Is it just me? I had to hit rock bottom first.

Hey gang!

So...I'm big time into our board...and read and follow everyday...and this is a major part of my WLS success plan.

Sometimes I want to post something...but don't want to ruffle feathers...so I don't.

BUT...I'm posting now...maybe just for my own reminder...but here it goes:

Everyone has different reasons for having WLS I guess...but maybe I'm clueless. It wasn't just a stop at Jenny Craig, or signing up for yet another WW center...or choosing my Nutrisystem menu for the month. This was MAJOR SURGERY!

And I didn't do it to look good for an upcoming wedding, or because I wanted to look good, or because it was the next thing to TRY.

I Flippin' hit rock bottom! Years of dieting and regaining! Not able to get on the floor with my kids, not being able to sit in ANY regular chair!  Breaking a chair once! Not breathing while I sleep! Being out of breath after walking 10 feet! Starting every day with feeling every pound of fat on my body...and dreading having to carry it with me to the bathroom, to the shower, to the car ( where my seatbelt didn't fit) and to work! I prayed every night that GOD would allow me one more day to live and I'd try to take better care of myself...and beating myself up for not. I cried and HATED my life and what NO ONE else but ME did to it!!

For goodness sakes! I am NOT tempted to eat crap!!! It means DEATH to me!! Doesn't it to you???!!!! I'm not talking about vets...I have only respect for those who have walked before me and have succeeded and are still fighting to this day...FIGHTING!!!! Elina, Frisco and Ruggie and If I could list all the countless others who inspire me here I would!!! I have a REAL and I think HEALTHY fear of straying from plan. I know my triggers, and I know my trigger danger foods. I keep those foods OUT of my life...to me they mean death!

Last night Keith posted a you tube site to check out of the man that lost hundreds of pounds, was on the Today show...and became an inspiration to many!! THEN food and feelings snuck up and bit him....now he's gained almost all back! To watch his face now, to hear the heartbreak in his voice! Then I watched all the other stories you tube linked to that one...men, women, adults, teens...bedbound...suffering...it was horrible!! That could be me!!! That could be you!!! Just one darn ring-ding away!!!

I am scared to slip...so scared. And that means that every bite I put in my mouth is planned and scheduled. I want that to be true forever...but I only have control one day at a time...one meal at a time...one choice at a time. I can't afford to lie to myself...not once. I know myself too well...do you know yourself? if not...you really need too...you have a long life to live...and each choice determines the next.

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone, but it does to me...and I needed to write this for me. If helps you...GREAT! If it doesn't...read another posters post. Find one that speaks to you...and learn what you need to do ...then do it.

(sigh)

Thanks for listening and not rolling your eyes at me

Peace,

~Deb

Your post is exactly what I needed to read right now. People often ask me, "Why are you still on OH"? They don't understand what there is left for me to learn here. There are many ways to answer that question, but one of the really big reasons I am still here is because of your post and posts like it. I, as a VET, need your continued newbie energy. I need to read how far we have come and how much we have to lose if we ever fail at this. I need your real perspective because this dims with time. It is much harder for me to remember what it was like when I was heavy now, than it was early out. Your post reminds me why I am here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow! I was kind of trying to remind my self where I was, where I am and where I'm going...and forgetting that people were actually going to read this! And as you know...scared of  how it would be received. Never in a million years thought I would have anything to really offer that would help...let alone the person that I look to when I need help!!! We all need each other to take this journey and be successful !! I Thank YOU Elina!!!!

That's why I post too.  I post to remind myself about what I most need to remember.  Some people will see things my way, others not so much, it doesn't really matter, because the post is really always about your experience in the moment. I love reading your posts, I hope you will make posts like this more often, they remind me of where I came from and what I am fighting for here.  I always say that we are stronger together, you can see what I mean now. 

I'm so glad to hear that you still benefit by participating in this forum.  Though I know you are here to offer encouragement, advice, and support to those of us still fighting the initial fight, it is very good to know that perhaps we can help you just a little bit, too.  I had lurked on this board for a long time before my surgery, and my initial goal was, and still is, to "lose an Elina".  I'm a little over halfway there, and I don't think I could force myself to eat a cookie or a cracker with you in my head!

Excellent, I hope than that I stay in your head long term.  :)  I do get quite a bit from others on this forum. Something differnet from everyone.  The VETS are like my old comrades in arms.   We have seen each other's journey and have been their for each other every step along the way.  Sometimes I think they know my thoughts better than I do.  The newbies offer me the excitement and energy that can only be found early out.  That "beginners" mind that they talk about in Zen.  I hold on to that energy when I begin to forget where I came from when this journey started.  And those in the middle are in the perfect place to answer all those repetitive questions that keep coming up but need to be answered about three week stalls, vitamins, and "starvation mode myth".   They are not yet burned out on typing the same response with the same energy as the VETS are by now.  We all need each other to keep our heads in the game.  As VETS, hopefully, we can shed some light on the upcoming possible stages of this journey and maybe offer some encouragement or have newbies learn from our mistakes.  We are stronger when we really share our journeys with each other.  I try to be as honest and real about my journey as I can be, hopefully, my truth helps someone else reach their goals.

I totally get what you're saying. I've been laying on the bottom myself for the past year. I became so discouraged, every diet, all that exercise, dedication...lead to NOTHING. no real weight loss. No real SUCCESS. It just became too much for me and I threw in the towel after 30 + years of fighting. And I gained weight, a lot. I just let it all go.

I am looking to this surgery to be the great equalizer for me. I feel like now when I watch what I eat, exercise etc, it will actually account for something. I'm not here because I want to go back to how I used to eat, I want a whole new way.

I'm with ya.

 

 

I did the SAME THING!!! I was so worn out ...I just stopped too! I really don't know what I was thinking...I just didn't want to play the "lose and gain" game anymore. It  just piled on...and I felt paralyzed to stop it. Now looking back... I can't believe that I actually got off my butt, talked to my Doc, met with the surgeon...toughed out the 2 yrs of stalling issues...had the surgery...and here today! Crazy Man!!!

We're gonna do this!!! Yes we are!!!

I'm not rolling my eyes.  Thanks for the "real" post.

Thanks for not rolling!!

The "real" post came out almost by itself...and amazingly...I feel good now! It REALLY is because I now know I'm NOT alone...and the support here on OH really can be empowering if we let it!

THANK YOU ALL MY OH FRIENDS!!!!!