I feel like a liar - long, sorry

When I had surgery I was super embarassed that I had it - honestly, I felt like a failure for getting so heavy in the first place and needing surgery to correct my behavioral problem.  I could barely even bring myself to tell family and I still haven't told some of my best friends (I'm waiting until I see them to tell them - surprise!).  So I told everybody I was having hiatal hernia surgery for GERD (which I did have along with my VSG).  After months of reflection and recovery, I don't feel that way anymore, so I'm more ok with telling people about my surgery now.  Today at work, a few people were mentioning that my clothes were falling off me (they are size 20!) and they asked how I was losing weight so fast, so I just decided to tell them.  They were all very supportive, but kind of laughed and said they had wondered why it took me so long before I felt better after my hernia surgery.  I told them I was embarassed to tell everybody at the time and that I did have hernia surgery and my recovery had more to do with my incisions (ow!) than my VSG - all true.  But I felt kind of bad, like I am a liar.  I know my medical business is private (I'm in the medical field), but I feel like when the news of my surgery leaks out (I didn't tell them to keep it secret) that people will feel like I lied to them, which I sort of did.  Other than keeping it secret forever, I can't see any way around this issue.  I feel like I should have been truthful from the beginning, but I just couldn't do it.  Just so you know I told everybody that I was watching my weight using a very low calorie, low carb, medically supervised diet - again not a lie, but not the truth.  

I guess I just need a little reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for not telling the full truth.  My dad was right - he says never lie, it's not worth it.

 Don't beat yourself up about it.  If you weren't comfortable sharing before that is ok.  The part that stuck out to me in your story was the fact that you admitted to your co-workers you were embarrassed to tell the truth before.  I find complete honesty works out better...so if anyone feels like you "lied" you can just honestly tell them you weren't comfortable sharing and were a little embarrassed...no one can blame you or be mad at you for that!

Good Luck! 

As aforementioned, it's really no one's business but those that you decide to share with. Not telling people YOUR personal business doesn't make you a LIAR. You chose not to tell them at the time, simply because you weren't comfortable in doing so. You have that RIGHT!! Also, everything you told them was part of the WHOLE TRUTH, even if you didn't initially tell them that. I don't think you're a horrible person, and I really don't think you should think twice about it! What's done is done, and there's nothing you can do to take it back! Your life and your business is simply that.....YOURS! If you decide to invite someone else to share in your journey, they should feel priviledged, whether it's from the beginning, in the middle, or even at the end!!! 

I had a similar situation I had a hiatal hernia as well that was repaired during my sleeve surgery and when I was scheduled for surgery I didn't tell my family and friends either. The only people who knew was my husband and kids and a friend that I had watch them while I was in the hospital and my husband had to work.  I personally didn't tell them because I didn't want to hear the pro's and con's of how they felt about me having such a huge procedure and life change.  I didn't want them to put fear in me and I would have fear when being put to sleep.  I'm only 6 weeks out and still haven't told everyone. I have told some people and they were relieved to hear from me cause not only did I not  tell them I didn't call them for 1 month post op and wouldn't return there calls either. I felt like I would be obligated to tell them if I did speak to them.  I had to be OK with myself and the changes I was going threw before I open my mouth to say I made this change. 

In time you will realize you had to mentally really mentally prepare yourself to believe you actually done the procedure before you feel comfortably discussing the procedure with those around you and if that consist of saying a little bit then so be it.  They don't have to walk in those shoes of yours or change your clothes let alone look at the changes your body is going through from that point on and if there is someone who is making you feel bad tell them when there ready to support you then come talk to you until then I don't need the negativity.

Luna-

Know exactly how you feel.  I haven't had surgery yet but I'm not planning on telling the world.  I've worked through the feelings of guilt and failure already but I just don't think it's anyone's business but mine.

You're in the medical field so you know about HIPPA.  Just consider it to be HIPPA practice.  You were practicing HIPPA.    I don't see how maintaining your personal privacy is lying to anyone!

Hang in there and take pride in the fact that your coworkers are noticing the weight loss, your health is improving and life is good!

Cindi

Thanks everybody, you are all right and I feel a lot better having your support.  OH is the best!!!!!!

I knew if I didnt give full disclosure, I would feel disingenous. To *me* lying by omission IS still lying.  Its not for EVERYONE but, it is to me, and that's what mattered most to (me).  And most especially because people had seen me up and down the scale, my weight chart looked like somebody's ekg :} If *I* were them and someone was selling me just eat less and exercise more?  yea.. right.  But the onl reason I *would* have asked (were I them) was because I was looking for help also. 

Anyway, I didnt tell a lot of folks beforehand because I didnt care to be burdened with their neuroses, their stories about their brother's father's mother's sister's hairdresser and their horrible rny or stomach stapling stores, but knew I would give full disclosure after surgery, when they didnt feel compelled to "change my mind."  And for me, I know I was ashamed to have *needed* help, but not to have gotten it, so that was something to wrassle with too.

Course its always your decision to tell or not to tell, ANYTHING, but there is sure beauty in freedom of not having to remember what you told whom!

Either way!  What is is, and cant be undone, so you just do whatever is the next good thing! yea?  Yea!

You didn't do anything wrong!
But I feel the same way as you do...
It's awkward...because I told a couple of people the whole story. 
My husband told several people the whole story, when I didn't want him to.
So then after I was upset, he told a couple of people either an incomplete story (a surgery to improve my health) and actually one false story (that the surgery was a female surgery)...
The problem with all of this....is that most of these people know each other!
Do you think the whole truth won't spread around? Yeah right....hahaha
I was more annoyed when he told the lie....and now...I'm like WTH...might as well blab to everyone. 
I was embarassed too, and didn't really want to talk about my weight with people and the reasons for getting WLS...but once this weight falls off, I think it will be pointless to not just give full disclosure...
One really positive thing....in my husband's spilling the beans...he actually found 2 people for me to meet locally, that also had the VSG, that I never would have had for support otherwise!

Your body, your decisions, your privacy.  If you want to share, do so, and it was fine that you did NOT want to as well. 
You're taking care of yourself the best way you know, and if people are not OK with that, it's their problem, not yours. 
I too limit what I share with others, but also choose not to lie, although, like you, I could pu**** into the "lying by omission" category if I try.   
Continue to take care of yourself, and realise you're doing the best you can with what you've got.  No regrets, just learning opportunities.
Take care.

Just explain to people when they find out that you only wanted positive support and that is why you didn't share it. My suggestion, send out an email to those you care about....explain and then don't worry about the rest.

Only tell those you care about, and don't worry what the others will say!