so disappointed in myself and worried about denial

Just got back from my last required nutritional class and it was another gain.  first appointment, gained 6 lbs, 2nd lost 2 lbs and gained 4 at today's weigh in.  The NUT told me one patient just got denied and has to start all over with the 6 mos of classes.

I'm so disgusted I gave myself a headache.  They are waiting for the psych eval and then will submit to the ins co.  I'm going to be a mess until I hear something.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent.

Crystal

 I know it is a terrible experience- but here is what I had to do starting Jan. Eliminate all sodas (diet or straight period), gatorades, sugar added fruit juices, and all bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes.  I took fibre supplements.

Weight loss was not the only benefit I got- my complexion cleared up, my vision improved, my blood pressure lowered, and I lost over forty pounds pre-op.  Nothing complicated.

My last fourteen days was a water fast with a high protien meal every four days.  I lost 1.5 lbs a day on the water fast.

Did it suck! YES- I actually grieved over my favorite foods as if i had lost a friend.  I am not exaggerating.  I am a big country man- very macho. But I still found I cried over some things especially after dreaming about them.

There is a reason that the bible made such a big deal about Jesus  doing a forty day water fast.  Diet change is one of the most emotional dificult things to do.  I'd say just as hard as giving up cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs.  Otherwise we all wouldn't have bmi's in the forties and fifties?

Now that I am post op- I hope I never have to redo that experience again.  Except for maybe prayer.

JB

Thank you.  I've been so weak lately and giving in to temptation.  I just hope it won't take a very long time to find out if I have to start all over.

My daughter is getting married in Sept and I was sooo hoping to be a much smaller size by then

 Here is  gross trick I would (and sometimes still do) I learned from the movie Rocky.

I would take a bite of whatever was tempting me chew it up savor it then spit it out.  Sometimes an entire meal!  yeah it's gross but it got me past the temptations.  I still do it with french fries!

The thing is I want the experience of tasting and chewing not the swallowing.

Biggest drawback- it's gross and poor manners.

JB

Oh friend, it also *can be* the start of incredibly disordered eating. I know you do not mean for it to be that, but you can ask the folks who now do it on a regular basis and cannot tolerate swallowing about how quickly it can turn bad.  :{ 

 Ah- I dont have a problem swallowing.  I was simply stating how I got past my temptations.  This is not something I do regularly.

I eat all my meals and snacks regularly.

But if I find that I have popped something in my mouth I shouldn't have I will spit it out.   It's better to do that than to swallow and experience the pain of overeating on a sleeve or swallowing something I shouldn't.

Example I was eating broiled fish had about two or three bites and while I was eating my fourth bite i suddenly felt very full. Instead of swallowing I spit it out.  Another time my kid had a happy meal and without thinking I popped a couple fries in my mouth. As I was chewing I realized what I done and spit it out.

I did one time take one bites too many and I swallowed it and the pain was excrutiating.

Now when I was on my water fast I did alot of that stuff.  I just couldn't  always keep the food out of my mouth back then.

I am very sensitive to eating disorders (look at my other posts) and I did not want people to think I was advocating this to be a common practice, but only a tool to get past a difficult start.

JB

I really do get it.  I just work with/around a lot of psych folks with all sortsa disorders, this being a big one that sneaks up on folks. 

Better to always be a kind prodder than stand by and watch the train wreck, ya know? 

 Exactly!  You keep prodding away I'd rather have to clarify my actions than to recuperate my consequences.

JB

be kind to yourself!  if this were easy then we wouldn't be getting this tool to use!  i agree with jb's idea of taking a bite and spitting it out.  when i was 2 wks post-surgery and craving a taco, the doc's office suggested that i just have my partner go to Taco Bell, get a taco, dump the filling out and crunch on that taco and spit it out.  it was actually very satisfying.  there's always the dish-soap trick,  to make whatever's left after you eat a little unpalatable.

anyway, like i said, be nice to yourself while you're waiting to find out.  i'll be thinking good thoughts.  (((((((hugs)))))