Hubby throws me a curveball last night.

So up to this point, hubby was saying, 'I support you 100%, I'm behind you, if this is what you feel is best for you, then I'll be beside you.'

Then last night, he pulled the rug out from under me.  He didn't want to go to the conference (which has been postponed until the 24th), he didn't want me to do the surgery. He claimed it's 'the easy way out'. I lost it.  Spent the rest of the evening on the couch crying.  I had to take 3 klonopin to calm down because I was just so upset.  After my hour of crying uncontrollably, he comes downstairs and told me that I was over-reacting, and feels like I don't need the surgery. So while he's agreed to join me at the seminar, I think this is going to be the extent of his 'full support'. 

I'm going to write him a letter tonight to express my feelings, but I'm sure that will be as effective as telling a newborn baby to not cry.  :(

At least I have you all to come to for support since my husband doesn't seem as supportive as I was originally lead to believe. 

Thanks for listening. 

You have to do this for yourself Hun. Some people do not understand the surgery and are scared of losing a loved one. He is probably scared of the unknown. Do not stress. Continue on your journey he will either join in or you will figure out if he is worth being in it!
Much love,
Kellie

I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't being very compassionate about your surgery.  I'm glad he agreed to go though, it might help him understand the surgery better and he can ask questions to get some clarification.......you know there is no excuse for his behavior, but people do act out of fear, maybe as things are getting closer he is having anxiety about losing you.  You may want to remind him about all the health issues that could be just as dangerous as surgery if you don't have it done.  I know it's hard, try to stay focused and positive, hopefully he will come around, and remember this is the best gift you will ever give yourself.

Smiles:),

Lisa

I'm sorry to hear your hubby is having second thoughts.  I'd suggest giving him time, and taking the opportunity to explain to him about the surgery, about the health issues of obesity, about how poor the success rate is for people to manage obesity through diet and exercise.  He is probably afraid of the surgery and the risks, but in fact, the risks are greater from being obese than from the surgery.

In my many years, I've found the motto "This too shall pass."  to be helpful.

blessings

Carol

I think you should sit him down and talk with him instead of writing him a letter- that may come off as passive aggressive. Just tell him how you feel and why this is important to you. He thinks you're overreacting? Explain to him exactly why you are NOT overreacting and that you don't understand his sudden change of position. If you talk to him about it, he may be able to reveal why he's feeling differently now and then you can explain things to him from your point of view. Best of luck to you.

I don't know even where to start.  I am less than 2 months post op.  My husband is glad I had the surgery, and proud of the weight loss so far.  My husband is a good man and father, but VERY self absorbed.  I cried for days out of hurt because he  was not at the hospital before,during or after surgery.  Funny thing is the woman in the room next to mine told me that she TOLD her husband to stay home - she was very private about her journey and didn't want him involved!  Everyone is different, and our perspectives are different.  One thing I learned and I would share with you is that emotions, and difficulty managing them is a big part of what got you heavy enough (are you?) to consider surgery.  Most of us eat to cope in some way with life.  Stop making this a shared journey and own it for yourself.  Are you ready to make your own choice on the matter?  I hope so.  Whatever happens in the future, making this decision was the beginning for me.  I am now learning how to act for myself and my life after many years of "react".  It is not an easy ride but at least it is not dull!  

Good luck

Eileen

It sounds like he's scared. Scared of losing you, not just the whole surgery complication thing, but who you will be and what that means to him.

You need to sit down and talk to him. Don't write a letter. Find out what's going on and why he feels that way. It's not about the easy way - trust me, it ain't easy - it's about your health and living your best life.

HUGS. I've seen many folks come through here who had minimal support. You make it because YOU support yourself. I've seen others do it. Do it for you, not for anyone else.

You husband is being an idiot.

I think what people on the outside don't often consider is that at some point we on the inside have to admit we can't do it on our own.  If we could, we wouldn't be in a position where surgery is an option.  Once you reach that point, people can say what they want, but surgery is the tool to assist with all the changes necessary.

I say go for it with or without his help.  The benefits once complete will far outweigh whatever is going on now.

I can assure you that there is no great moral high ground, or bonus points in life, for doing a weight loose plan withot surgery.  In the end, everything comes out the same.  You might as well utilize the tools available to you.

Here is my advice. Write the letter, crumple it up and throw it away. That letter is to make you feel better not to change his mind. You can't do that and I can tell you he will come around if you stay the course. You have to put yourself in his shoes. While you may have come to terms with removing a large portion of your life sustaining organ, he may still have some reservations about it. I can tell you it is NOT the easy way out. It still requires the same amount of work to eat the right foods, exercise regularly, and follow the plan relentlessly. Its a constant non-stop selfish battle with yourself. Even a year later I struggle with the same things I did before surgery. I have just taken drastic measures to lose the weight and while they may not be easy, they are drastic. So keep that in mind. You have to make sure over the next couple of weeks you make it known to him that all this surgery does is makes it much more difficult to over eat. It forces you to practice portion control, that's it. The rest is up to you and him to support you. 

Let me also just give you a heads up. This is going to get much much worse over the next year. You are about to embark on an incredibly selfish journey. Not selfish in the respect that you don't care but selfish in the respect that you have to focus on you ... A LOT!. You have to change the way you cook, the way you eat, your social life, many many things about your life that directly impact your husband, so make sure you say thank you at least once a week for putting up with you and supporting you. Many things are about to improve dramatically too, not the least of which is your sex life so put that on the table too.

I really really wish there was a love button for this reply. Thank you.