I am back and I really missed OH! And what do you think about bounce back weight?

My computer is finally fixed!  Well, nearly fixed.  It still turns off for no good reason on a regular basis but...  it hates me, I can't change that :)

I really need OH right about now.  My family is still in crisis (my dad had a stroke) and at 25 months out I am finding it harder and harder to maintain my weight.  So the daily OH check ins feel really necessary right now. 

I am trying to figure out how to emotionally cope with bounce back weight. I maintained my lowest weight for about 10 months and then I gained back 5 lbs.  And then another 5.  I maintained that for another couple of months.  I am on the upper range of that now.  I really liked my lowest weight and I was pretty comfy even after that first five.  But these last five, nope, hate it.  My clothes don't fit, I am up a full size and my body feels so much bigger.  But I realize that some of that is just weird body image.  I mean, there is a different between a six and an eight but really, not THAT much.  So the main thing for me is that I was comfortable where I was and used to that and now my body feels a little alien to me.  At my very lowest I felt really tiny, like actually skinny.  I had never ever felt that.  I am a bit sad that I am not still there.  As I re-read this I realize how ridiculous some of it is.  I remember being 255 pounds and PRAYING that maybe someday I could be a size 16 or be less than 200 pounds and here I am complaining.  But this weight loss surgery journey messes with my head sometimes.  As you all know, that first year is pretty easy.  At this point I feel pretty much exactly like I did pre-op.  I get really hungry, I can eat a lot, I have some restriction but I can get in heaps of trouble with my eating.  Mostly though, emotional hunger has returned with a vengeance.  And I am SO SAD about that.  It was so incredible to be free of that post-op.  And I am just really sad that I had a little glimpse of that and now it is gone.  I mean, at least the weight is mostly gone, but it would be nice if that horrible food obsession/head hunger stuff could have permanently stayed gone as well.

Also, it does not help ONE BIT that I am dealing with some crazy GI thing and by mid afternoon I am so bloated that I look 8 months pregnant, literally.   Eight.   Months.  Pregnant.  So, that is certainly not helping with self image.  Even when I am wearing my new bigger pants by the end of the day they are cutting deep into my belly.  

I feel like I have three options: 

1.  accept that I have regained 10 pounds and work hard to maintain that and just deal with the fact that I am bigger

2.  try to lose those 5-10 pounds, though I literally have NO IDEA how I would do that since almost ANY attempts at dieting lead me to LOSE MY MIND

3.  get discouraged and start eating everything in sight and gain back the other 90 pounds and then some (I have made that unfortunate choice in the past)

Hmmm, acceptance seems like the only sane choice right now.  I could always try to lose later when my medical stuff gets straightened out.

That being said, I would welcome ideas and thoughts about:

-how to emotionally cope with bounce back weight 

-skills to cope with maintenance

-how folks deal with any grieving over the loss of easy weight loss and lack of hunger

Thank you!  so glad to be back!!

You once said something to me that made a lot of sense.  It was something like, we have to weigh (no pun intended) the weight we want to be against what it would take to get there.  We have to settle on, and accept, a weight we can maintain and still live a life we want to live.  Something like that.

I wish I was 10 or 15 lbs smaller.  I did have some bounce back weight.  I actually lost a few of those pounds but I'm still above my lowest weight.  But I am happy and satisfied with my daily eating.  I don't binge, I don't gorge myself on carbs or sweets, but I have treats when I want them and I eat food I like and I don't go hungry.  I don't want to try to live on lettuce and ignore hunger pains.  I walk a lot currently with my dog but that's my only exercise (we walk about three miles a day).  I don't want to exercise more.  I don't like exercise, I can't really afford to join a gym or hire a trainer, and I have fibromyaglia which makes a lot of exercise painful.  So if I was willing to feel hungry and give up food I like and exercise more even though I hate it and it hurts me, I could get back down to my lowest weight.  But do I want to live like that?

And would I want to keep that up forever?  Because if I didn't, I'd just gain those 10 or 15 pounds back again.  I know I don't want to live like that forever.

But then my choice is to accept my present weight.

Honestly, I think acceptance is a good goal, even if you do decide to try to lose five pounds later on.  You can love and accept yourself AND have goals for things you want to work on.  Those aren't mutually exclusive.

