I know , I know, but I can't seem to get past it!!

So, here it goes. Like I said, I know intellectually but emotions seem to rule. Here it my  frustration.
I have been working out several days a week. I also cleaned up my elliptical and brought it in the house. I have been getting on every morning and trying to work my way up to an hour a day. I am only doing about 20 to 30 minutes right now. I feel great physically. I am stronger and have a lot more stamina. I am more flexible. I have lost about 16 inches in the last 6 weeks. Which is awesome. BUT I have not lost any weight!!! I have been going up and down the same 6 or 7 pounds. I don't weigh everyday. I try to weigh on Monday mornings. I will put on 2 or 3 pounds then loose 2 or 3. I have been up as much as 7 lbs. Then down a couple then back up then down 5. I just keep dancing around the same numbers. If I was to be honest it has really been since the 2CD week in July. I lost 10 pounds while on vacation then gained 7 back the week I came home and then slowly went down past that just to start this dancing game. I weigh what I weighed July 9Th right now. Maybe next week I will have gained a couple pounds.
The thing is I know the inches are great and I know that this is the first real stall I have had in the 6 months I have been on this journey. I know it is a natural process, I know I am gaining muscle which accounts for some of what is going on. Like I said intellectually I know, I know. Emotionally I am a wreck. Seeing the numbers go down is a reward for me. It is instant gratification. I still have a long, long way to go. I need that progress report.
The numbers not moving makes me fearful, anxious, and frustrated. I am not one of those people who love working out. I love the way it makes me feel later but the process of pushing myself physically is not enjoyable to me. I dread every time I am going to work out or every time I get on my elliptical. I do not enjoy being uncomfortable. I do not get a rush from the adrenaline. I am talking to myself the whole time making myself push through. I need a pay off for that. I know the inches are great. But I need the numbers too.
The thing is I know me. If I don't get that reward I will give up or give in. I did something stupid already. Friday I bought a bag of Lays potato chips and from Friday around 3:30 pm to Saturday around 1:30 pm I ate the whole bag. (please do not beat me up for that believe me I do enough beating for everyone). I wanted to eat everything this weekend. The thing is I have also figured out that even though I cant eat a lot at one time I can eat many times a day. Every couple hours if I want maybe even every hour. Not meals but a couple of this or that. Dangerous territory. Do I do that, no. Have I done it, yes. The thing is with the frustration of this stall I find myself wanting to do it. Wanting to throw up my hands and say the heck with it all. I worry everyday. I have come so far. I am so few lbs away from being the smallest I have ever been in my adult life. I was 13 the last time I weighed 250.
I am a prisoner in my own mind. I have believed this impossible for so long. I have failed so many times. When the scale doesn't move it makes all my demons come out. You will probably say don't weigh. I HAVE TO!!! I can be obsessive. I am obsessing about this whole weight loss thing period.
I have 3 friends that had gastric by pass and they never did anything right. They didn't follow any of the rules. Eat and drink whatever, whenever. One of them literally does eat every hour and a half. Even wakes up several times in the middle of the night to eat. None of them ever exercised. They all look great. The one that eats constantly is around 10 yrs out. One of them is an alcoholic that was drinking beer and trying to eat hamburgers when she was less than a week out. She is a couple years out and she has never has a problem.
I am working my tail off, going by the rules, eating right 90 percent of the time, obsessing about the whole thing and it just seems like it is so much harder for me. Granted I started out heavier than 2 of them but still. I seem to make it so hard for myself and tend to be too hard on myself. WHY!! Why cant I be normal? I am not saying they are normal. I mean why do I have to obsess about everything?
Does anybody feel me out there? I feel like I am in a box. Separated from everyone else in this world. I just keep looking for a way out but the only thing I do it keep bumping my head into the walls. The box is black and it is dark, I cant see anything I am just fumbling around. Trapped!!!!!!
I have always associated my self worth by that number on the scale. Sad but true. I know it is wrong and that the number has nothing to do with who I truly am on the inside. I know that but the world is not in me and it only judges me but what it sees. I will never be taken seriously in life as long as I am not a more normal sized person. Even us who have always been overweight judge people by there appearance without meaning too. I want to be judged for who I am not what I look like. I cant do that without succeeding in this. To succeed I have to make that scale move!!!!
Is there help for this insanity? This Obsession with numbers?

There are a lot of people like you out there. There is a genetic factor, maybe you are gaining muscle, but it does sound like something you are missing in your routine. You can't gain weight if your exercising is greater than you caloric requirements. Unless we are your trainer it is impossible to help you online.
Hope you have the success that you want but it may take you longer than you think it will.

