Seeking advice from those who have "done therapy"

I'm nervously awaiting my first appointment with a therapist.  I've developed some really bad eating issue (chewing and spitting food, throwing up, etc.) that thanks to a push from my OH friends I'm seeking professional help with.  I'm mentally very anti-therapy (for myself) and can't believe I'm going. Holy crap!!

All day yesterday I kept catching myself mentally rehearsing how I was going to "explain myself" to my therapist.  I realized that I was trying to smooth things over, make it not sound so bad, even minimize/hide stuff...  How do you force yourself to be totally honest about behavior that you are totally ashamed of?  I need to make the most of this opportunity to get better, but I can already feel myself holding back and I haven't even stepped through the door of the counselors' office yet! 

Any advice for a total therapy newbie?  I won't have to totally spill all the beans at the very first appointment, will I?  I'd like to feel comfortable with her first... but I don't know how it works, exactly.  How do you prep yourself to be totally open and honest?  I really feel like I'm at a crossroads and I need to take the right path and take this opportunity to get better while I have it.

Thanks, everyone!

I know it is nerve racking. I feel like how will I explain myself too, but you don't have to explain yourself. A good therapist is insightful and will help you gain insight into yourself. I guarantee you will find out so much about yourself that you don't know yet. You don't have to totally spill the beans on the first appointment. It's not like that. It will probably be a getting acquainted time. Be as honest as you can right now. You will have your defenses up for a while but a good therapist understands that. You can't prep yourself to be totally honest. Don't try. Just let this happen as naturally as possible. There may even be silence, but there are things to learn in silence too. I hope you like your therapist and will build trust. That is what it is about. Good luck to you. You are doing a great thing. You are so strong.

All therapists work differently. Biggest thing is just relax. This will be more like a "who are you and what's your story" kind of thing, so not a heavy duty "tell me all the dirt" type of thing. You'll find it easier to just talk and be honest than you think, most likely. But yes, she needs to know why you're there so at some point you need to mention you have an eating problem. The thing she's there for is to figure out WHY and HOW to help YOU fix it.

I was like you in the beginning.  I was telling myself "I know myself, I don't need therapy"  and "I can control this".  I had all of these fantasies about what therapy would be like - imagining bob newhart and all the jazz I had seen on TV.

Its nothing like that.  Its more like talking to a really good, wise friend.  

My first session was more record keeping.  I went to a therapist at the office that did my psych eval for surgery, so they already had the Minnesota multi-phasic and all of those tests.  The first session was just setting schedules, establishing what my goals were for therapy, what issues I wanted to work on, etc.

After that we settled into a routine of meeting every two weeks for the first 6 months.  I share what I am comfortable with.  If I start obviously wandering into irrelevancies my therapist will gently nudge me back in the right direction.  Its a very safe and open environment.  Theres never any pressure to delve into things that I am not ready to share.

I will say this to you though - complete and open honesty is in your best interest in therapy.  I always say that you have to be more honest with yourself than you would be before God on Judgement Day.  The pain we feel makes us want to shy away from exploring the things that may be at the root of our behaviors.  Only by facing those fears and accepting these things can we begin to deal with them in a healthy way.  Your therapist is only there to help you.  Once you establish trust and share what you truly feel, they can help you develop the healthy tools you need.

Congratulations on seeking help.  Its the first, huge step, on a truly life changing journey.

I just wanted to say how incredibly proud I am of you to speak the truth of what you are doing, and the truth about your reservations. 

Being willing to be helped, to be willing to BE willing to change, those things are huge.

*squeeze*

I'm pre-op, but have been doing the therapy thing for over 6 years.  It took me a full year to work up the courage to call a therapist.  Best call I ever made.  Ever.

Your first appointment just 'feel out' the vibe you get from the therapist.  Is he/she a good match for you?  What is their style?  Too personal?  Too clinical?  If something doesn't feel right, find another therapist.  Nothing wrong with shopping around!  I know I couldn't stand the Bariatric psychologist I saw.  Too clinical and gave me the heebee-geebees!  Never saw him again.

And another trick.... this is what I promised myself going into therapy:  Be open and honest about EVERYTHING!  There's no one judging you (and if they are, find another therapist).  I can't believe some of the stuff that's come out of mouth and the amount of crying I did in the beginning, but it's good to release.

I wish you well!!!  So glad you are taking that first step!