Spouse not on board.

My live-in girlfriend is not on board with me having this surgery.  Anytime I try to talk to her about it she says something negative.  She believes we all should be able to loose the weight on our own without the help of surgery.  She's also convinced that I will stretch my stomach out again and gain all the weight back.  She doesn't and never did have a serious issue with her weight. 

I'm trying to stay as positive and excited about this change that's about to happen in our lives.  Have any of you experienced this with your significant other? How did you handle it?  

I've spoken to some friends about this and they think she is scared and this is how she's reacting. I'm not so convinced of that.  

A few years ago I went to a RNY seminar and had my husband go with me.  He was dead set against it and talked me out of it.  Later once I learned about VSG I again had him go to the seminar with me.  He was still scared and did not want me to do it, but this time was different because I knew I was ready.  Right before surgery he was really scared, but got over it once he knew I made it out of surgery and was back home.  At that point his support kicked in over drive and he was an incredible source of support.

This is hard enough to do.  If it were me I would talk with the girlfriend and basically say to cut out the negative crap at the very least.  It is her choice not to support you, but undermining the process is unacceptable.  Just because she is convinced you will strecth the stomach out doesn't mean that is true- not even a real option for the sleeve to do that.  Perhaps have her attend a seminar to educate herself.  Good luck!

Your body = your choice. She doesnt need to be on board. I believe education may help her attitude and help push her towards the "supportive" side of things. But once you present it as "this is my choice, and ive made it" - people tend to come around a little faster than if they think they actually have some ability to influence your decision. Its worth a long heart to heart to really get to the bottom of her concerns - she may just be ignorant, she may be scared of the surgery, she may be scared she is losing a food buddy, afraid of the changes that will happen to the both of you as a result, insecure about your relationship, you getting more attention - the possibilities are endless, but only a good honest talk will sort all that out. 

Is she willing to attend a support group meeting with you?

I've asked her to at least try and read some of the questions and answers posted here on this forum. I've learned so much and I think she would benefit but, she'll have no part of it at this point. 

I hate to say it and be so bold, but in that case, perhaps it's time you part.

This is a big fricking deal for you.  You're committing to a new, healthier lifestyle.  You need someone by your side to support you and carry you forward, not hold you back.  It would be one thing if she was unsure but willing to look into it.  It's another is she won't go to support groups.  

It's harsh, but I bet you could find a woman that respects you for the fact that you're taking your life into your own hands and improving it.

Best of luck to you in your journey.

Do you think maybe she is scared you will lose weight and not love her any more? Or is she overweight? Maybe she doesn't want to be the only overweight one in the relationship?

Either way it's kind of crummy for her to be negative about something you are so excited about. It's ok to be scared but she needs to communicate with you about it.

Do what is right for you.  She may be scared

My husband was not on board at all!  even after the first few weeks he still wasn't on board.  he was very afraid.  i was in pain, i wasn't eating enough.  he was very concerned with my health.  once he became involved and i asked for his help he became a tremendus anchor for me.  he began ensuring that i ate/drank enough protein, he began cooking my dinners and recently told me this was the best decision i ever made.  he confessed that he was so against it because he was afraid.  he was afraid something may go totally wrong, that i may not heal properly or that i would need another surgery because of a complication.  now that all is well and i am ok, he is fine with it and he still watches over my eating habits for me.  

he just needed time to adjust and adapt to my new lifestyle.  this may be the case with your girlfriend.  everyone copes differently, she just may need time to adjust.  talk to her

If she is making a specific choice to not support you in this (based on your response to the poster who asked if she'd go to a support group meeting), then I think you have to just lay it out, and tell her that the negativity and lack of support must stop now.  Period.

My husband (no major weight problem), had concerns about the surgery, and has unintentionally been nonsupportive at times, but that changed when, as we call in in the south, I "pitched a fit." 

I explained how important this was to me, and we've been married 30 years -- and I was overweight when we got married.  So he has seen me struggle with this problem for 30 years, and been overwhelmingly supportive (except around surgery). I told him that I thought this was really my only chance at success, and I needed his support.  Period.  So put up or shut up!

Even though he continues to be worried about whether I'm eating enough, etc., he is supportive.  He wants me to be healthy and he sees the effort I'm making.

Sometimes spouses or significant others are worried that when we lose weight, we'll trade them in on a new model! Could insecurity being playing a part in her negativity?

 

 

My husband does not like my decision, but he supports me. I think you may need to lay it out and tell her like it is. Fear's a b****. I think most people are either arrogant and think you should be able to do it without surgery or they are scared of complications. There is a reason she is not supportive. People usually just don't support someone they care about for no reason.