Amazing how a simple look can take away your thunder

I was at school the other day and was showing a photo in my phone to my lab partner.  The photos flipped back a couple and she spotted a photo I'd taken of the #s on the scale.  I'd hit a new low and was excited to mark it by taking a picture.  I never advertise my weight.  I'll say how much I've lost but I don't like to give the # that's on the scale.  I mean does it really matter to anyone but me?  I'm down 140 pounds from my top weight and feeling fantastic.  I still have about 15 to my goal but I'm cool with anywhere in between or staying where I am.  Anyway, she looked at the #, she looked at me and she just gave me that look.  The..."You must be lying because you look like a big fat cow compared to what the scale says" look.  Yeah I get it.  I don't look super thin.  I have skin that stretched over an additional 140 pounds.  It looks like big rolls of fat.  It isn't.  In the same 3 minute span another lab partner who was snapping a picture of us said, "oh don't you look cute with your little rabbit smile?..."  So now I'm fat and the flashbacks to being called "bucky beaver" all through school jumps up into my head.  I've spent nearly a week feeling down and out of sorts about it.  I'm getting back on track, but it just frustrates me that people and their opinion I don't give a flip about can cut so deeply still.  I'm working really hard to get the sassy back in my life. 

Just wanted to vent to people who might understand.  I'm nearing my 2-year mark and I guess I'm a little raw around the edges right now.  Working on the idea of adjusting to maintenance, getting my vitamin routine into a solid lifetime routine (school really wrecks havoc on that for some reason...that and eating enough), and getting more active.

Hope everyone is feeling good about themselves.  We're all awesome people no matter our size.

I remember we had a student teacher working with the teacher next to my classroom, and one day he was reminiscing about the "fat teacher" who used to be in my classroom. He told me he never had her, but his friend did, and he came to the classroom to see the snake she had.

He turned beet red when I mentioned that I was the "fat teacher with a snake" in that classroom, and that moreover I'd been in that classroom since the building was built.

I understand how it is.

What is funny now though, is even people who knew me fat, saw me lose, etc.... they see old photos and as unkind as it sounds, I try not to take offense when they say "You were never that fat"

I have my doubts about surgery and fear that I wont lose as much as I would like and i do know of how vicious people can be but if I only lose half of what you have lost ....I'll take it as a win
Jenn

I was very doubtful about surgery getting me where regular diets had failed to get me. When I got to 180 at 12 months, I was amazed and grateful to have gotten that far. I knew in my heart that if I never gained an ounce, I'd be happy to also never lose another ounce. I did eventually (at 29 months) get to goal, and even below goal by 8 pounds. But alas, I'm staring at 180 again on the scale. (Still following the rules)

I had hoped to begin exercise this month but a series of medical setbacks (helped, no doubt by my own phobic reacction to exercise) has kept me from doing much. I could say that I've honestly moved my bod 8 times in the 14 days I had originally planned by today, so that's not quite as much a failure as I seem. I even had 4 hours of exercise on one day when I barely got myself motivated to do anything (capsizing our kayak in the middle of a lake more than 2 miles wide.... NOT the best plan for exercise, but hey, I got a lot in!) 

The biggest thing about this surgerry is to get HEALTHIER, and if possible SLIMMER and ultimately stay both healthier and slimmer. If you are happy with that, you'll probably feel more successful than if you put too much emphasis on numbers on the scale!

I am doing this to avoid all the health issues that comes with being MO.  I guess I am getting the jitters and my focus has become tunnel vision with losing weight as the main goal but I'm not as superficial as I seem the smaller sizes is just part of the goal living in a much more comfortable body and being able to move with ease not to mention being healthy and being around for my 6 children are the main reasons for having surgery. I am trying to head things off before there are problems that go hand in hand with being MO.  

I certainly don't view you as a failure at all and look forward to the wise advice that you all seem to have....and yes I read about your adventure ...so glad you are okay by the way.  I know deep down why I need to do this and the numbers on the scale will just be a bonus.  
Jenn         

Be encouraged... Mean people SUCK LOL
I can relate to your story. I'm in another country and have gained 11.5 pounds in a little over a month. I'm struggling and trying to get support here and with my nurse. I am 30 pounds from goal weight and 15 months out. I'm starting a "remove the skin fund" so I can get all of this skin removed too LOL. Words hurt and people don't think about how deeply they can cut. Surround yourself with positive people who will support you and pray for those miserable people who only know how to spread their misery.

ahelen

Please do not let others opinions determine your worth!! You are doing a great job. I know the mental part of this is absolutely the hardest, but for me at almost 4 years out it has gotten better. I know I am amazing and don't give a crap about what others think. That was a big lesson for me to learn.

Some people feel the need to put others down because they are lacking something. Ignore the haters and keep your head up.

 My sister in law said something one day, after I'd told her I had lost 150 pounds.  She said "wow, I guess I never really thought you were that big.  You carried it well, I thought you might have weighed about 180."

I'm not sure in what universe I would have been 180, I was almost 300.  And what do they mean by "carried it well"?  How do you carry 150 excess pounds well?

It baffles me the things that other people think/do/say.  Really.

Don't let it get to you.  It's your journey, it's your success.  Own it!

I just wanted to say that what you have accomplished is awesome. 140 pounds!!!!