
like...."see what you could have had??"...lol...whip out my pics
and see if he said " Oh my!!glad i found you now" or "baby i
still see that beautiful smile hasnt changed"...call me the tubby
Madonna...shock value is sometimes our friend!! Anyway you handle it be
true to yourself. If you feel an need to confide then thats whats right for
you. If not then give it some time and see if the need arises.
Be Well : )
— Tracy L.
November 15, 2000
I've wondered this too. All the responses made sense, but no one could
actually answer the question from experience. So, I'll tell you how this
was answered in the chatroom one night from someone who has dated seriously
since WLS. She said it was no big deal. The guys didn't mind the scar or
the surgery (but maybe she know how to pick 'em!). Hope that puts you to
ease...it did me!
— Allie B.
November 15, 2000
Great question! I have to share this. I was in the voting line when a guy
I knew (who hadn't seen me in quite a while) said hello. As he looked me
up and down, he said, "Well, look at you!". I answered,
"Yeah, I look damned good, don't I?". It wasn't a smart response
- it was just a confident one. The "old" me would never have had
the courage to say anything like that. He knows nothing about the surgery,
and a voting line was no place to discuss it! It made me feel good he
noticed the change. This really has nothing to do with your question other
than I just wanted to share! Sorry - I don't mean to ramble! Anyway, I am
looking forward to the dating scene. A doctor friend of mine advised me
that when I do start dating, not to just spill my guts automatically, and
this makes sense. There is such a thing as saying too much on a first
date. But I have been wondering about what to do for the first meal out.
I don't want to be put into a situation where I need to explain why I can't
eat certain things or quantities. I look forward to more responses.
:):):) 6 months post-op and 91 pounds gone forever!
— Paula G.
November 16, 2000
You know, I may be secretive, but I don't see how my surgeries are anyone's
business but my own. And I don't feel that anyone would notice what I eat
on a dinner date unless I pointed it out. It's not something I would want
to discuss on a date, as I find talking about health issues on a first date
is kind of a turn-off for me. Then again, if this is something that you
WANT to discuss, go for it! I just don't feel that I owe any explanations
to my dates about my plumbing. And, at over a year post-op, it isn't
something I think about all the time anymore either. That is just my two
cents. I would like to hear from others who feel that it is necessary to
divuldge, as maybe I am missing something.
— Peggy G.
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