Reflection First Trip Away With Friends Post Op

This weekend I was all over the place with emotions and eating.   My husband and I went away with friends of ours to an outdoor concert and stayed at a hotel.  Pre-surgery, and for them, it was an all day drink and eat fest.  We went out to lunch beforehand on the water.  I had 1/2 a protein bar for lunch, and a glass of chardonnay while everyone else ate.  I had 1 1/2 glasses and was DRUNK.  Then we went to the concert, I only drank water and the second half of my protein bar.  I was sober shortly after, very bizarre experience.  The rest of the night was water and a coffee for me. Keep in mind, before I get lectures, this was a planned drink that I had discussed with my surgeon and NUT.  

After the concert we went back to the hotel, which had pool tables, darts, a nice bar, a pool, etc, you get the idea.  We all had dinner at the bar.  We started with some hummus and crackers which I was able to partake in.  I then tried about three small bites of a chicken quesadilla, which did NOT go down well and I threw up.  I spent the rest of the night (5-1am) up with everybody while they were drinking and just being frustrated that I couldn't eat and drink like I used to.  I felt like the outcast, and really just wanted to go to the hotel gym and sit in the hot tub.  I did leave the group for a bit to sit in the hot tub by myself, and enjoyed playing pool with my husband a lot.  

It just made me realize how permanent this change is.  Typically, I would be on a diet right now.  I am down 60 lbs, and feeling pretty good.  I still have over 100 to go to goal, but right now is when I would normally start cheating. Realizing I physically cannot cheat is a very emotional experience.  I am realizing that I don't enjoy doing the things I used to.  I don't enjoy being around people drinking all day.  I don't really enjoy drinking anymore.  Vacations are different, spending time with friends are different.  And this is scary.  

I am going to go see my therapist about all of this, but I thought I'd discuss it here as well to see if anyone can relate, which I'm sure you can.  We have a trip coming up in October with these same friends, and another 10 couples in a big mansion.  It is a free vaca for the most part, and I was really excited about it.  But knowing it is going to be very similar to this past weekend and an all weekend drink/eat fest, I am finding myself dreading it.

Sounds like a big change for you. I have never been much of a drinker so no one in my lifestyle drinks.  I'm a loner to began with and biggroups cause me to file off by myself and enjoy the quiet. Find a new balance. There must be others who don't drink all night? Or partake in the parta that suit you and do what you need to do for you.

My surgery was 7/9/14 and just got back from a long weekend road trip. I can absolutely relate to your frustration and sadness. You are absolutely right, there is no cheating here or you WILL pay for it. 

For me, it was really difficult in these aspects: the choice of food in restaurants was depressing, and I was unable to sync with the others' eating schedule. Not to mention, I was silently guilt-tripped for not finishing my plate. I can guarantee if I finished my plate I would have vomited several times over. The portion sizes are ridiculous, even when asking for a child-size or half portion. It angered me when people assumed "oh she won't eat so she doesn't need a menu", when I was out at a restaurant just like other folks. I felt like people were disappointed in my inability to participate more than I was in myself. My hunger is largely gone, and I brought my own food, but I still enjoy eating some HOT food once in a while.

However, did you notice a difference in your energy level and general enjoyment of your activities? I certainly did, in a positive way. I kept up and even exceeded energy levels of the other people I was traveling with. Did you feel less controlled by incessant hunger and need for giant portions, no longer a slave to feeding the carb crash cycle? These are some huge positives I noticed in myself. In any case, completely feel you. Eating is very much a communal event when out with friends and family, and one can easily feel like an outsider as we no longer are able to participate in these traditions. However, it is worth it to consider that these traditions helped solidify our weight problems because they may have encouraged bad behaviors that were simply waiting to get out of control. 

Do folks with normal relationships with food pig out once in a while and move on? Of course. Did I move on as they did? No. I had an unhealthy relationship with food which required an extreme disassociation with the pleasure aspect of food in order to quell my addiction. Not saying this was your issue, but it certainly was mine. Think of it this way: regardless of what your issue was, you are in the process of redeveloping a healthy and beneficial relationship with food. It's a tough process, but you can measure your success with how much better you feel. 

Thank you, I really needed to read this.  Yes, my energy level was great, hence wanting to be at the gym instead of the bar, that is certainly a first in my adult life.  I too had a similar relationship with food.  It wasn't about eating good food, or even hot food, it was about wanting to binge on large amounts of food.  Seeing my relationship with food on this end of surgery really makes me realize I truly needed this surgery. 

I loved playing pool with my husband.  We were even discussing joining a local league of some sort once a month or something.  I wouldn't have to drink, I could just go have fun.  I was able to do it for hours, on my feet.  Pre-surgery my back would have been aching and I would have wanted to sit and eat instead.

Also, the plus side of not drinking, is you see how foolish people act.  I am not envious of being in that position, and am really liking the sober, controlled, put together me.  My relationship with my husband is getting so much better, he has been so supportive so far throughout my journey.

Yes, it is a huge adjustment!!!  Presurgery, everything on vacation revolved around where I was going to eat.  I was never much of a drinker, so that's not an issue now.  I find that I have less in common with the people that I used to spend time with, because I had friends that liked to eat for entertainment, as I did.  Now that it takes me a few minutes to eat and there's not always good options for me at restaurants, it is a little harder.  I started having different interests and making different friends.  It's hard to get used to, but you will.  Food has been replaced with shopping.  Now that I can wear the cutest clothes, I would rather spend my time on vacation shopping than eating!  You'll figure it all out.  I never realized how much food controlled my life until I had the surgery!!

Yes, I don't want to drift from friends, but it just isn't as fun anymore.  And if I want to become the healthier me, I have to be OK letting those things go.  I think I just need to make going out and vacations more activity based and less about the food/drinks.  Just a big realization to come to, especially when you no longer have a choice.

Tomorrow will be 6 weeks weeks since I had surgery, I have had a 60th birthday party, a family reunion, two weddings and on Saturday I am going to my third wedding since the surgery, yikes! The first wedding I couldn't eat anything, and I asked them to wrap the dinner and it's still in my freezer. These ladies sitting at my table, who I didn't know, both leaned across the table and were like - You haven't eaten anything- I just replied I just had surgery and can't eat it right now. It was kind of comical. To feel festive I asked the bartenders to give me water with fruit and a splash of cranberry on top. You don't know how many people said- That looks good, what is it?... And I made them put it in a wine glass, no soda glass. In the ****tail hour I would put a little food on my plate even if i wasn't going to eat it... just part of being social. My point is the first one is the hard one, it will get easier. Be proud of what you are doing and focus on the positive. Good Luck!