OT Divorce...
My husband of 15 years came to me one week after I got home from the hospital and said he wants a divorce because he is "unhappy". I am lost. I am shocked. I am devastated. Everything I thought was my life.. isn't. I don't even know where to begin healing from this. Add to it the dealing with the bypass and all of those thoughts and feelings. I just don't even know what to do. I am moving home to Oregon to be with my family. But I just can't imagine my life without him. I mean seriously we have been together since we were 15! Who does this? Who gives up on a 20 year relationship and 4 kids just like that... and if he was unhappy why didn't he come to me before it got to this point so we could try counceling? I'm just so completely lost.
For by grace we are saved. Ephesians 2:8
Have u said to him- counseling? working it out? If so, what does he say??? I am getting a divorce also but it is my doing bc I have been unhappy for a long time ( we have been together 14 yrs) but I did warn him many of times but he didnt listen.... So he didnt give u any clues? Im so sorry!
Kerry
Lapband 10-23-06
Revision to RNY 2-18-11
HW:278
SW:243
GW:135
(((Pamela))) I understand what you are gong through. My husband did the exact same thing on March 3rd, left March 4th. We've had our differences but never to the extent that I feel warranted a divorce.
Hate to say it but my guess is there is someone else, that is what I'm facing at least. IF he is anything like my husband he wouldn't have announced it so suddenly without any warning he was unhappy.
I wish you and your husband the best. This is hard but each day I cry less and feel better that long-term it's the right thing and I'll find my happiness in the future.
Hate to say it but my guess is there is someone else, that is what I'm facing at least. IF he is anything like my husband he wouldn't have announced it so suddenly without any warning he was unhappy.
I wish you and your husband the best. This is hard but each day I cry less and feel better that long-term it's the right thing and I'll find my happiness in the future.
Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05
9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining
www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com
Well, that sucks.
My dad did the same thing, sort of. They were married for 23 years, together for 25, and would argue a lot. But all of the sudden my dad wanted out...immediatly. Turns out he was having an affair with my mom's best friend. She announced she wanted a divorce two days before my dad did.
Not to make you feel worse, but LOCK HIS ASS DOWN AND QUESTION HIM!!
My dad did the same thing, sort of. They were married for 23 years, together for 25, and would argue a lot. But all of the sudden my dad wanted out...immediatly. Turns out he was having an affair with my mom's best friend. She announced she wanted a divorce two days before my dad did.
Not to make you feel worse, but LOCK HIS ASS DOWN AND QUESTION HIM!!
Wife to Lawrence since July 4, 2003.
Nathan June 16, 2005 Haylee October 7, 2009
Getting help so I can live long with him and raise them to be the best they can be!
Nathan June 16, 2005 Haylee October 7, 2009
Getting help so I can live long with him and raise them to be the best they can be!
{{{{HUGS}}}} That sucks, but he deserved to give you a reason. And I would question if there is someone else, you deserve to know then you can hate him and move on with your life. You have four children with him, has he considered what this will do to them and you? Wow, I feel for you.
20 pounds lost during two week pre-op diet.
Dear Friend,
Please get yourself into counseling as soon as possible. He left. You can beg and plead - I did - ctually layed down on the floor with my arms around his ankles - he will not come back unless he wants to, and by then you may no longer want him to. I am nearly certain that there is someone else in your husband's life. My lawyer told me that "a woman will jump off of the lilly pad and into the pond and tread water for as long as they have to, but men don't jump until they have another lilly pad to jump onto." Please understand that I am not bashing men - I happen to think they are wonderful when they are good men. My husband was not - but my self esteem was so low thay I thought I deserved poor treatment. I want you to know that there is life after divorce. I thought I could not live without my husband of 25 years after he left for the babysitter. I had WL surgery 3 years after my divorce, and a year after I met a wonderful new man who adores me and my daughter. My life is really good now. I never would have left my marriage, and the truth is I had no idea how unhappy I was and how much of myself I had given up until I had to live on my own. I am so much stronger than I ever knew I was. Living well is the best "revenge". You will heal - it will be a long road. Take time to mourn the death of your marriage - but most of all - build a support system that includes a counselor. Friends and family will tire of hearing your "sad" story. It can be frightening for them to watch you go through such pain, and they often feel helpless and just want you to "get over it". A professional can be an inpartial, long-term, sounding board.
