I have a dilemma

Soooo my husband told me yesterday I need to stop losing.. He is deployed so all he sees is pictures, the most recent one I sent I did look thin but I think it was the angle.. he left in July and I have lost 20lbs since then... he has never seen me at this weight because I am smaller than when I met him at 15 (yay me ) my original goal was 136.. I now weigh 126.4 I thought I may be happy at 125 but I am thinking I was just going to let my weight keep going since healthy bmi for my height is anywhere between 106 and 139.... granted 106 is certainly to small for me.. my current bmi is 22 and I thought maybe a bmi of 20 would be good to aim for which is about 117. I am 26, 5'3 and I don't think I am big boned just normal. .. how do I come back with a good response to him when I still have my eyes set on a smaller number?? Its all vanity. .but I don't look unhealthy. . I don't have any deficiencies .. I think he just likes curves and me telling him I want to be thin and not fat isn't cutting it anymore LOL help!!

Is there a magic bmi number I should aim for?

I think you have to be comfortable in the skin you are in...and comfortable too with what you look like, what you and your doctor think, and what your husband thinks.

It is a balancing act that we are not really equipped to deal with -- or at least I know I'm not. I have never had "control" over what my weight was or was not. If I dieted, it would never last more than a couple months and my weight never seemed within my own control.

Now, at the advanced age of 55; I am finally able to have that control, (or at least more control !!!) but this whole thing is kind of weird !!! I would pick a target, and when you hit it, tell yourself that it is an experiment in learning how to maintain a weight -- and do that for a few months. Once you maintain a weight that you are comfortable with, you will REALLY see HOW comfortable you are at that weight, medically, emotionally, husbandly (new word)..... if it's not working for you, you can change things up by a few pounds either way...

Great Job !!!!

BMI numbers are very misleading.  Body fat analysis will give you a much more accurate number for you to then justify your weight loss, stopping weight loss, etc.  Check out the Tanita Ironman or iron girl scale.  It will tell you body fat, muscle mass, % water, etc.

Then, once you have that info, there are plenty of charts that will tell you HEALTHY percentages for a female of your age range.  :)

These changes in a person can be very stressful on the entire relationship.  He may be concerned about your health, or others finding you attractive or you yourself finding other men attractive. 

Best,

Chris

I'm planning on having a DEXA scan done for this very reason.   We all have different bone structure so BMI is only part of the "picture."  I have a friend who is my height (5'1") and weighs about 110 pounds.  I would look ill at that number.  I'm shooting for 120 pounds.  The scan will tell me my lean muscle mass/body fat percentage so I can determine the correct wt for me.  BTW, you look fabulous!  ~Jennifer

Here is a great chart!  BTW...your bone mass will not influence the body fat analysis of the scale I referenced.  I have the scale and it will even track your bone density.  Bone mass will influence BMI but not electronic analysis of body fat performed by scales such as the Tanita.  That is why WLS offices use the Tanita.  This way, you will know, in the comfort of your home, your body fat percentages on a daily basis.  Don't use the body fat analysis part of the scale when you wake up though, use it after exercise. 

http://www.etoolsage.com/Chart/Body_Fat_Percentage_Chart.asp

Best,

Chris

Oh awesome. . I like that chart.. it says "good" for me... I certainly need a new scale.. mine doesn't track anything but weight.. this morning I got on and it said 125 so I got all excited went and painted my toe nails so I could take a picture.. I'm weird like that.. I come back and it said 126 again LOL... I think It goes down in 8ounce incraments so It doesn't give the exact pound/ounce...

And, the Tanita scale weigts are incredibly accurate.  I can repeatedly weigh myself and it will show the exact same weight.

Wishing you a beautiful day!

Chris

And I do feel for your husband.  Being deployed sucks and he is missing you and sees how sexy you are and he's way over there.  And he is also concerned for you and your health.  That's a lot to play on his nerves.  Keep reassuring him that he's you are only interest and that your doctor is monitoring you and he/she knows best.  And that you wouldn't take any unsafe risks.  Address his fear.  It's not about you; it's about him.  :)

Thanks friend.
I ended up spending my day in research mode so I could send him an educated email on my thought process... provided my bmi and the chart you sent.. an example of what I eat in a day so he isn't thinking I'm starving myself thin, the safe weight zone fore my height and all sorts of other random info, as well as explaining my fat mind syndrome. He did seem to understand more.. nd thankfully he is in Iraq so that means a short tour.. he will be home Dec/Jan (6mo early) so he doesn't have to wait too long to see the real me not just a picture..his response to me saying that I think it was the angle of the photo was no I think your just that thin.. we compromised that I would move into maitnance no later than when he comes home if I haven't before.. and if he truely still feels I am getting too thin then I will add a few back...

Well Siana I really wish I had your dilemma!  You look marvelous, darling.  If I were you, I wouldn't focus so much on the numbers.  Sometimes we do need the "eye of the beholder" to guide us along.  I lost a bunch of weight back in my twenties but I still saw myself as a fat person.  It wasn't until I went shopping, tried on a size 14, and then realized I was a size 5.  Maybe your husband is right. 

btw - I did eventually gain the weight back and then doubled it.