And you know what things work for you.  It's hard to stick to those things when you're dealing with a lot of stress and emotional eating seems like an easy way to deal with hard stuff.  But you know other ways to do it.  And you know you can do hard things.

I can do hard things!  I CAN do hard things!!

I never really believed that I would have Bounceback and was at 30 months out when I gained five pounds.  That happened for three months in a row.  I went from 128 to 142 and joined Weigh****chers.  I exercised, followed the plan and did not see progress.  Finally I just accepted it and bought bigger clothes. 

Then about a year later, I started eating less.  And suddenly I was losing a pound a week.  Not a lot but I was not trying at all.  It took a few months and I ended up at my goal of 136.  I am comfortable there.  I did figure out that I need to eat 1400 calories a day to maintain and I need to cut 250 a day to lose a half pound a week.  I use My Fitness Pal and wear a Vivofit to track my steps and calories. 

I realize that I can never just completely relax and eat any or everything.  I stay high protein and low carb, but nothing extreme.  I do weigh myself every morning so that I stay out denial.

I didn't think I would have any bounceback either!  But here I am.  The other thing is, I am smack in the middle of perimenopause and plenty of women gain some weight in there.  So maybe it is bounceback or maybe perimenopause or who knows.  I have learned that I can't be extreme.  It just messes with me and I can't stay with it.  I am trying to find a way to eat that allows me to be happy with both my food and also my body.  It is a tricky balance sometimes.  Thanks so much for your reply!

I echo what both Kelly and White Dove said.

I set a fairly conservative goal weight based on my inherited body type.  I got to that weight, and then got a few pounds below it, and then bounced 5 pounds almost as soon as I hit goal (well, it seemed that way, anyway!).  I really would have liked to have gotten down another 5-10 pounds below my goal weight, but I don't think that is reasonable since the only place I have any fat left to speak of is on my thighs.  I found it reasonably easy to maintain at the weight just a couple of pounds above my goal (which put me right on the line of a "normal" BMI), but I already have to eat 1400 calories or less to maintain that weight, so cutting down the calories further is difficult and even when I do it results in weight loss of only about a pound every 2-3 weeks!  

I cannot continue to eat only 1000-1200 calories per day and still get all my protein in for very long.  What it boils down to is that I do not have a single digit size body but I can maintain a size 10/12 body and still have occasional less than healthy meals and a small snack every day.  Even if I managed to stay on a "diet" (which is what 1000-1200 calories a day IS) long enough to lose another 10 pounds or so, I don't think I could maintain it without having to be extra strict about what I eat.  Being one clothing size smaller just isn't worth me feeling like I am on a diet for the rest of my life! Give me the extra size and the ability to just feel as if I make healthy food choices 90% of the time and the ability to enjoy my food without stressing.

I think it is important to be both happy and healthy, and that we need to be physically as well as psychologically/emotionally healthy.  That extends to beyond the number on your clothing tags or on the scale.  If you CAN be happy at a slightly higher weight, then that is fine.  If you cannot be happy at that weight, though, and are going to constantly best yourself up for those extra few pounds, maybe it is worth the food and/or exercise sacrifice to try to lose those pounds again.

Lora

p.s.  option three is NOT an option, of course!!

Thanks Lora, I was hoping you wold reply!  I think you are right.  This has to be doable.  If I can't be happy ten pounds lighter then I probably won't stay ten pounds lighter for long.  And after 35 years of ferocious dieting, another diet that has me at 1200 calories a day is simply impossible.  It is like something deep within the cells of my body just FREAKS OUT when I do that.  If was fine that year after surgery of course but beyond that, I just can't do it.  I really appreciate the feedback!

And bouncing back and forth in weight, yo-yoing, isn't healthy, not physically or emotionally.  So stressing yourself out to lose five or 10 pounds only to gain them back soon after is really not a good idea.

Just wanted to say what a heartfelt post and I'm sorry about all you're going through. 

    The three replies, I have to say, I enjoyed reading. Just sounds like a healthy way to deal with rebound weight gain after being at goal for some time and I hope I can keep  that same attitude if and when I get to that point. Thanks ladies. 

I am 10 years out and have recently had some bounce back weight, but I rallied against it and now am back to my feel great weight.  In fact losing the 10lbs was so easy I hope to lost 10lbs more just because.  When I started this whole process I had 119lbs as my goal, and made it as far as 136lbs, and settled into this very comfortably.  Now I want to try to get to 125lbs.