how to deal with people post op who just don't get it...

i don't broadcast my surgery, but i certainly don't hide it either. i've gotten the following comments..

this guy i was talking to was totally sincere and just seemed genuinely confused. i explained the surgery and he said "well, what was the problem? could u just not stop eating or something?"  i just went straight into explaining how the surgery worked haha... like yeah, that was the problem, but damn i don't know how to explain that without sounding completely inferior.

the next one was at work and a very sweet, nice, and thin coworker said "oh, so you didn't need the surgery? it wasn't something that was necessary".  like if i wasn't going to die from not having it then obviously i'm just vain or something...

idk... it's not like i regret anything. yes, there's SLIGHT embarrassment, but that usually comes from me not knowing how to respond to these kinds of questions without actually feeling bad.

just feeling bummy is all...plus i have a cold today. might as well call me Sneezy lol

My working philosophy is If you are not important to me than I really couldnt care less what your opinion is on anything. If you are important to me you more than likely totally get why I did it and if not then I feel you are worth my effort and time to explain it. I dont waste my thoughts nor feelings on those who dont matter 

This^   x 10

 

fuckem!

You should never feel embarrassed. You took control of your life. What I found was that people who haven't had the surgery seem to be under this impression that it's just a quick fix or a magic button or something and they don't realize it's a lifestyle change. I am 6 weeks post op and have lost 95lbs since starting this journey (51 pre, 44 post) and I will tell anyone who will listen. Hold your head high and be happy that you're on your way to a new, healthy you!

You might remind them the rate of metabolism is not equal in all people.  Surgery helps those with low rates of metabolism like me. Then go into the below information.

 

The chemical processes by which cells produce the substances and energy needed to sustain life. As part of metabolism, organic compounds are broken down to provide heat and energy in the process called catabolism. Simpler molecules are also used to build more complex compounds like proteins for growth and repair of tissues as part of anabolism. Many metabolic processes are brought about by the action of enzymes. The overall speed at which an organism carries out its metabolic processes is termed its metabolic rate (or, when the organism is at rest, its basal metabolic rate). Birds, for example, have a high metabolic rate, since they are warm-blooded, and their usual method of locomotion, flight, requires large amounts of energy. Accordingly, birds usually need large amounts of high-quality, energy-rich foods such as seeds or meat, which they must eat frequently.

cellular respiration The process of cell catabolism in which cells turn food into usable energy in the form of ATP. In this process glucose is broken down in the presence of molecular oxygen into six molecules of carbon dioxide, and much of the energy released is preserved by turning ADP and free phosphate into ATP. Cellular respiration occurs as a series of chemical reactions catalyzed by enzymes, the first of which isglycolysis, a series of anaerobic reactions in which glucose (a 6-carbon molecule) is split into two molecules of lactate (a 3-carbon molecule), producing a net gain of two ATP molecules. In a series of aerobic reactions, lactate is converted to pyruvate, which enters the mitochondrion and combines with oxygen to form an acetyl group, releasing carbon dioxide. The acetyl group (CH3CO) is then combined with coenzyme A as acetyl coenzyme A, and enters the Krebs cycle. During this series of reactions, each acetyl group is oxidized to form two molecules of carbon dioxide, and the energy released is transferred to four electron carrier molecules. The electron carrier molecules then release their energy in a process that results in the pumping of protons (hydrogen ions) out across the inner membrane of the mitochondrion. The potential energy of the protons generated by one acetyl group is later released when they recross the membrane and are used to form three molecules of ATP from ADP and phosphate in the process of oxidative phosphorylation. The pyruvate from one molecule of glucose drives two turns of the Krebs cycle. Thus, during cellular respiration one molecule of glucose, as well as oxygen, ADP, and free phosphate are catabolized to yield six molecules of carbon dioxide and an increase in usable energy in the form of eight molecules of ATP.

 Now once you recite this to them, they won't want to bring the subject up again and you certainly will not look like a dummy any longer.  The first couple of sentences will probably be enough.

 

 

I have had more negative comments from people suince my rny. Nobody said anything to me when i was just under 300 pounds. I only told one coworker. For me i put that energy that i get from those negative comments into my next exercise routine. It helps me. I feel like i need to put on my invisible coat of arms. To deal with the negative people and comments. I had the surgery for my health and to better my life. TAll the best.

No one ever had the nerve to say anything to my face (I can be a ***** and always have been). I'm not sure I would even try to explain things to someone who already made up their mind. Obesity is an epidemic in our country. If it were just a matter of "stop eating" none of us would need surgery.

The best revenge is living well. And smiling in your new clothes as you get thinner.

I have a few things I say when people makes these kinds of comments to me, but I tend to have a sharp tongue, short patience, and a gift for sarcasm. Meaning: I don't necessarily recommend that you handle things the way that I do, but you're welcome to steal my words, if you think they'll help. ;) I work on the general premis that if someone is going to be rude and inappropriate to me, then they get a taste of their own medicine. I try to avoid being truly hurtful, but I'll make the point. I aim to embarrass them (and if people are making obnoxious, invasive, ignorant comments IMO they should be embarrassed.)

I tend to say things like:

"Just eat less?! Why didn't I think of that?!"

"I had no idea you went to medical school! I should have had my highly trained, experienced, doc specializing in obesity consult with you!"

"If I had known you were such an expert in my life, I would have asked for your opinion ages ago!"

"What goes around comes around". Years ago someone in my family said to me, "If I had your problem, well I would just stop eating". Like I had not tried for years to do just that. Well today I am thin and confident that I will be for the rest of my life,and guess what? You got it. That person who would just stop eating is fatter than a _________ you fill in the blank. So just ignore the comments. Most folks do not know the pain path we have to walk every day. We may have been big, but our little hearts are just as fragile as anyone else and things do hurt even when sometimes people say things they regret later. 

I haven't had anyone say anything like that directly to my face yet, but I can tell one of my sisters-in-law thinks I took the easy way out. She is only about 30 lbs overweight, but she constantly makes comments about wishing she could have gastric bypass because then she wouldn't have to work so hard to lose weight. Of course, what she doesn't seem to notice is that I choose not to eat the junk she eats and I exercise more than her!

Most people who know about my RNY are very supportive. It was pretty obvious I was in bad shape (362 lbs at 5'5") and the people who care about me are glad I took the step to improve my health. For me, I look at it as a necessary medical procedure just as someone might need to have a coronary bypass to improve their health or save their life, I needed a gastric bypass for the same reason.

I do avoid telling most people exactly how many pounds I have lost because I can't stand the looks of shock when they realize how much I must have weighed to start.