relationship changes vets and all

I am wondering for those post op and particularly vets: how has vsg affected your relationships (spouse, friend, lover, etc)?

What challenges did you encounter? What got better/worse? Did vsg change you as a person (personality wise)?  Did any one have a spouse become insecure  because of your new changes?...you get idea, but please add anything you might think is noteworthy. 

Thanks!

Kelly

Preop- husband was terrified and tried to talk me out of it.  

Postop- 2 days into it he realized I was having a lot of trouble staying away from bad food, so he cleared out the house and went on the diet with me.  He lost more and faster than I did over the first four months.

All the way to goal... brought us closer together.  He encouraged me to exercise, long 4-5 mile walks, time spent in the gym together... brought us closer together for sure.

But then...

I had abdominoplasty last December.  I was totally ill-prepared for his meltdown.  Crying, taking long long walk in -20 weather, completely left me to fend for myself during a difficult recovery, terrible to the kids... you get the idea.  He was absolutely certain that I would now leave him.  He felt terrible about how he looked, feeling old and out of shape.  You get the idea.  It took several weeks for him to deal with this.  He did, and we are fine... but this process can be tough on the spouse.  It will take time for the spouse's brain to catch up with the changes in your body as much as your brain will need time to catch up.  

Thank you so much for your honesty. My hubby seems to be about the same (still pre-op though). He does not seem supportive and has even vocalized his fears a little bit. I really hope he come around like yours did.. I think her fears I will leave him too...that and he is grossed out by "all the skin I am going to have"...

You will look so much better in clothes that he will be gunning after you constantly... ;)  If he is fear, that will likely dissapate when you get through the surgery and a few days out, and then he realizes you will be Ok.  Don't let his fear and insecurity stop you though no matter what... just help him through where you can, but stay focused on your health.  In the end, it will make you a better wife!

Love your story. Thanks for sharing. 

Yes I can relate to that. I feel like I have to go into this lengthy explanation of why I'm choosing to do something so drastic and I just blather on and on trying to convince them or something. I am over it. My hubs told me he thinks its the easy way out and he is worried I won't stick with it.  It bothered me so much, I actually told my surgeon what he said as I was coming out of anesthesia from my egd. I was all messed up tell my surgeon what my husband said to me! My surgeon actually offered to call and talk to him. I was blown away by that..

I am so sorry that he's not on board. I was actually TERRIFIED to tell my DH what I was doing. I was referred June of 2012 to the WLS program i'm currently in. I didn't go for my orientation until Jan 2014. During that whole year & a half, I never said a WORD to my husband. I was worried how he'd react. (Not scared of HIM, just his reaction) I thought for sure he was going to say I was crazy and talk me out of it.

I finally bit the bullet and told him after my orientation, once I was officially in the program, and all the consent forms were signed lol. I was actually shocked at his reaction. He was 100% on board.

Is there anyway that your husband would talk to the surgeon? Or will he read a book on it? (I found weightloss surgery for dummies is an awesome book) I also have a book that my program gave to me that goes into detail about what will happen and what to expect etc. I have left that book out for my husband to read if he wants.

In my program they also encourage spouses and/or friends/family to come to the appts so they can be part of the process. I haven't brought anyone with me because I'd rather go on my own. Maybe your husband would benefit from talking to someone?

He's probably scared and that's how he's reacting. Surgery IS scary for a lot of people.

Good idea leaving the book out. It may help. I am not sure if he'd talk to the surgeon. I am hoping he will come to a support group or an appointment so he can at least get educated on it, because he sure doesn't like talking about it. I know he is scared, but I refuse to give up whetger he supports me or not. I know it'll make me a better mother, wife and self. And I need that for me..

I have a number of folks like this, and I had to realize that this is far more important and personal to ME than anyone else in the world, even hubby. 

Also, stuff like weight/physical appearance has been a prohibited topic for so long outside of "safe" things like hairstyles, so they may not fully understand you are now ok with discussing these things.

just some perspective...

laurie