Emotional Hot Mess - Long Post
I’m not quite sure what’s been going on with me these past few weeks, but I’m a hot mess! If anyone who knows me were to describe me they would tell you that I’m not an emotional person, especially around others. Sure I get angry or happy but I don’t let sensitive type emotions show, I don’t get emotionally upset about things. I usually get pissed and move on. NOPE, not lately! Lately I want to freaking cry all the time. I am literally fighting tears right now. When something happens that upsets me, I dwell on it instead of letting it go. GRRRRRR……No my life isn’t perfect and yes I have stress that adds to it. But I seriously can’t stand this overly sensitive crap that’s going on. People are actually hurting my feelings with the stupid things they are doing or saying. The same crap they were doing or saying a month ago now makes me want to cry and quit my job. I’ve read that as we lose fat, hormones (or some other crap that makes us mushy) is released. Reading and experiencing are totally different, so I need to know how long this is going to go on and if there is a way to stop it. I don’t even want to be around myself right now. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.
- I’m not happy with my weight loss but I’m not upset with it either…I’m worried I will never make it to goal. It’s just so damn far away…I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel
- I’m sick of people wanting to know how much I’ve lost and when I’m going to buy smaller clothes. LEAVE ME ALONE!!
- I’m so fearful of failing at this that I don’t eat nearly enough. I’ve never been good at accepting failure or defeat and this seems to be the worst yet. Every time I see food I’m scared of failure.
- My potassium levels are scaring the bejevus outta me to the point I’m afraid to get my heart rate up at all. It’s serious enough that they want to do infusions now! WTF!!!
- My hair is falling out and there’s nothing I can do about it, but embrace it….yeah right embrace my impending baldness!
- I don’t fit into hardly any of my massive amounts of clothes anymore…sure some would be happy about this…but me, I want to cry cause I only have clothes that make me look more of a hot mess than I already am.
- I was offered a promotion at work only to have it given to someone else because my boss feared people would accuse him of favoritism…are you f'ing kidding me?!?!
I want my I don’t give a **** attitude back. I miss it. Emotions freaking suck and blow fat whale ass.
Am I alone in all this craziness of mixed emotions that I can’t tell up from down? I sure as hell hope not cause that would mean I’m actually looney!
I'm right there with you friend. Today I actually flipped of some asshole who drove up behind me flashing his lights for me and the other million people on the road to move over so he could get through. When the 50,000 cars in front of him wouldn't move over he drove down the shoulder on a frigging overpass thank you very much and of course I pull up right behind him at the next red light, which I enjoyed WAY too much. Finally, he manages to cut me off and I have to slam on my brakes so he can turn left from the middle lane to go to effing Home Depot. Really? *****!
I flipped him off and then spent the rest of the afternoon mad at myself for letting him get to me.
Oh, and I can't taste a damn thing my nose is so stuffed up. Just in time for the Holidays. Yay.
I'm sorry about your potassium levels, that just bites. I know you're frustrated with your WL, but you are doing great and you WILL make it because, all hormone crap aside, your attitude is right. Sometimes God gives us blessings we don't see and I wonder if NOT getting the promotion might be one of those unanswered prayers.
You're doing the right thing. Just vent and get it out. Cry if you need to.
Take care.
on 12/23/11 6:35 pm
- I’m so fearful of failing at this that I don’t eat nearly enough. I’ve never been good at accepting failure or defeat and this seems to be the worst yet. Every time I see food I’m scared of failure.
Omg I can totally relate to this. I wanted to say something about During my self imposed preop diet I was eating so little that I was constantly feeling like I was going to faint because I was literally scared of food. I felt like everything that touched my mouth meant I was going to gain weight. I'm kind of dealing with that now too. I had a shake today and I put milk in it and afterwards I had anxiety over the extra calories and carbs. I am transitioning to to soft foods/mushies and I'm scared. As much as I want to taste amazing food, I don't want to eat. I didn't ever think I'd feel this way. I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to you.