Please get yourself into counseling as soon as possible. He left. You can beg and plead - I did - ctually layed down on the floor with my arms around his ankles - he will not come back unless he wants to, and by then you may no longer want him to. I am nearly certain that there is someone else in your husband's life. My lawyer told me that "a woman will jump off of the lilly pad and into the pond and tread water for as long as they have to, but men don't jump until they have another lilly pad to jump onto." Please understand that I am not bashing men - I happen to think they are wonderful when they are good men. My husband was not - but my self esteem was so low thay I thought I deserved poor treatment. I want you to know that there is life after divorce. I thought I could not live without my husband of 25 years after he left for the babysitter. I had WL surgery 3 years after my divorce, and a year after I met a wonderful new man who adores me and my daughter. My life is really good now. I never would have left my marriage, and the truth is I had no idea how unhappy I was and how much of myself I had given up until I had to live on my own. I am so much stronger than I ever knew I was. Living well is the best "revenge". You will heal - it will be a long road. Take time to mourn the death of your marriage - but most of all - build a support system that includes a counselor. Friends and family will tire of hearing your "sad" story. It can be frightening for them to watch you go through such pain, and they often feel helpless and just want you to "get over it". A professional can be an inpartial, long-term, sounding board.
Because he did this so soon after your surgery, I would really want to be sure that he didn't do this as a "preemptive strike" thinking that you would get healthy/thin and leave him. So, he leaves you first to try and save himself the pain of you leaving later. Sometimes men look at our efforts to get thinner/healthier as a sign that we are about to leave.
But, I have to agree with the others that you can't make him stay no matter how much you want him to.
I wish you all the happiness there is to be found!! You can do this!! You are a strong woman with 4 beautiful children to love on! You will get through this! And, you have an amazing family too, I might add, that will take you in! That is amazing love in your life, for sure!! You will be ok! This is hard and hurts like crazy but you can get through it!! :D
Huggles!!
~Sarah~
But, I have to agree with the others that you can't make him stay no matter how much you want him to.
I wish you all the happiness there is to be found!! You can do this!! You are a strong woman with 4 beautiful children to love on! You will get through this! And, you have an amazing family too, I might add, that will take you in! That is amazing love in your life, for sure!! You will be ok! This is hard and hurts like crazy but you can get through it!! :D
Huggles!!
~Sarah~
HW 316/ SW 264/ CW 187/ GW 158
THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE. My husband of 27 years told me he "needed space" on our 27th anniversary. He said there was no one else, but there was. I suggested counseling and he said he's been to therapy and they told him to leave me (lie). I stalled and prayed and waited for almost 3 years and he married the other woman 9 days after our divorce was final (big white church wedding - her third). Now, he's 70, she has moved him out, they are on the verge of bankruptcy and he's all alone. I, on the other hand, have a wonderful husband, a great job, live where I've always wanted and am super happy. Life does even out and you will live through this. I thought I would die, really, but you know God had so many things planned for me - much more than I could have imagined. I thought my life was wonderful - but now I know it really wasn't - I was living a fantasy in my own mind.
Like you, I'd been with him since I was 14 and he was 18 but we only had one child and she was out of college. He was my life but that isn't really healthy I've decided. Get counseling if you can and let yourself mourn the loss of the life you've known but just know IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise. And, try not to hate him. That only hurts you. You can't make someone love you when they have decided to love someone else and believe me there IS someone else. He may not admit it but I don't believe most men have the courage to leave until they have another person to be with. They also lack the courage to be honest with you about it. But, you'll get by and in the end you will be the winner. You are much stronger than you know and promise me you will make him pay you as much child support as you can get!! You'll need it and you deserve it.
Hugs, love and prayers for strength.
Lana
Like you, I'd been with him since I was 14 and he was 18 but we only had one child and she was out of college. He was my life but that isn't really healthy I've decided. Get counseling if you can and let yourself mourn the loss of the life you've known but just know IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise. And, try not to hate him. That only hurts you. You can't make someone love you when they have decided to love someone else and believe me there IS someone else. He may not admit it but I don't believe most men have the courage to leave until they have another person to be with. They also lack the courage to be honest with you about it. But, you'll get by and in the end you will be the winner. You are much stronger than you know and promise me you will make him pay you as much child support as you can get!! You'll need it and you deserve it.
Hugs, love and prayers for strength.
Lana
Adamsamah, Lana
"WLS is about making better choices, a healthier lifestyle and seeing how little you can eat. Portion control is the key to all weight loss surgeries. Bottom line - it isn't how much you can eat - it is how little you can eat."
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