Are you $%#@&%#$@$ kidding me??

HI!

I wanted to share something that happened to me yesterday! I went by my mama's house yesterday to visit with her and my daddy and spend the day. When I started this WLS adventure, she was the one who brought up the idea of the surgery and encouraged me to pursue it even though my hubby did NOT like it! My mama has always been very critical of my weight and has always said she was concerned about me and my health. Even though...I would hear "you are such a pretty girl IF you would lose some weight"! That used to always make feel worthless, like a failure, and not good enough. I didn't ever have issues with my weight until birth control pills and 4 years of infertility, 4 miscarriages, and treatments. I was skinny!! I now have 2 beautiful babies but it took a toll of my body. So....yoyo dieting, starving, health issues, and feeling broken has been my life lately.

Having WLS was a huge step for me and it took a lot to get up the courage to have it BUT I decided to do it for me. I have always put everyone before me but this was something I did for ME!! I had honestly just given up and decided that I would just always be the overweight person in the room. I just gave up! So this was a complete 180 and I decided to take my life back! Health issues were a reality for me and they weren't going to get any better! 

SO...what happened!! When I was over there and we were eating lunch she actually said...".you don't eat enough and you don't drink enough. I hope you won't become anorexic!! Here... you need to eat more!" Are you @#$%&$#@%$ kidding me???   Did you just really say that to me!! 

OH MY HEAVENS!!! I can't win!! So today I have been kind of depressed and wondering what did I do to myself and did I do the right thing! That is really messing with my head. I want to be healthy not so much skinny but I know a huge weight loss will be a win win! I actually feel like I haven't lost enough so why bother!  Buyers remorse I guess! I feel like I am not losing enough fast enough! UGH!! 

Have any of you experienced anything like this? This forum has been such a huge help to me.Thanks for all the support! You all DO understand!

Amy 

I think you need to re-evaluate who you had the surgery for - for your mom, or for you?  You want to be healthy, so you had it for you.  It appears to me (and based on only this post) that your mom is not happy if she is not critiquing someone.  Don't let her issues affect your feelings.

Hi!

You are right. My mama is a wonderful and loving person but she has such a critical spirit about MOST things. I am also a fixer, pleaser and type A personality. I have spent my whole life trying to please everyone especially my mama! Straight A's in school and just in general having to be perfect!! I am 5'8" and weighed 120 in high school. She said I was overweight ( or needed to lose a few pounds)  and put me on a diet so I have been dealing with this crap for years! Never good enough! 

I had this surgery for ME ME ME!! MY body MY life and MY health!! It just is really hard and hurtful when the people who should accept and love you unconditionally find reasons to be so critical. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does a lot! She has always said you should tell the truth in love but that cuts really deep. You don't have to tell someone who is overweight that they are fat! GEEZ!! 

I guess I just needed to vent. A LOT of emotions right now and that really rubbed me the wrong way. I have been on an anti depressant for years and I hope to be taken off of that soon. One step, one day at a time. I just wished I had a bigger support system. I haven't told anyone I had surgery. They wouldn't give support they would give judgment.

Amy  

Well, if you need to vent, here is the place.  I do completely understand your feelings.  Just know that you have the support here, even if you are not getting it elsewhere.  And remember, we didn't get fat overnight, the weight is not going to come off overnight, and our feelings and attitude aren't going to change overnight.  One day at a time, and I think you are doing great!

Oh Amy - please remember that you chose to have this surgery for your own health and not to please anyone else; including our beloved Mommas!

Yes, people will try to 'feed' you for one reason or another.  Sometimes, it is out of true concern and sometimes it will be because sabotaging your healthy goals is about their issues.  Just smile, say no thanks and stick to your plan.  I am 2 years post op and people still try to feed me!!

As for slow weight loss...I so feel your pain.  I always felt like I lost slower than everyone else who was my size.  And we are smart women, we KNOW people loose it differently but I still compared myself and felt like a slow loser.  But over the course of a year and half, I had lost all my excess weight and you will too!  As long as you stick to your food plan and not let emotions, buyer's remorse, or Momma derail you!  You can do this!!

Pam

Tell your mom that you are working closely with your doctor and dietician about how much food you should be eating right now.  Thank her for her concern, but tell her that you will be following their expert advice and would feel more comfortable if she didn't comment on what or how much you eat.

I had a bit of this on Thanksgiving.  My family looked at my child-sized dinner plate with a tablespoon of everything I selected and started to give me sad faces.  What the....?!.  Little did they know that while they thought I was deprived, I was in seventh heaven!  I got to have a little taste of mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, noodles, a pull of my daughter's yeast roll....all the good things that I would have eaten seconds and thirds pre-op.  I thought it was a fantastic meal and afterward I went for a walk.  For once I didn't feel self-conscious about what I was eating and found a balance between everyday and once in a while.  Once I told them it was no big deal, they left me alone.  I like Kelly's suggestion! 

My mother is no longer with us, but when she was...feeding people was her mission in life.  I am the result of that!  Gosh, if we didn't eat when  visiting, it hurt her feelings.  I KNOW that if she were still with us, I'd be struggling with the same issue.  Not so much that she is sabotaging your diet (intake) but I think it's "old school" for a momma to feed everyone.  Food, in my house, was a reward, comfort, celebration, and just whatever other excuse could be thought of to eat.
Years ago, I was on a very healthy, slow weight loss program...and being quite successful with it, too.  It was a workable lifestyle change that I, and my husband (boyfriend at the time) were doing together.  All I heard from ALL of my family members was how sick I looked, that I was too thin, and some even asked if I was doing some sort of drugs.  Back then, it took no time at all for me to "listen" to what they were saying and change back to their way of eating.  
With the tool that we have now, we don't have to listen...know that you are doing what is right for you!  Talk with your mom and if she doesn't hear/understand...do what I used to do with my mom when I didn't want to argue.  I'd shake my head, agree and then do what I thought was best for me!  :)   
Focus on your goals.