My surgeon and dietitian have never given me any numbers to met. Not even a goal weight. I have been told to eat 3 to 4 meals a day. Around a half of a cup and each meal. Protein first, then veggie, then carb. I was told there is no bad food. No calories too count. I know I get between 800 to 1000 calories. I know I get around 60 to 80 grams of protein. I don't have a personal trainer. Cant afford it. I work out on my own. I try to get my heart rate up to 130 or 140 during cardio and I do several repeated reps alternating back and forth on multiple machines several times in a day. Right or wrong that's what I have been doing. I just broke my elliptical though. I got off here and got on for 30 minutes and I think the chain or something came off. I am not sure. Anyway Thanks for replying

WOW, I so could have written that!  I am 3 months out and lost 47 pounds...I am not on a stall like you but I have not lost any in 2 weeks and it's dealing me a huge blow to my emotional state. I have to meet with my surgeon on Thursday and I wanted to be close to 60 lbs as possible not sure what his expectations are (we haven't discussed it) but on avg i have lost 17 lbs a month not the 20 lbs like I saw on here....this month I'm down 14 and I lost that the first 2 weeks of August...so I know my body is trying to catch up but it doesn't help when I'm walking further, exercising more..doing way more around the house.   I wish I could say something to help, we have to live with the process and it will work...easier said than done huh?   

I started out close to you so I know where you are coming from....I just have to remind myself I'm losing it faster than I ever did on Weigh****chers and I have control....as of lately my life hasn't had alot of that with losing my job, living with a nut case himself and trying to make ends meet and get my bills paid.   Job Interviews are a completely different story....I feel like I'm trying so hard and trusting in God to help me so why am I having such a hard time finding a job.  

Hang in there chicka!! If you'd like to email and keep in touch that'd be great too!!

Take care and stay off the scale!! 

Sherry 

First  take a DEEP LONG CLEANSING BREATH.

Second: I don't think this is anything inherently wrong with obsessing about the numbers...but i think you are obsessing on the WRONG numbers.  The scale only tells a small portion of this journey.  Your body fat percentage, BMI, and measurements all combine with that scale number to give you a more complete view of this journey.   I know its hard because everyone asks "how much weight have you lost"...not "how many inches" or "how much stamina have you gained".  We've all been programed that those numbers on the scale are the only way to tell the story of our success.  That's not so and unfortunately only YOU can redefine success for yourself and break this cycle.  Also remember, the scale doesn't distinguish between muscle, bone density, and fat.  Your body's composition is MORE important and defined by MORE than just that number on the scale.

If you are loosing inches then you ARE loosing weight...its just not being reflected in the scale.  I'm in the same boat but I'm a year out and when I hit the six month mark I was trapped in the same war that you are.  What I had to do was redefine what "loosing" was for me. One thing that worked for me was getting a body fat measurement device.  Some people get the scales that can calculate both but I purchased an Omron Body Logic Fat Loss Monitor like what my trainer uses at the gym (here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Omron-Logic-Monitor-model-HBF-306C/dp/ B00006WNPU).  For me, when the scale did the dancing up/down game, it was rewarding to see my body fat percentages continue to go down.  At one point I started using it more than I did the scale.  I also take monthly measurements with my trainer and let me tell you it helps mentally.  Last month I only lost 3 pounds....THREE POUNDS.  But I lost 15 inches and a dress size and 2% body fat.  It put those three pounds in perspective greatly.  It helped me to "see" that I am still loosing, that my body IS getting smaller, and that I'm not done yet.

Keep exercising.  It pays off. It will.....I PROMISE!

Wait...you lost over 100 pounds in 3 months???  I haven't even hit 50 yet....ofcourse your bodying is resetting itself...it doesn't know what in the hell you have done to it and making it exert even more energy??   

I can sympathize but Dear God you've lost close to 150 pounds in 6 months...you need to slow down and enjoy the process....see a therapist because you need to deal with losing your friend and comforter....it's like a death of a parent.  If you don't...you will see regain because you are teaching yourself right now how to get around your surgery/tool. 

Sorry, I don't mean to come off sounding condescending but you are doing WONDERFUL!  Yes, it's a bytch that the scale isn't cooperating but it's only ONE measure of SUCCESS!  You are healthier, active and living life!  Isn't that what this is all about?? 

 Again hang in there, it's worth it....you've done amazing so far...you've got to give your body time to heal itself too!! 

Wish I could see that sort of progress but I guess I'm just one of those slow turtles.

Sherry

Ha!  Sherry I had the same thoughts when I reread and looked at the ticker.  I've only lost 143 pounds after an entire YEAR....and I wasn't considered a slow looser at all by the standards here.  143 pounds in 6 months is freaking off the charts!  Seriously...at 6 months I barely hit 100 pounds.  It took the next 6 months to get 43 pounds off!

I am sorry I sound so ungrateful for what I have already achieved. You just don't understand the way my head works. I can in all reality appreciate what I have accomplished and still beat myself up for not doing more. Its like I have a split personality. One is sane the other not so much!

You don't sound ungrateful at all....I totally understand how you feel...well somewhat.  Go back and reread my first post.  In it I gave some good tips on how to redefine what loosing and success is in this journey.  There is a reason why I gave those tips.  Success doesn't look the same for everyone.  Not all of us will get to be 140 pounds and a size 6.  It's important that you redefine what success is so that you have a number of ways to gauge your success rather than just the scale.

I'm glad to see that you understand that the obsession is not healthy and that you plan on seeking help.  I wish you the absolute best and hope that you are able to work past this.

Thank you again I did read your first post and that makes perfect sense to my rational mind. I have a great rational mind it just takes a back seat sometimes to my impulses and insanity. I really appreciate your encouragement and I will take it all to heart. Thanks again.