*Need Advice* from Vets on Body Image

I am almost at 100 lbs lost since I began the journey (April 2010) and 70+ lost since surgery on February 15, 2011. 

But I still feel so fat.

I can't see the difference in the mirror. 

I know on some logical level that I am wearing much smaller clothes and I know my face is thinner, but I can't see the loss.  I have gone from a size 26/28 to a 16/18.  Ten dress sizes!  But I feel the same.  I don't feel like I have lost a pound.  

So those of you who have lost a lot or reached goal -- how long did it take for your mind to catch up with your body?

I know I am not the only one with this problem.

Does it get better?  How do I get past this strange thinking?

Please comment because I am really at a loss here.

I too wish I knew when and if the "I'm fat" feeling will go away. I have two friends who also had WL surgery. One is 5 years out and one is 3 years out.  They both say they still struggle. I recently had an experience where a bar owner was giving a few friends and I free t-shirts. He asked each of us what size. I said, "large." His response was, "You are not a large! I'll get you a medium." That was an incredible moment for me!

Sorry I don't have a good answer for you.

Thank you Gail, it's helpful to know that I am not alone.

I still reach for my old clothes even though they look just totally wrong on me. 

I read about this problem but I did not think it would happen to me.

Ok, I'm going to TRY not to get all existential.

A lot of what we SEE is dictated by the mind. But the mind processes change at its own pace. This explains why, as we grow as humans from infants to children, the changes seem very subtle when to others who don't see us as often they seem very rapid.

When we lose weight very rapidly, the brain is slow to catch up. Not only that, but what we SEE is, in part, also dictated by what we believe. And THAT can be affected by a number of things.

I can look fat to myself in the mirror on any of the following premises:

-I am wearing an outfit I don't like
-I ate something I should not have
-I saw someone who said something that hurt my feelings
-I did not achieve a goal
-I have suffered a loss
-I see a picture of Beyonce

I threw that last one in there because our perception of what beauty is, or should be, also heavily affects how we see ourselves.

This is why I say, ad nauseum, that the story we tell ourselves is important.

Bottom line: it takes a while for the brain to catch up and allow our eyes to see what others have seen all along. Some say years. My prayer is that most of us don't "miss it." What I mean by that is that because some of us don't BELIEVE we've changed we behave as if we haven't, experience regain and then when we CAN see what others saw, we are no longer that way.

My advice? Embrace what you know to be true and enjoy the new possibilities your life has to offer. Don't concentrate on any particular standard of beauty. Focus on the cute clothes YOU can now wear, not whether you look like Victoria Beckham in them. Focus on the new things YOU can do. Not what your trainer, sister, brother, mother can do. Concentrate on the medicines you no longer take or the ridicule that you no longer get or WHATEVER it is that you used to deal with that you no longer have to deal with.

In short: if you've ever said, "I love my RNY!" focus on WHY you said that. The rest will come in time.

Keep your biggest shirt and pants as that helps me deal with my "fat head".

I am five years out plus and I still have to deal with my fat head all the time. It may be a struggle for the rest of your life so keep the clothes to give you perspective now and again.

I had laproscopic RNY on April 22, 2010. I had NO difficulties at all...no dilatation necessary...everything has come with time....bread sometimes is still hard for me but I just avoid it or leave it. The mind is slow to catch up to the stomach. I don't always 'see' myself as others do. If someone comments on how tiny I am or how much I've lost....I just shrug and smile. I see the mirror but when you see yourself every day it's different. I don't always SEE it but I do FEEL it. I went from a size 18/20 to a 10 so far. I was on a plateau for about 4 months or more and thought that my body was comfortable there and that was it. But all of a sudden the weight started to drop again and since my last checkup with the pa from the hospital I had surgery at, I had lost another 10 pounds.

I see photos of myself...and remember how I never felt THAT FAT. But I was ugly and disgustingly fat. I am 5'3" so at 222(pre surgery)I was round.

I still would dish a 'normal' plate if I am somewhere....and end up having a few bites and leaving the rest. I do like buffets for that reason. I can get protein...and pick and choose. I have gotten over the 'payiing for that' meal and either take it home or leave it.

I never drank the protein shakes....I gag and I just couldn't get them down. I would sometimes add unflavored protein powder to soup or juices but otherwise I just could not.

Make sure to get rid of the FAT CLOTHES. I have nothing left....even 14 and 12's are too big. I shop at 2nd hand stores....it's been great. I know I look awesome...but have to make sure my stomach tells my hand, mouth and brain to stop when full.

Leave a positive self talk message on your mirror....You are doing wonderful...KEEP IT UP!

Self image after wt loss is an issue that is troublesome for some post ops. This topic has been discussed at many support groups I attend. Most post ops with this issue can overcome the problem in time. BUT, there are some post ops in my support group who still have issues at over 1 year post op. It's these post ops who seem to benefit from counseling or possible meds.  Counseling alone seems to help most of them.  These personal experiences about this issue offer a clearer understanding of these feelings--another reason to attend support groups.  Good luck. DAVE

I know one thing that helps me is having myself photographed with people that I think are of a "normal" size. Then I realize I'm either their size or darn close and it helps me wrap my head around it a little better.

I also was told by my counselor (who is a body image specialist) that massage is great for body image. I had told him I felt like I had phantom fat--like there was still belly protruding farther than it was and he said the massage helps us truly feel where our bodies stop and start. Interesting concept, but a little rich for my blood. Granted, I'd think having a loved one (husband, boyfriend, best friend) do it may be of some benefit.

I hope you find your way to feeling and seeing your success. It SUCKS to still feel fat--I know from experience. And I don't think it is strange thinking, just for the record. Perhaps taking away the negative thoughts about your thoughts would be a good first step.

Good luck!

Denise

 I am 10 months out, have lost 157 pounds and while I feel a significant difference physically, I too, have a hard time seeing it-especially from the waist down.  I have a very large pannus and to me it still looks just as big and I still have the same difficulties with clothing and overspill on my hips and legs because of it.  I am told it gets better with time, but that we may always have some issues with body image because we have been obese for so long.