People falling back into old habits

I have a few friends that have had surgery. They have had different kinds, not just the sleeve. There are least 3 people I know that have gained all of their weight back and a few more that have gained some, if not most of it back. Now here I am watching 2 more people post op that are not so strict and am worried for them. One seems to be doing well and very motivated to keep her weight off (so it seems when you speak to her), but does not always eat the healthiest. The other is still obese, but satisfied with where she is at. This one I really worry about. We are not close enough to where I would ever talk to her about this though. She eats really whatever she wants and is just very nonchalant about it. As time goes on and restriction is not as helpful I can see the impending doom. I hope I'm wrong.

Long story short, it just seems there is failure all around me. Everyone falls back into old habits. I just can't imagine putting myself through this just to let it slip away! As bad as it sounds, they are my inspiration to keep on watching myself and keeping myself in check. Not only do I look to Elina, Frisco and many others here for positive inspiration, as sad as it is, the negative can help to inspire as well. Motivation comes in many forms.

I feel awful thinking that way.

I think you will find that a lot of people are motivated by watching the "failed WLS" stories. I am for sure. I know quite a few people who have not lost the excess weight, not reached a healthy weight, and have gained substantial weight back. I like these people but I'll be damned if I go down that road. I can look at them and see what life style habits contribute to their lack of success and steer far far away from those habits. But it takes the ability to evaluate, analayze and implement a plan for major life style changes. I eat junk - im sure some people see me eating a donut, eating a funnel cake, eating ice cream, etc and wonder what the hell I am doing and probably think I am doomed for the path of failure but those are exceptions to the rules. Because of my healthy life style habits that dominate my day to day choices, I can have those indulgences and not worry about being somone who gains all the weight back. Remaining vigilant and aware though - that's the key. I can't ever "just live" - and some people think they can. That's usually where things fall apart. 

Bad examples are VERY motivating !!!!

It is clear visual proof of the reality and what can happen.

The guy that told me about VSG has gained all his weight back and some. (not my same surgeon or program)

Gives me the chill's every time I see him........ now that said..... we all have our own issues and you never know the surrounding cir****tances.......

Use every tool you have to keep your story your own !!!!

frisco

Its a challenge to watch some folks on their journey sometimes.  I think its kind of like watching friends while their marraige falls apart - its sad because you know its not what they wanted for themselves, but its scary because what I tend to think is - if it happened to THEM it can happen to ME!  And I stop watching them objectively and star****ching with fear and projecting possibilities and hopelessness on myself and my situation.  (this is just me!).

When I can remember/realize that we all do things for reasons - even falling back into old habits - and that someone's journey might not end up where I wanted for them, or maybe where THEY wanted for them, but perhaps to label it failure isnt helpful for any of us? 

We have had folks here who were casual, lost it all and do just fine.  We have had folks who were hard nosed and strict macrod and lost it and because they never learned anything but the hardstrictfast rules, they burned out and slipped back into old ways of doing things, because man, they were TIRED.  There have been folks who match everything in the middle too.

The best thing I EVER did here was to look at the revision board, the failed surgery board, the hunger board and every single "help I am X out and I have/am XXX" and look at latest posts, or find them on their boards and peek into their past.  Not to judge what happened/what they did, but to see - do I recognize myself in there, in how they reacted to life squeezing them?  What can I do NOW before that situation comes to set a plan of how I will react if/when that ever comes to be in MY life?

For me, fear has never been a good long-term motivation tool, so I needed to be tender with the places where I was infantile/young/immature in my dealings with things and set myself up for success.

Its a challenge to be concerned and be objective.  It seems easier to say I WILL NEVER!!!! But then sometimes a chunk of life goes by and you find yourself XXXing. 

I dunno I like to say, either be a role model, or be a warning :}  Either way, we have much to learn from each other, and who knows?  Maybe that person who seems to have squandered their fortune of surgery will find their way back to a path of health.  We do the best we can with what we have at the moment, and sometimes its not what we or anyone else would want from us.  Boo, and hooray if someone can learn and not have to touch that stove themselves!

Just because they seem nonchalant on the outside doesnt mean they aren't suffering in private moments. Id also venture to say you only see a tiny portion of their struggle and dont know the whole story. As I regained with my lapband it was awful. I had so many people around me who had no idea what it took to lose they weight and they had even less of an idea how hard I struggled not to regain, but they may have seen me with a Starbucks in my hand, or maybe even a periodic fattening snack and prejudged that they knew the whole picture. Sometimes just being supportive of others when they are struggling is all they need even if it means they aren't making the choices you would. Of course their behaviors are a reminder to keep yourself on track and there isnt anything wrong with using it to keep you inspired, just remember your walk is your own as is theirs.

One of the things that I still do on a regular basis is read all the boards that talk about regain.  Then I try to figure out the poster's history.  I am looking for patterns of behaviors, thoughts and feelings and habits that lead to failure.  I do this to try to learn from other people's mistakes.  I think one of the key's on this journey is finding people that have what you want and doing more or less what they do and also finding people that are not where you want to be and learning from them as well. Of course we all have our own story and our own history and we have to understand ourselves as well as others, but seeing patterns and following success has always worked for me.  So far, this is what I have observed from successful maintainers:

1) Almost all of them continue to be observant and mindful of what they are eating.

2) Most of them weigh themselves regularly or measure themselves.

3) They seem to have an internal locus of control.  That means they take full responsibility for their mistakes and own their successes.  They know that they are the ultimate decider regarding the efficacy of this surgery.

4) They have a plan and they modify the plan as necessary. They have flexibility in their thinking and allow themselves to take in new ideas and to grow with the process.

6) They either already have or form a strong support system to help them through the tougher times and to be accountable to on a regular basis.

7) They exercise.  I don't think the calorie burn is the biggest issue here.  Yes, you build muscle and burn calories but I think the most important thing about exercise is that it forces you to continue to focus on your body.  Most of us have learned to separate our head from our bodies, and exercise forces us to stay connected.

8) They have a goal range and when they go even a little bit out of their goal range they go right back into the losing phase. 

Every one should copy this response and post it on their wall and read it every morning! This is the type of information surgeon's should hand out to patients :)

Great response Elina - this really is the recipe for success. 

I may do just that!

Done! Great motivation. I have this at my desk, on the fridge, and in the bathroom!

I'll totally second what Alison said about this being the recipe for success.  I just happened on this site on my own many months ago and I'm so thankful.  I had a great surgeon do a great job on my surgery.  The post-op food plan, though, is lacking greatly in my humble opinion.  So I've had to basically develop my own plan. 

And reading these kinds of posts helps me to continually tweak it!