Ladies - Libido Post Surgery?

Hey Ladies! I thought I would throw something a little personal out there to see if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

My libido has been insanely low (comparatively) within the last year or so (since I gained most of the weight.) I've read that sometimes it improves after surgery, and sometimes it gets worse. It's a major bummer for me (and my guy), and I'm wondering if anyone has been through this? If so, how does it compare post op? Is it better, worse, the same? And what are some of the methods you've used to try and 'get your groove back'?

Thanks in advance!

I haven't gone through surgery yet, but it sounds like maybe your self confidence is burned a little because you've gained most of your weight back.

I think that the improvement after surgery is due to the gained self-confidence and self-esteem due to the weight loss.

I haven't done any research on how hormones are affected post surgery, especially the ones which help your sex drive. I suggest reading some Cosmo mags, find ways to be OK with your body, have your guy compliment your body, and work on it together. Make 1 night a week your romantic night, sexual or non-sexual. If 1 night a week seems too much, find a schedule that works for the two of you.

If you're not doing it yet, I also suggest getting into counseling for yourself, or for you and your guy. Sometimes learning how to communicate with each other can be a hindrance in the bedroom. I couldn't figure out why my husband and I hadn't had sex in 6 months. I tried everything I could think of to get him interested, nothing worked. Finally, through counseling he told me that my weight turned him off which was why he didn't want to have sex with me.

I don't think your situation is the same as mine, but finding ways to talk it out with your husband, or take small steps towards being more intimate might help. Holding hands, snuggling, kissing... non-sexual things. It might help you warm up. Those are just my 2 cents. I hope the suggestions help.

Thanks so much for the tips and words of wisdom! I really appreciate it. I've just started seeing a therapist, so I'm hoping that (mixed with the surgery) will help improve the situation. I'm lucky because my guy and I have excellent communication. We discuss it all the time, we're very open about everything.

I do believe it probably has a lot to do with my self esteem and confidence. I think beginning a schedule (as you suggested) might be one of the best routes to take.

Thanks again and take care! : )

Going through the same thing...  It's been going on for the last year and half for us and I am 8 weeks post-op and still not feeling it.   grrrrr...  Very aggravating.   I was hoping weight loss would help but so far it hasn't... I also just went through menopause to at the age of 48 so wondering if that has anything to do with it...  Glad you brought this up maybe someone out there can help us figure this out. 

That may very well have something to do with it. I did speak with my Doctor, maybe you could try the same? After speaking with her I chose to start seeing a therapist. I really hope it improves as the time goes by now that you are post op. I wish all the best to you!

The menopause thing can definitely throw things off; naturally or hysterectomy.  I've had my hormones tested and they are way off; my GNY doesn't seem concerned where my hematologist said something needs to be done.  I've taken some natural remedies and don't notice any differences.  I'll have my labs pulled in July and will have hormones pulled again. 

omg Lee..same here :/ It really sucks. I just have NO desire to. And my poor husband has been more than understanding about it. I asked this question like a month or 2 ago. I really hope it improves after surgery.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. Trust me, I know how badly it sucks! It's really not fun, and it's frustrating. I had a perfectly healthy appetite for it before, but it seems to be completely gone. I'm glad your guy has been so understanding. Mine has been as well, or who knows where we'd be right now?

I do too! Hopefully this will bring about some tips from people as well.

I hope it improves for you down the line too. Good luck!

Hi Lee,

My libido has been terrible for the last few years, for many reasons. I had a baby in March 2010 and afterwards I got postpartum depression really bad, then I was put on effexor (which can inhibit your libido). In 2011, I was diagnosed with lung clots, which made breathing very difficult and therefore, not a lot of mobility happening (exercise) so that contributed to my low self-esteem around my body image.

Between April 2010 and February 2013 I gained about 30 lbs (and I was already plus size to begin with). I felt so bad about my body, it was the biggest I had ever been, I was tired all the time & in pain, I just didn't want my husband to come near me. I couldn't understand how he could possibly be attracted to me!

Since October 2012 I have been slowly weaning myself off of the effexor (under my doctor's guidance) and it has just been in the last week that I have not taken any effexor. Yay!

I had my surgery on March 12/13 and have lost about 50 lbs since I started the process.

With all of these changes, I am starting to notice an increase in my libido. Its not huge yet, but now I am interested in sex and actually look forward to it. Definitely losing the weight has helped me feel better about my body and to be quite honest, I just feel like my husband and I fit together better now, lol, which makes being together more enjoyable.

I also believe and hope that the effects of the effexor will slowly wear off too and that will help my libido come back. Before having my daughter, I had no problems in the bedroom! I know my husband misses that a lot, and so do I, lol!

Communication is key with this type of situation. We didn't talk about it for a long time and it was leading in a very bad direction (possible separation, he thought I didn't love him anymore and/or I wanted to leave him, which was not the case at all). For the last year and a half or so, we discuss it regularly and openly. We don't leave anything out and I know that has saved our marriage. Good luck!

Thanks so much for your advice! I appreciate you sharing your story. I'm glad you find that it's coming back slowly. I'm sure that once you're off the medication, you'll be able to get back to a 'normal' sexual appetite. I truly wish you all the best! : )