"Why cant we just be happy" (support group topic)

Soo in other thread I mentioned I went to a friend's support group with her last night.  The topic of skin came up.  One person who HAS had it and is a "bible-thumper" as I call them, began to give a "sermon" on how we as WLS patients should stop "crying, *****ing, fussing over the excess skin.  We've already got a life-saving surgery WLS so why be greedy". 

Wow! I don't see anything wrong with wanting to get rid of something that makes you uncomfortable. Funny how people view things differently.

Because.....  it's about being "normal".  And, because, it's hard to tell the difference between skin and fat when you look in the mirror.  The head games after surgery are killer. 

I don't want to be a model -- but I would love to wear a pair of shorts. 

And, I didn't address any of the actual HEALTH issues related to excess skin.  Rashes, mobility issues...... it's not just whining!

 Maybe the bible thumper can't afford to have the skin removed. If I knew I had to live with my excess skin  forever... I would find a way to convince myself that I was lucky to only have that and not the 100 pluss pounds that may have caused it , too! PS got a long way to go still so this subject won't be an issue for me for a LONG time :)

They DID mention OUTSIDE of medically necessity... They went on about there are girdles, contraptions etc to hide that..

Sounds like the "Bible thumper" may not recognize the difference between whining and seeking change.

If the excess skin is causing medical problems (and mine was, well beyond rashes and discomfort), you seek and document medical intervention. That's not being greedy - that's managing your health.

If the excess skin is just something you don't like looking at, it falls in the same category as wanting straight hair when you have curly, or vice versa, and again, is not being greedy unless you're demanding that someone give you a free perm/straightening.

I know at my group, the people who tend to be the most... authoritative toward others (do this/don't do that/be quiet) are those who are having difficulty managing their lives, and who would really like to manage ANYTHING they can get at. Maybe she just needs some control in her own life, or someone to gently remind her that she can't be directing others. Or, if that doesn't work, to whap her upside the head and tell her to butt out.

Ah...the "be grateful for what you got" mentality.

Yeah. That logic doesn't even begin to work. Here are just a few of the reasons:

1. Excess skin looks like fat. While we still have that skin we still see the fat.
2. If we perceive the skin as fat (even though we know it is skin) we can't feel the full impact of our accomplishments
3. We also have trouble with intimate relationships
4. We also have trouble fitting into clothing sizes commensurate to our weight
5. We also have trouble moving (my arms seriously limit my range of motion)
6. It is uncomfortable and can often lead to rashes and topical infections but perhaps most significantly
7. If we don't have a chance to see our transformation through, many times it can lead to depression which leads back to old habits, which leads back to obesity

So that lady can shut it. I think plastics are important in this journey and it's a shame we can't all get them. I know damn well I won't look like Beyonce when this is all said and done and that's not my aim. But I also don't want to have to carry around my years of obesity every day either. I have enough mental AND medical burdens as a result of obesity. I don't need an everyday reminder of all that skin too.

(Not that I can afford plastics, but I think they are a very valid part of the journey.)

I think people do obsess over it. I was one of those. But I never whined or obsessed over it to other people (big difference). People do not want to hear anyone repeatedly ***** and moan over ANYTHING. The skin affected me tremendously as far as my mental health was concerned. My boyfriend did not want me to get plastic surgery. He loved me "as is" and was worried about my safety. But now he can see how much better I am doing mentally and agrees it was the right choice for me.

My problem is when people repeatedly complain over insurance not covering it or that they cannot afford it. We are responsible for our own financial situations, whatever they may be. Get a second job. Get an education and get a better job. Get out of debt and improve your credit rating and get a loan. It's all about choices.

And before anyone jumps down my throat about my views, I am a single mom of 2 by adoption with no baby-daddy. I managed to scrimp an save for 2 international adoptions. I've also managed to get 2 rounds of plastic surgery. My goal is to pay off my second round of plastics and improve my credit rating so I can get a loan for my next round. I will do it. I am determined.

Laura

I'm with you, Laura, I self paid for all my plastic surgery and never had a thought that it would be otherwise!

Before WLS surgery, I had to sign a form acknowledging that I understood the future financial aspects of the surgery - vitamins for life, new clothes, plastic surgery etc, and he spoke with me about these before we set a date. I wish all surgeons were this honest and upfront!

I barely had any excess skin but still had a tummy tuck (had a huge baby at 41 which is what caused my MO and slightly saggy belly!), BL & BA and FL - all of them were vanity and nowhere near medical necessity!

I don't look like a supermodel but like a 49 year old woman that wasn't previously fat - a realistic expectation, I think?

No jumping on you Laura.  There are ways to get it done if someone really wants to make it a priority.  I have had several PS procedures done out of pocket and I also paid from my RNY and my ex-husbands lapband self pay.

Were there is a will, there is a way.

BTW, I'm also saving my change to eventually have more done.  I'm ready to make it a priority again.